Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

What good news, yolo!

Popcorn - I had a similar experience recently when I took my mother and her friend to a local event. Her friend enjoyed it all, but pointed out to me that my mother was looking grumpy through much of it. It's impossible to know how to respond.

Wonderful news yolo!!! Enjoy your well deserved break!!
Teflon and gin all round!

Yolo, that's great news! Hope you can make the most of a bit of respite!

Dad was really bad today - suffering with delusions about his nursing home, which is a lovely, calm & safe place. Also I had a slight feeling that he didn't know who I was to start with.

This is so utterly totally fucking shit, my dad is the loveliest man & just doesn't deserve this. It breaks my heart to see him sitting in his chair looking so lost & bewildered, & I miss my dad so much.

I keep crying - which has worried the kids so now I feel crap about that too, although they're quite used to me crying sometimes!

Plus my wonderful MIL is rapidly losing her memory, which is also terribly unfair - she's the most gentle & kind person, just so lovely.

Fucking bloody buggery bollocks.

Sorry for all the language!

I think it's actually rather lovely that your children can see your attachment to your dad, and sorrow at his loss. You can reassure them that you will be ok, and that it is normal to feel weepy when sad things are happening. You've got a great opportunity to teach them that cuddles from people you love help!

Thankyou pickle, we've always tried to be open about feelings & crying so you're definitely right. I think it's all to easy to add to feeling sad about one thing with the "and also..." thoughts, which is not helpful to anyone really!

Oh eek * too* not "to" - my worst grammar bugbear - can't let that go even in my miserableness!!!

I’m so sorry under. Nothing can help. It’s shit. But please vent away...hope it might help. Howl at the moon all you need to.

Thankyou, sandwich. I think if it wasn't for this thread, I really would be howling! x

I agree that this thread is a life saver. Stopped me not just from howling but commuting murder.😖 I don’t think anywhere else would you find so many people facing the same problems, being so kind and so willing to share there knowledge.

I had the ultimate sense of humour failure this week. DB texted me to say if all the hospital appointments didn't work out for mum we could always get her in at his local hospital - Gosport War Memorial. I texted back - what are you talking about, you want to change her hospital, why, what on earth for?! And then realised I'd just killed his joke stone dead.

My humour is failing too, clearly. I don't get it!

Dad seems to be retreating more & more into a parallel world where he's doing the work that he loved, meeting people he hasn't seen for years but it makes him anxious because he feels he hasn't got all the contracts etc that he needs. Also there's a darker side to it because he thinks he's surrounded by imposters in a place which is identical to his nursing home but isn't really what it seems.

It's getting worse every day - yesterday he didn't want me to wheel him down for his lunch because he was waiting for a meeting with someone who doesn't exist.

How much worse is this going on o get for him?

I got it monkey! nothng like a bit of black humour... so sorry under that sounds hard. my little holiday ends tomorrow when DB and SIL go home. havent seen mum since Sunday, so at least there should be something to talk about! altho the bad news is that she has been self-medicating with extra cocodamol she made me take in when the home had run out. DB is going to remove it today.

Oh Under. How sad.

Under I am so sorry. Fil got this way for a while.... agitated because he had to pick someone up to go to work and he’d be waiting etc. If I remember it didn’t last long- perhaps worth checking medication to soothe him a bit? It is a cruel cruel disease. So very sorry.
Yolo- sorry your respite is over. A ladle of Teflon for you in preparation.
Nota- that’s the hospital with all those unexplained extra deaths ? Shipman style?

sandwich, I've emailed his consultant twice to ask exactly that but no reply! I'm going to contact the Parkinson's nurse to see what she suggests, and the nursing home was going to ask the doctor to see what he thinks.

Unfortunately I think it's the Lewy bodies dementia taking hold but hopefully there's something we can do.

Oak Tree, I am not sure I liked everything about Oliver James' Contented Dementia, but his suggestion that you go along with the elderly persons narrative and fit things into that rather than push reality is intereating and useful. His idea seems to be that you try to avoid upset and confusion by trying to keep things on an even keel and not challenging or confronting. Apparently it is not an approach that has universal approval.

Needmore, I tend to just acknowledge what he's saying with something non-committal or ask here how he feels about it. I don't contradict or correct him as he is so convinced by what he's saying that it just doesn't feel right to do that. The only problem sometimes is if he says something like "oh could you just put that next to the boats" when there are no boats...

Thankyou all for your support - it really does help

FIL has finally been moved from hospital to a secure mental health unit. I hope he gets the help he needs. However I don't suspect they have any treatment for grumpy old pessimistic non tolerant people,

doesthis is that a permanent move? Definitely sounds like the best place for him at the moment.

Also does, I meant to say I hope you're keeping cool in this heat! When are you due? x

@UnderTheOakTree I believe so, I'm not sure he will ever be allowed home.

I'm doing ok, I'm 26 weeks due early October, I'm spending a lot of time indoors in front of the fan 😂

my respite is over... and seems like things are getting worse. DB and SIL go home early tomoz - so grateful to them for being here since Tues.

Mum has hospital appt Thurs, I cant go as we are going to a 60th birthday party in London. Home will arrange it all etc. And we have given up so much socially in the last few years for DM, buggered if I'm giving up a night away at this stage for our best man.

She has been told by physio today that she may need to be in home for a further 2 weeks - NHS said they would fund 6, dont know what happens when that runs out? She says she wont pay to stay there, but what she doesnt realise is that if she comes out she will have to pay for private physio AND personal care (right handed, cant wash/dress herself etc). Private physio is vv expensive and very unlikely to be daily.

Sigh, back into the breach tomorrow dear friends.

Flowers, wine, gin, cake etc to all of us.

Friday FIL was moved to secure mental health unit.

Today he told them he didn't feel well. He's now been sent back to hospital. He'll love that I'm sure.

It literally is one thing after another