The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

I can no longer worry that mum is the Unhappy Widow sitting at home, grieving. Because maybe that's just how it's going to be. I once ditched a BF who was suffering from depression - sounds heartless, but the clear fact was that I wasn't doing him any good by being there (and he was an abusive bastard anyway). Just because someone is suffering doesn't mean you are the right person to alleviate that suffering. And there's no point damaging yourelf unnecessarily.

Am jealous of people who can wear lovely rings. My fingers look like a pack of pork sausages. You have to learn to love chunky rings. I can no longer wear delicate rings, I have to go for much bolder ones.

Calm here for a day before trying to negotiate getting dm into and out of our house with assorted gear.... Same here. Ramps to get up a flight of 4 steep stone steps are out of storage, wheelchair loan arranged, rails fixed round toilet, Central heating to be ramped up to tropical ...

thanks all

I'm unlikely to be around till Boxing Day (late)....hope you are all okay

OH is on his way back from visiting ILs so I expect I will hear how the chair problem is solved. Can't help thinking my boss, who is lovely, would happily swap for my IL problems. His dad was admitted to a hospice for end of life care a few days ago so reminding myself to count blessings.

My father has been given a Christmas present from the home. I think that's rather sweet. (even if it is the same present for all the men) Is it usual?

Hope everyone can find some moments of joy in the next few days... thinking of you all.
dint fil always got a present in his care home. Hope your logistics work today.

Hope today is peaceful for everyone. A little bit more goodwill to all men restored here. DS2 and his Finnish DP went to visit ILs with OH yesterday and tried to fix his laptop - he's been clicking on dodgy links and got a virus. Again. And no, he hadn't renewed the anti virus software OH had sorted for him last time. Too expensive apparently.
Furniture situation has been solved for now with a loaned armchair and folding garden chairs. Goodness knows what scrapes the new year will bring.

Season's greetings all.

Xmas day drama no1: I relented and invited DM to mine for dinner to save DB the long drive. Apparently she has now told DB that she won't come as she doesn't feel well (I'm not sure if she meant 'welcome' tbh).

So, instead of spending my morning getting stressed in the kitchen and bracing myself for her visit, once the DCs surface, I am planning to corral the family into a long walk (sunshine here today), and then we can all prepare the dinner when we get home. I'll then drive DM's plate and gifts over to hers this evening. By which time I should be better able to cope with her drama. I realise plan B may not come off, but the absence of stress feels good for now.

dint fil always got a present in his care home. Hope your logistics work today. Ah, so normal, then. So far today one cat has peed on a rug, and the cats between them have broken (as in shattered) the cat flap. DH has gone demented trying to stuff turkey and assemble pigs in blankets helped by 3 cats. Just having a moment of sanity before the final run of assemble toilet rails, assemble ramp and collect DF. Oh, and brush hair, clean teeth and "put my face on".

Hope it all went well dint and well done for going for plan b nota
Dd just wheeled dm home, me following with commode, frame etc, etc.( by car I add) now breathe! When’s gav and Stacy?
Hope everyone else is doing ok. 🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫

Happy Christmas everyone
Bonus side effect with DM Alzheimer’s - she’s forgotten she doesn’t like cats!
Dcat is very happy with this change

Plan B didn't come off. I realised that DM didn't want to inconvenience DB, so she came to mine for dinner after all. Except - I told her I would pick her up later than I usually do for Xmas, so that me, DH and DCs got to have a nice walk by the river in the sunshine beforehand which really helped with my anxiety.

Am now sat watching Bake Off. Cheers all.

It's all done. Mum at mine for dinner. a Grimm sent her a present which went down well. Dinner was delicious thanks to DS, pitching in and charming my mum and doing some bits and bobs to help.

DS is now at his dad's and I've got my feet up, surrounded by cats and holding a glass of wine.
Phew!

Mum was remarkably lucid today which helped.

Happy Christmas to all roaches.
Xx

Hope it all went well dint Lovely day, one of our best ever. Then my father took himself off to the loo, and managed to subside to the floor when turning to get the toilet paper. No harm done, but I expect the home won't want us to have him any more!

Gosh, such stories! Although I think two of us had to call ambulances last year so better than that...

I am HOME on my sofa and I’m so glad it’s over. Going to spend NYE there as well but that’s not the same kind of pressure and misery.

Oh and we were plagued by fake calls from banks. It was quite freaky. Do fraudsters think it’s a good day to catch people out, maybe?

Mere thanks for your post earlier about your ex, made me feel better.

late to the party, but happy Christmas my lovely friends on this thread, and an even happier boxing day. PIL and SIL + adult kids all behaved, and it was actually very nice, although when everyone eventually left after a 'quick coffee' 2 hours later at 1.30 we were both on our knees with exhaustion. I went to bed for 2 hours this afternoon!! now of course wide awake, vaguely watching James Bond and catching up on MN.

yolo that’s good, glad they behaved well!

I can’t get interested in Bond, in spite of Judi Dench and Andrew Scott.

Hello all, hope you don't mind me tagging on this thread. I've been following it from time to time, and started the odd thread, as I don't know anyone in real life going through the stress of elderly parents, and it's nice to have somewhere to ask advice and commiserate! I wasn't born until DF in his late 40s, so my friends are not yet worrying about elderly dads. Sounds like most of you managed to enjoy Christmas Day - well done and happy Christmas to you all!

Ghost welcome along. Hope your Xmas was okay.

Thank you @Autumnrose1 ( not sure how to tag?). Not brilliant, given that I started a thread last night about whether or not dad was starting to die?! However, my wonderful toddler kept me going yesterday, helps keep me cheery. 😍

Thankfully DF seemed better today, and DH and I have managed a much needed, relaxing Boxing Day

Ah, I’ve just seen that

A few weeks ago, I posted that I thought my 84 year old uncle was going to die, he had similar but then had a heart attack on top.

Don’t want to jinx it but he’s much better...out in Xmas eve getting a haircut to look smart for the day. Big turnaround. Carers no longer needed. So you never know. But I understand it’s really hard not to know either

I must go to bed but we’re always here if you need us.

ghost welcome, little ones are always cheering (when they are not knackering you out or having a tantrum!!) we had a 3 year old here on xmas eve for a party - bless him, he played with the dog for 10 mins then flaked out in his buggy. dog was disappointed but made up for it by hoovering the floor for crumbs...

Thanks yolo, yep it's a fine line, ha ha! I've got a 3 month old too, so I'm certainly kept busy with DF, DD and DS. Why am I still up?! I should be sleeping while the DC sleep!! 😂

because ghost you are finding time not to think about anyone else!!