The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

[MereDintofPandiculation]

... for anyone caring for elderly parents. Come and join us to ask for, or to give, sympathy, ask for advice, or have a good rant.

Getting slightly pissed off with at least some of the staff at the hospital where my mum is. They were great when she was actually ill, but now she is well on the mend some of them seem disposed to take the line of least resistance when it comes to things like encouraging her to eat, to sit out of bed and to try walking, even if it's only to get to a commode. Yesterday when she said she wanted a wee the nurses said she couldn't be taken to the loo because she isn't safe walking and that she's incontinent and should just use her pad. I had to be very firm about the fact that she hadn't been incontinent the day before and was perfectly able to use a commode safely with help. I'm seriously worried that, with that attitude, they will make her incontinent. Likewise, they're saying she can't move out to rehab or home till she can sit out of bed for a few hours and she's only doing it for around 10 minutes. Again, that's nonsense, she sits out for a long time when I'm there, and if she's demanding to go back to bed it's very obviously a case of won't, not can't. If they leave her in bed all day she'll never get her mobility back.

She keeps proclaiming that she never eats and as soon as any of them appear with a tray she spurns it with disgust and they meekly take it away. Today she was complaining that she hadn't been given any lunch - the nurse confirmed that she had and had refused it; so DM came up with an astonishing range of excuses - they hadn't told her it was there (it was on a tray in front of her, she couldn't miss it); they hadn't told her what it was; she couldn't just try it anyway because she couldn't see what it was; she couldn't put her glasses on because she's scared of losing them (how do you lose glasses that you are wearing, FFS?); they won't give her salt to put on (they do). Despite going on and on about how hungry she was, when her evening meal turned up we again had the whole performance about how she couldn't eat it, this time because there was too much on the plate. I got her to eat relatively easily with a combination of jollying her along and gentle bullying, but again I suspect she would have had nothing had I not been there.

I know how busy they are - but yesterday when they were doing very little there were only two patients in her side ward (it can take 6) and at least some of the staff seem to be willing and able to use a bit of pressure for her own good. There's a wipe-clean board above her bed where they put the names of that day's nursing staff; I'm seriously tempted to write on it "Don't take no for an answer" to try to get it through to people.

I think we are lucky that FIL has settled well into his care home. Visiting him is a bit like Groundhog Day as he asks the same questions and tells me the same things over and over but apart from that he seems very happy. I have also worked out when they do the tea round so I visit then and get a bonus cuppa and a chocolate biscuit!

thesandwich this is maybe not particularly helpful, but receipt I found at mum's for her non slip floor - the product is called 'Rural Living 3301'!

venting that sounds bloody hard for you all.

apollo as long as he's happy...

Thanks yolo🌺🌺

Found it yolo🌺🌺🍷🍷
Sending cockroaches to all.

Yolo non slip lino sounds like a great idea - didn't know such a thing existed. Was there a mini bar at the Days Inn or did you take your own?

Took delivery of Dad's new wheelchair, packed up the rental one to go back, took delivery of bath lift, parcelled up bath lift that doesn't work to go back. Why does my house look like a Royal Mail sorting office?

thigh no minibar, but that's ok - there was a waitrose in the service station adjacent!! in fact there is very little at Days Inn apart from a bed and bathroom - but I have to say scrupulously clean, lovely Eastern European staff (to a wo/man), and really very acceptable meals at the Ramada a 2 min walk away (across the services).

Got rid of all mum's books yesterday to a teacher friend who's taken them for her school library. Dont think they are all suitable but she said no probs, the english dept can sort them out! Also removed 2 garden chairs and one little table, next thing to collect is a very lovely old armchair and the spare bed (both have homes in our house). As DB and SIL are so bloody indecisive I am trying to clear as much as I can before we hit D day...

Hope all well with everyone? am having lovely mother's day as DD1 here (expected) and DD2 turned up out of the blue, I almost cried! cockroach et courage mes amis

Hi all. Just found this thread. Haven't read thru all as it's confusing with conversation that had already started so just going to go from here.

