The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

[MereDintofPandiculation]

... for anyone caring for elderly parents. Come and join us to ask for, or to give, sympathy, ask for advice, or have a good rant.

I was thinking about the moaniness today. It absolutely used to do my head in, and I tried every single tactic under the sun. Nothing worked, and it was basically because my DM no longer knew how to be happy with what she had (which was actually quite a lot despite her health problems). She turned away every offer of support - the befriender was 'so dull', she wouldnt go to old peoples lunches because they were all Old and not PLU (!) And because she couldnt/wouldnt do anything to help herself, or take happiness from other people's (me and the DDs) happiness she turned into a soul sucker. When I reach that stage it is the revolver in the darkened room for me.

needmoresleep, yes waiting for the inlaws to crumble. Not my job, this time round (although it will undoubtedly end up being, not sure how I am going to cope with that one)

cockroach all round.

need that does sound horrendous. My “bone tired” with mum is not that bad, I realise!

More hospital tests due but update is they seem to think it’s a kidney function issue and mum is feeling better, so I wonder if the UTI she had a while back was more serious than they thought? Anyway, we just have to wait and see but the fact that she’s feeling better is good.

yolo I really worry about mum reading that stage tbh. She does enjoy her time with me and sis and takes an interest in our friends, happy for them to go visit her etc. But she is 80, your mum wasn’t like that till later in 80s I think?

What is PLU please?

PLU= People Like Us, aka snobby!! my mum was 88 when she died, so I guess started getting really tricky about 78?

Oh....I was not expecting that for PLU. I have a couple of friends who say “people like us” and they mean things like, homophobia not welcome, for example.

Or that we are very casual relaxed people....like in another thread, I was saying I cut my own hair and the sort of person who tries to lecture me on why I should go to a hairdresser gets very short shrift! Sorry, these are random examples.

I hope mum doesn’t change but there’s no predicting the future of course.

rosa my mum was appalled if I ever called her a snob. But although she could - and would - talk to anyone, and a lot of people really liked her, she had an intrinsic thing about 'class'. Which was bizarre, but whoever really understands someone else? She was funny, she had lots of gay friends, also muslim/hindu friends, but could come out with some really appalling, embarassing stuff...which got even worse as she got deafer and spoke louder!

yolo “whoever really understands someone else”

True. Btw how is DDog? I used to want a cat but now thinking a dog might be nice, in the theoretical future where I don’t live in a flat!

Ddog is just the best! she's such a loving, funny thing, can also be a PITA, completely tennis ball-obsessed, love her to bits! the 3 dcats are also a delight. thoroughly recommend having a pet, cats are less trouble eg if you are in a flat, but just depends (we've had cats for the last almost 40 years, dogs for about 12?)

The thing I can’t get my head round is clearing up after dogs!

It’s definitely for the future but someone at work was telling me a dog would be fine in my flat. Not convinced as its boiling hot. A house with cats and dogs sounds fun!

Speaking of class, something I never consider, the cutlery thread is worrying me in case people have been judging me for ...doing something wrong.

I think that deserves an explaination Rosa for those of us who are now intrigued!

This thread
I can’t believe the things people really notice!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3640750-Knife-and-fork-how-do-you-push-food-onto-fork

Well ladies, DD1 is now officially a BA Hons, wore the robe and the hat, got the certificate etc. It was a lovely, but stressful and exhausting day. All 4 of us made it, and DH coped pretty well up until about 5pm, but unfortunately we had to stay longer because DD1 wasnt meeting her friends straight away, and I didnt feel we could just dump her on her own (I mean, we could have, but not exactly festive?!)

We eventually got home at 8.30pm, having left at 10am, dog mega-excited to see us (dogwalker had been in), DH has gone to bed and I am just kind of winding down with some (lots) .

Both DDs now out on the piss in London, god knows when we will see them both again, but both with different groups of friends so will hopefully be safe if very hungover.

A bit outing, but DD was at Greenwich, and the graduation ceremony was in the Old Royal Naval Chapel. Very beautiful, and also very special for me because my father was at the RNC in the late 40s/early 50s, and he died 8 weeks before she was born. Something very circular about that.

yolo that sounds like a brilliant day. So glad you all made it.
Fantastic.
🍷🍷🍷🌺🌺

Yolo, So glad it went well and what a great venue for it!

So pleased you had such a special day Yolo

Sounds lovely Yolo, so glad your DH managed the day. Sounds like a lovely venue and maybe the universe is sending you a positive message. (I think if the universe was sending me any messages lately they would probably be abusive).

DD's graduation is this Thursday. I still don't have anything to wear as I have had no time to go to any shops that sell clothing for beached whales. Bought a couple of frocks from ebay that look hideous on, so am now running out of both ideas and time. I really do want to look halfway decent for her, but am not sure I can pull it off!

I realise of course that I am oversharing here, but have just given myself a kick and splurged £100 on a lovely frock from John Lewis for DD's graduation. Not least of all because I have probably spent that in total on things from ebay which go straight in the charity bag.

well done nota, it's all too easy to forget ourselves in the chaos of sorting everyone else out. I went with a Jasper Conran from Debenhams which was quite expensive, but looked good, and I will wear it for a wedding next week, so cost per wear already halved (!!)

Precisely Yolo. I am also struggling with DS, and have been for about a year, so my MO is to go to supporting everyone else, and putting my own needs last (if at all). The dress is from Kin at JL, which is my lust after type of clothing normally, but, sod it. If I keep wearing rags from ebay then I will continue in sack cloth and ashes mode.

Glad everyone is happy with their new clothes!

I’m off to mum’s and have a strong feeling of anxiety. I do sometimes get that, in the “what will we find today” sense. My sister never gets it. I’m jealous.

I had a call on my mobile last night from mum's care agency. Oddly, when the name flashed up I wasn't flooded with anxiety as I usually am when that happens, more of a 'what fresh hell is this' feeling. Because have been through anxiety overload, I have had to step back from it all, which whilst hard for me to do, has helped me.

yes to both the anxious feeling and the 'what fresh hell' feeling. It took me about 6 months after mum died to not automatically go into fight or flight mode when the phone rang.

I do think we all deserve nice things from time to time, we matter too!

Thank you
I feel bad because it’s not like a fresh hell, usually just a minor irritation. But some days are better than others I guess.

It's also cumulative, Rosa. None of us should underestimate that.

The cumulative, drip drip drip, water torture is worse than the crises, I think. In a crisis people pull together, but when you are the lobster being slowly boiled alive no one really notices...