Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support and a rant

[thesandwich]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

We got my mother a talking watch as she has difficulty with numbers and telling the time. She won't use it. When she complains about being unable to tell the time and we suggest she uses the watch, she denies that she possesses it.

We also got her one of those clocks that just says things like "It's Saturday morning" to help her orient herself - also to try to discourage her from going to bed as soon as it gets dark in the belief that it must be night time. Initially she got the carers to reset it so that it just showed the time (she already has a digital clock that does that). After we asked them not to, she just ignores the clock anyway.

When someone has this utter determination not to help herself, it's so tempting to stop bothering.

Grace Because DM was sectioned & in a mh unit at the time of my DF’s catastrophic stairway fall it took us ages to sort without power of attorney. Their joint finances were out of bounds until we got DM’s guardianship from the courts. It was a full nine months before we could do anything as my DF had willed everything to DM. So waiting nine months until your DM is stronger or until your financial PoA for your mum comes through would be OK I reckon based on my experience.

I am so so grateful that I found this!! Thank you so much The sandwich!!!

You are welcome 0kids- I cannot take credit just carrrying on the baton started by many others- not sure how many threads so far originally started by@ssd in the mists of time. Feel free to offload/ vent/ rant or ask the unaskable..... loads of wise oneshere or in the shadows.
cockroach all.

so mum went to see a friend this afternoon

she was bored, not anxious or anything, just fancied getting out and seeing a friendly face. she only went for a cup of tea and bit of cake so wasn't long.

I actually think that might be a really good sign...not an expert on grief, but hoping it's a good sign?

That sounds good to me grace on my limited experience.

Sounds good news grace

Update
DD visited tonight and found DF had some kind of injury to shin! Or at least had a plaster on - I will check out tomorrow
Has been out of bed though
No response to email stating my concerns - after consultation with DB have decided to escalate to formal complaint on Monday and will copy in as many trust board members as I can find an email for
More positively - apparently DF is now fit for discharge - wonder if they want us off their patch!
I will check if nursing home are ok to have him back first thing in morning and sort out his transport (helps having family member who works for ambulance service)
Even if we have hatched escape plan I’m not letting them off the hook - if nursing home won’t have him back on DTA mark 2 then I will try and get him moved to a more specialised ward that can meet his needs

dint sandwich

not to read too much into it but it seems like a big step forward. also she has binned the bag we brought back from the hospital - just toiletries and so on, but it's been sitting there for ages and I have heard of people not throwing anything out for years.

Jace good if he is discharged, fingers crossed

this poster said she'd posted on this thread but I can't see that she has, so just flagging it up in case anyone can advise her

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/3463061-elderly-auntie-deteriorating

You don't know how good it feels just to know I have somewhere I can "off load". I can see I might be doing some soon!

Whenever you are ready 0kids! grace small but important steps- your mum is stronger than you think.

Woke up this morning to the joyous thought "that's a whole night's sleep without a phone call".

Then the phone rang.

Reablement person came in this morning to find him on kitchen floor, and had called 999. Fortunately falls are low priority, so had time to help him back up and give him breakfast, then ambulance paramedic phoned and she and I decided ambulance not needed. He's physically unharmed, as confused as you'd expect after a late breakfast, and the last thing he needs is another stay in hospital to drop his mental state further.

Dint can you sort him an emergency alarm? Mum like others upthread kept hers out of the way on a hook above the sink. Until she spent a night on the floor and now wears it.

can you sort him an emergency alarm? He won't have the standard fall alarm because it works via the phone system, and if anyone attaches anything to his phone system they will realise his system is illegal and he will spend next Christmas in prison. So he's got a Doro mobile phone with alarm button, but he can't discriminate between an emergency "I'm on the floor and can't get up" from eg "I'm just going downstairs to breakfast" or "Carer switched my bedroom light off last night", and is finding it very hard to talk on the phone, so we end up having to go round anyway to see what's happening. Thinking about fitting up a remote camera so we can see what's going on, but there again I'm thinking he's probably beyond independent living. Sorry, probably too much info there, but it helps to get it off my chest now and again.

Nursing home are ok to have him back but have a cut off time of 5
Rang ward this morning to inform them of this and enquire re injury
Apparently he was moved wards last night
Tried to ring new ward no one answering so decided quicker to drive over
Found DF slumped in bed again, had to alert staff to move ASAP
No glasses 1 hearing aid missing - great for communication
Best yet no wheelchair!
Sorted all of the above - sent another email to hospital manager
Nothing in his notes about any injury or dressing it etc - so took photos - thankfully only minor
Doubt it’ll be possible to move him out today now so will start afresh in morning as soon as they allow me on ward

Cockroach all x

Cockroaches to all - wonder if there is a collective name for a heap of cockroaches
I’m on second gin round at DDs whilst her DP cooks for us
So lucky I’m not alone dealing with this
Flowers and hugs to you all

Following, thanks for the thread

thanks for the mention @thesandwich

so glad this board is helping so many of you , it kept me from feeling so lonely when no one else got it

good to see you @ssd!!! Your legacy on this board is - I wouldn’t say going strong, but giving a welcome support and vats of Teflon and gin to many! Plus he old cockroach or two!
🌺🌺🌺to those deep in the trenches- jace and dint, plus 🍷🍷toeveryone else.

DM on second course of AntiB's for a UTI in a week. Today we discover she has wet macular degeneration so needs urgent referral to eye specialist. So once again I've had to let DD down, we were only going for a coffee but even so. Thankfully DH has stepped into my place. Teflon and gin by the vat load to everyone.

Another night in A&E

Oh no Mere. Hugs.

Oh dear Dint, what's happened now?

dint sending hugs