Hello all. Just taken dm out for lunch which she enjoyed greatly.No dd until later this week. And no sign of siblings visiting.
So glad you have had a lovely day yolo you really deserve it.
Still not well but keeping going..
Hope everyone else is having as good a day as possible.
cockroach !!

Welcome @PotterHead1985 and cockroach keep on going one and all.

I shall be doing dinner for my DM shortly. And a LARGE wine for myself as the flipping dog just head butted the bowl of kibble as I was putting it down and it went EVERYWHERE.

welcome Potter presumably being a dog he/she was able to hoover up the kibble?! If only mine could do the same with dust...

One boy one girl. Girl did the head butting both did the hoovering

Another ambulance trip to A&E with my dad (fortunately all OK), then today we said goodbye to our last remaining cat. Will the shit ever stop?

dint I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. You don’t deserve all this s@#£.
I’m so sorry about your cat. 🌺🌺🌺

Sorry about the cat dint , it really is just a seemingly never-ending pile on isn't it. Glad your dad is OK. Has anyone got any techniques for thinking about things so it doesn't seem so overwhelming?

oh dint so sorry to hear about your cat, they are such a big part of our lives and leave such a big hole when they go. Cats and dogs dont judge us for our failings (unless it's an empty bowl!) they just love us...

So, the shit list to update from the Monkey household:

• DS(18) has now been diagnosed bipolar.
• Spent Mother's day with DM, so usual mix of moans/muddles/etc from her while I grit my teeth waiting for the day to be over.
• Yesterday night I had the most excruciating pain in my shoulders, to the point I thought I was having a heart attack. Nothing would touch it. Spent the night in A&E, only to be told it was an arthritis flare up (stress does that apparently).
• Oh and I turned 55.

Old, fat and fucked basically.

monkey I’m so sorry you too are having a crap time. It doesn’t feel fair when you put yourself out so much for your ungrateful dm.
Will ds’s diagnosis mean he can be treated properly? It must be such a shock.🌺🌺
dint, yolo thinking of you and everyone else on this thread.
cockroach all.

maddy have you tried the headspace app at all? Try the free trial. Otherwise gin.

nota I am also 55 (plus 3 in May) and am also old, fat and fucked - big hugs and etc. You are not alone... more big hugs.

DM's buyers buyers have pulled out. Her buyers are really lovely, really want the house etc, so have given them 2 weeks then it goes back on the market at the original price.

DH finally feeling better, can be up and functioning for at least half the day now. MRI/CT scan on April 30, and then we find out what happens next. I am drinking too much, smoking too much and not eating properly. Thank god for Ddog who at least makes me guzzle fresh air...
cockroach

Sorry to hear everyone is going through it this week.

Just muddling on here. Back at work on half my usual hours and going better than I expected tbh. Mum and Dad seem to be coping ok...touch wood.

The Calm app is also really good. I wasn't keen on it when I first tried it a few years ago, but did a trial last year and ended up subscribing. It's £35 a year but there's loads of different options on it, and DD also lots on with my username and listens to it, so well worth it.

My 'calm' thing is gardening... we have a massive garden, there is no way it can all be 'done'. But I've finally taken control of bits of it, and it's an amazing way of destressing, not just while you are digging out the bastard weeds, but also when you go out and look at the difference you've made.

Just to say that for some of use 55 seems amazingly young...

Agree re gardening. At this time of year, especially, every day brings something into flower that wasn't flowering yesterday.

And for those in the NW - wasn't it beautiful today? - snow in the morning, but in the afternoon the sun come out and all the hills were shining white.

I spent quite a bit of my energy last week in the garden. I hardly touched any of the things I should have been doing, instead I bought myself some willow sticks and string and created some supports that look like they they were measured with a set square. because if if that is the only corner of my life where I can apply order, then I will.

DS will get the treatment that I can pay for. Mental Health services here is woeful so I went private in order to get him help. He is on a very low dose of meds, but all they seem to have done is shaved off maybe 5% of the most extreme behaviours.