The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

Yes dint the crowds are quite overwhelming..... I try and avoid peak times.
yolo that’s our local hospital........ and I have to say, in the recent years when times I’ve been there with dm on many occasions the care been great, caring and compassionate. But their services have been reduced like no night a and e and moved 20 miles away....

Mere don’t say that you’re becoming limited, you’re not at all

I have a fear of everywhere turning into London because when I finally move, I don’t want it to be like this!

I'm definitely a country mouse now, I do still love London but even when we go and stay with friends there for just a night I just get desperate for space and to be able to see the sky. (And they live in a very leafy, exclusive part, but it's still not the same!)

One thing about crowds - it's a very different experience if you're 6ft tall and able at the least to see over people's shoulders, or 5ft tall and unable to see more than 12 inches in front of you.

One thing that was difficult working in a male dominated environment was the "important conversations" which took place in the pub, always a crowded pub, always standing ... so all the conversations took place about 18 inches above my head, and I'd have to jump up and down to hear or say anything. Institutional indirect sex discrimination comes in many forms.

And the conversations and deals done in the gents.......

I’m 5ft 1’. I think this has a major effect on my life experiences!

Cat love for anyone who needs it
I’ve been managing my grief by throwing money at the problem

Gin n takeaway tonight
Bought huge opal and diamond ring with insurance claim!
I always ‘do’ spending when I’m depressed to cheer me up or to commemorate or Mark a specific and special event
Dad was so special it had to be big and memorable
I have a thing about Opals too

Aww kitty.
I want one.

Someone actually suggested just gifting my mother a cat 😂

I’m thinking to buy an opal ring too but only a little one.

Autumn somebody suggested to my mother she get a cat, and she pondered it for a long time before mercifully forgetting. All the while I was sweating on it thinking 'one more thing for me to look after...'.

DB took DM out shopping yesterday so I nipped round while they were out and blitzed all the paperwork she's been shoving to one side as she doesn't comprehend it. And the tree and decs I put up in the dark looked even worse in the cold light of day!

That's a beautiful ring!

My mum has a cat (s) she is slowly collecting more!! It causes alot of issues - she (before carers) fed the cats like kings and didn't eat her half. The food stinks the house out. She will NOT close her backdoor. Even in midwinter. Bloody cats use the place as a hotel not interested in human interaction. So not even company.

She had a dog that i got her when my dad passed away. Tiny little puppy that was abandoned at my work over Xmas. The tiny puppy grew into a 60kg yeti!!! That i ended up walking and he had lots of health issues . Never again.

I love dogs and cats ( more than i like people) but as a carer- just no!

I hope everyone is managing. I actually got my mum to Tesco yesterday. Miracle! There's still a few days for potential drama yet!

*herself!!

This is the thing
The person suggested it because thinks mum and I both will really benefit from a cat, I live in a small flat so not an option for me.

So she literally said, oh your mum will be stuck with it if you actually just get one, turn up with it and all the stuff, she won’t be able to say no.

I am not someone who behaves like that, so, er, no!

Random thought

Being placed in the position I’m in has led to me making some bad choices

The sense of panic, the sense of “do anything that will help mum, be friends with anyone who will help mum”.

I think I have recovered my sanity somewhat. The Winter Solstice seems a good day to acknowledge those mistakes and move on.

jace beautiful ring and nice nails too! (envious of anyone with nice nails, mine constantly knackered and full of mud because gardening/animals)

autumn I'm glad you can feel like moving on, don't beat yourself up - there are enough others to do that!

re cats: we got mum another one about a year before she died, knowing that he would end up coming to us. He was so good for her, giving her someone to love, talk to, care for, and think/talk about. He was an RSPCA rescue, here he is with our two. He has special food (no teeth!) and they are pretty pissed off with the situation. Bar the odd spat they get on fine now.

yolo gorgeous cats!

My mum tries hard not to say depressing stuff but today it slipped out “I don’t enjoy anything without your father” and I can’t cure that no matter how much time I spend there.

Yolo gorgeous cats too!
I’m feeling much better today - madly cleaned house - did Xmas food shop and loads of washing
Met up with DD and DS for lunch and am now sat on sofa with Dcat
Working Monday and Tuesday so needed to get organised

Opals aren't the toughest of stones, "best" use only, not everyday. I have one which I'm thinking about seeing if I can get repolished..

Cats for elders: joyforall.com/products/companion-cats
Sorry, US site for short link, but easily available in UK from Amazon and elsewhere. Surprisingly calming. Sit there purring and being stroked rather than "I'm going to keep walking over your keyboard until you feed me"

The Winter Solstice seems a good day to acknowledge those mistakes and move on. The fact you made those mistakes means you wre trying to do something. It's easy to avoid mistakes if you sit back and make no effort to improve things.

I was planning to do something to celebrate the winter solstice. Woke up today and realised I'd missed it.

Mere you could still do something!

What I was trying to do was build more support for me because I felt I needed it in order to support mum.

What I've realised is that I need to toughen up probably. I've ended up becoming "friends" with a couple of people who are actually not good for me.

I can no longer worry that mum is the Unhappy Widow sitting at home, grieving. Because maybe that's just how it's going to be.

I feel into the same trap with my mum after my dad died Autumn. It was hard to extricate myself once I realised what I had done (going to see her every weekend, etc), but I think it was better for both of us when I did as it gave us both a chance to move on. I think the first year after you lose a parent is lost to grief anyway.

Am jealous of people who can wear lovely rings. My fingers look like a pack of pork sausages.

I think that taking responsibility for the happiness of others is such a trap and a drain.
Been doing lots for dm and feeling guilty about not visiting today...... but I need time away. Will be up tomorrow and Christmas Day....

FIL continues to generate chaos. This time its furniture. Apparently (we knew nothing about it) he ordered some new living room furniture back in October and whèn he ordered it was given a delivery date of today. So last week, unknown to us he advertised his old chairs on a local Facebook page free as long as collected by yesterday, and they went. Phoned OH this morning in tears because guess what. Yep, not coming until January. He hadn't checked delivery before giving the old stuff away BIL2 and family are going to theirs to cook Christmas dinner and there are no chairs. They were going to have dinner on their laps as it was. Leaving that 1 to BIL2 to solve.

Oh god countrygirl you really couldnt make it up... but agree, not your problem to solve. Let BIL sort it and perhaps they will start to see there's an issue?

I do actually miss my mum, but the mum she was 'before' not the one she became ?

We have quite a frantic few days ahead (xmas eve drinks party then 8 for xmas day plus at least 2 staying) and back in the day she would have a) loved it and b) been entirely on my side about potential and actual dreadfulness of inlaws.

countrygirl you couldn’t make it up.... hope it’s sorted.
yolo I hope you have a good time and manage the il’s- make sure you find how to make it work for you.
Calm here for a day before trying to negotiate getting dm into and out of our house with assorted gear....