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Elderly parents
Original poster

The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

961 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 14/03/2019 21:28

... for anyone caring for elderly parents. Come and join us to ask for, or to give, sympathy, ask for advice, or have a good rant.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 20/07/2019 18:01

Another echo for the fresh Hell of drip drip cumulative pressure.... all the minor things build up. And the constant responsibility.
Glad to hear folk are treating themselves.

.

notaflyingmonkey · 20/07/2019 18:30

Well karma is a bitch. Phone call at 5.30pm this evening from mum's carer to say she'd run out of meds. Chemist closed. Not sure what I was expected to do? Care agency phone me at 6.30pm to ask me what I was going to do about it. I asked what they thought I could possibly do, given the chemist was closed and they hadn't warned me yesterday that she was running out.

Had a nice afternoon prior to that, getting some chores done. Now am sitting here battling tears.

yolofish · 20/07/2019 18:37

oh nota, what on earth could you possibly do? unless absolutely critical and you phone OOH GP, that's all I can think of? will she be ok til Monday? don't cry, it's not your fault xx

notaflyingmonkey · 20/07/2019 18:39

Thanks Yolo. What I am going to do is change agency. I'm getting really sick of them putting everything onto me to do.

Short term, fingers crossed she'll be ok til Monday when the chemist opens.

thesandwich · 20/07/2019 18:49

Oh nota that’s really rubbish. So sorry. Could ooh doc help st all? Or nhs non emergency number to order emergency prescription?
It’s always when we drop our guard and things go pear shaped....
🌺🌺🌺

RosaWaiting · 20/07/2019 20:22

nota big hugs, what a mare.

is there a duty chemist open tomorrow that the carer can get to?

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 20/07/2019 20:48

I realise of course that I am oversharing here, but have just given myself a kick and splurged £100 on a lovely frock from John Lewis for DD's graduation. Oh gosh, it never even occurred to me that I should buy a new frock for DS's graduation! I never did get the hang of this motherhood thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 20/07/2019 20:54

I asked what they thought I could possibly do, given the chemist was closed and they hadn't warned me yesterday that she was running out. Well done for that response!

It's so nice not to be responsible for meds now, someone else (care home) keeping track of how many are left and when to re-order. I used to have a spreadsheet of how many in stock at the last audit, when each one was expected to run out ... Just part of the behind-the-scenes maintenance required to keep an aged parent living "independently"

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 20/07/2019 23:21

How are the mulberries Dint?

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 21/07/2019 08:02

Not ripe yet. We're in a frost pocket in a cold bit of the world. We're still on strawberries (alpine - garden ones have finished), raspberries and loganberries.

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 21/07/2019 08:10

Mine were doing well before yesterday's downpour. Due to get a lot of sun this week, so am hopeful we'll get a decent crop yet. Still on raspberries and waiting for the figs.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 21/07/2019 09:02

waiting for the figs. I avert my eyes from the figs. I always have a feeling that acknowledging the presence of fruit is inviting disaster. At most one of us may remark to the other "the fig looks as if it has a bad infestation of galls"

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 21/07/2019 12:08

Got to my mum's this morning to find a bulb had blown and knocked out the fuse. Note from last night's carer said that the house was in darkness but that mum had a candle. She's 90 FFS. So I changed the bulb and reset the fuse by pressing a button. Took 2 mins. I am now determined to change the agency asap. Mum also can't remember where she'd hidden her bank card. But I could only take so much drama in one visit, so will leave that one for another time.

thesandwich · 21/07/2019 12:18

nota that sounds rubbish. Are you ok?

yolofish · 21/07/2019 15:22

nota that's awful. can you kick ass with someone today?? thing is, you cant really change agency unless you have another one lined up to take over with immediate effect (sorry...). take care of yourself xx

notaflyingmonkey · 21/07/2019 19:16

I'm fine thanks both. I had already sent a sternly worded email last night after the meds fiasco, at the foot of which I asked to be reminded of our notice period. I'd looked at another agency earlier in the year which also takes the oldies to appointments, shopping, etc. It's more money, but I think work investigating so that I don't have to use up my leave for that sort of thing. I have emailed them to set up a meeting.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 22/07/2019 10:27

I can understand that a carer wouldn't want to reset a fuse. They're not qualified to do electrical stuff, a decision has to be made as to whether this is a simple one-off (a bulb blown) so it's safe to re-set, or whether the fuse has blown to protect people - eg water in the electrics - so definitely shouldn't be re-set. If you make the wrong decision, you've just made a mistake, if they do, they're in a position of care and responsibility, and they could be held legally liable.

I'd suggest getting hold of some battery run LED lights for emergency lighting. You can also get lights that plug into sockets and only come on when the power has gone off.

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 22/07/2019 10:56

It's not the fact they didn't change the bulb Dint, but the fact they left her like that with no lights apart from a candle and didn't think to call me.

RosaWaiting · 22/07/2019 11:22

nota I was wondering that, the fact of them not calling would bother me as well. How did your mum feel about it?

thesandwich · 24/07/2019 21:48

Hope everyone and your elderlies are coping in the heat.
cockroach all.

RosaWaiting · 24/07/2019 23:50

I called my mother and announced I was checking on the elderly
She thought it was hilarious!

yolofish · 26/07/2019 00:32

It is officially Too Bloody Hot. Went in the sea with Ddog today, but realised I am better off swimming on my own as it freaks her out a bit if I am in over knee height. Every time I swam she swam out with me to get her ball, and then went all the way back to the edge so I had to wade out again - I always wear a tshirt for sun protection so was exhibiting a fat wet tshirt look to all and sundry. Next time I will go on my own for a proper swim and then take her later!!

nota any luck with the new agency?

rosa my DM always used to say that other people were so OLD!

cockroach all

RosaWaiting · 26/07/2019 01:10

yolo what I wouldn’t give to be near the sea!

It’s good about mum really. She’s feeling better though we still don’t have scans back. My sister says “if you were 80, you wouldn’t think it was old either”.

I don’t say that I hope not to be 80 Blush

notaflyingmonkey · 26/07/2019 07:11

I need to chase the agency up today Yolo, I'm working from home today so intend to start and finish early so that I can get some chores like that done.

Had DD's graduation ceremony yesterday - suited and booted in central London where it was officially hotter than hell.

flamingnoravera · 26/07/2019 09:24

Hello all. I visited mum yesterday to see a procession of carers, AgeUk and drs. A care plan has been put in place for both my mum and her husband with private carers- however mums husband is now becoming very awkward over money. They have purchased and still own two properties together with each contributing different amounts of capital- the husband now wants mum to pay for all his care because "I bought the house"- this is becoming difficult to manage and I wonder if anyone knows if a solicitor would be able to help get to the bottom of who has paid what and any settlements they need to make to each other to sort out equity?