Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

That's terrible! I'm so sorry!

We've spoken to the minister tonight and he just keeps going on saying well someone needs to deal with his money and make sure he has money so we have yet again reiterated that we are not going to do that. And that he has absolutely no need to have access to any money. Just going round in circles. The minister is a people pleaser, and we'd rather he just didn't bother because he's just trying to rail road us which isn't going to happen

Had a really long day today, left home at 7.30, got home at 6.30, drove about 260 miles (including long diversion to see DM in care home). She says they have 'lost' her prescription and therefore she couldnt have any painkillers last night (cocodamol) so they gave her something different. Went to talk to one of the nurses: they had lost her scrip so gave her something else last night with her consent, assuming it was just paracetamol rather thn cocodamol. However the nurse assured me she had had cocod at 8am, 12 noon and 4pm today and would get another dose tonight. It's so difficult, the staff are really lovely but none of them have english as a first language, and I dont really know whether DM is confused (easily possible, she has for ex lost all track of time), in pain, or what? Plus she is very deaf and scared, she says things like "I shared the chocs visitors brought so that the staff like me". And she gets pissed off when she tells me stuff like this and I go off to find someone to sort it - which is their job after all?!

DB and SIL planning to come next Tues-Sat, but SIL has oncology appt on Tues and I cant tell DM they are coming til I know result of that - she could well be referred for immediate chemo. Plus I cant visit on Mon due to work commitments.

Gah. etc to all of us...

Mum and dad now both in the dementia unit of the lovely nursing home. Bloody heart breaking but we’d exhausted home support. I originally found this nursing home 2 years ago and we hung in all this time,

I’ve started on selling their house to pay for the care home. Had valuations today.

Grateful for any tips about house clearance. They were tidy and minimalist but it’s emotional stuff

Hi Long way! When we cleared an elderly relatives house it felt very odd.

It would help me to choose to see it as a positive thing- the chance to go through memories, helping your parents when they can't help themselves, saving the special items etc. If you keep repeating all the good reasons you are doing it, all the positive outcomes, it will get easier.

And if you have a little cry- indulge it, and follow it up with a nice

Hi all- sounds like everyone is facing a tough time.yolo that sounds tough- can you make sure everyth8ng gets written down? You must feel so helpless. You will soon find out the most reliable staff.and she will be grumpy.
Long long.... can you get a friend to help you with the toughest stuff? Many charities offer house clearance help. Sending lots of 🍫🍫☕️☕️.
Pickle- how are you doing? 🌺🌺

And she's gone... off on the train home. Not without faffing and drama, but hey ho! She needs to have everyone bustling around her, to feel like she matters.

I'm on the sofa, feet up, planning a vodka and coke. Bliss. It's lovely and quiet.

🍸🍸. Pickle! And a 😇.

Chinchin!

I've been keeping up with everyone's posts but finding it hard to organise my thoughts to comment on anything.

I've found talking to Mum about Dad really difficult because we see things so incredibly differently & I struggle to rise above her negativity and scorn, & this really doesn't do my head any good at all.

Unfortunately I don't think calling her out on her snarky comments would have any beneficial effect so I just need to deal with it... but it's really hard.

Sorry for the rant & wishing you all as peaceful & drama free week as possible ( & or for when it's not possible!)

Teflon at the ready! And rant away.

Teflon needed! Was doing soooo well... taking Mum for hosp appt, planned timing etc to give her plenty of time and not rush and enjoy the cafe there.....all going well, guard slips, .. then a tirade about I wish Mrs x next door would get something done about her teeth......( she only ever speaks to the woman once in a blue moon! Aargh!!! Gin please!

It's funny. Mum finds the existence of other people really inconvenient, too!

FIL also has no tolerance for other people. And if he's miserable he'll make sure me attempts to make every bugger else miserable.

I'm really enjoying this new found freedom of not actually going to see him 🎉🎉🎉

Thanks pickle- hic!

Oh Sandwich, I'm really sorry but the comment about the teeth really made me laugh! My mum often describes people by the most negative thing she can find about them e.g the nurse with the lank hair/the dumpy woman in the village with the terrible teeth & so on... judgey pants aplenty!!!

Well done for standing your ground, Doesmyname - I know it's a hard thing to do! We're all behind you!!!

@Alonglongway a lot of charities do house clearance. Here in the south east, St Francis Hospice and the Air Ambulance do it. Either a paid for service where they take everything, or a free service where they take just what they can sell.

We used the Hospice. They were brilliant , cleared quite a large 3 bed house I think we paid about £700. They then vacuumed before they left.

I used to dread sitting in hospital waiting rooms with my mum. The comments about race, size or anything at all made me cringe. I would have stood away from her but the one time I tried it, she had managed to muscle in on someone’s appointment...I had to rush behind her and grab her back, taking a full view of some mans backside.

Mum comments on everyone- she's not judging you understand, just observing (that that woman is wearing black tights with white shoes, that people seem to eat all the time now and then complain that they are fat, that some people don't seem to care about their appearance...)

She's apt to queue jump and play the little old lady needs special treatment, and try and get money off. She's never muscled in on s9meone else's appointment at the doctor, though!

sorry but laughing so much at everyone else's parents! it's so awful when you feel bad for what they say, but maybe, just maybe, when they do this in public everyone else is feeling as bad as we do?

oh yes, not judging but observing - and fucking loudly too in DM's case as she is deaf as fuck but still able to hear anything she doesnt want to?!

Cavalry coming tomorrow in shape of my DB and SIL - please god. I have not had a whole day at home for about 3 weeks now and I really need to do some work/household admin. Was in London all day today for my charity, really hard work and so hot.

Tipples all round.

Glad I have made you laugh!! Yolo fingers crossed for the cavalry.
As well as Teflon application in advance I always need defragging after!
At hospital visits I notice many daughters pushing wheelchairs and exchange understanding smiles....
Under... hope your Teflon is holding up. I’ll see if I can recall some more gems to make you smile.

Sitting in my mum's GP surgery with her is like Russian roulette. The patient's get called by their names appearing on a huge ticker-tape display. She likes to make (loud) jokes at their expense 'Gary Barlow, that person's name is Gary Barlow - give us a tune then!' because she thinks everyone will indulge this little old lady. Mostly people ignore her and glare at me (I sit glued to my phone avoiding all eye contact). Or worse, to comment on how forrin the names are.

She also declares (again loudly) that anyone with brown skin is forrin and therefore she can't possibly understand them before they've opened their mouths to speak. She turned to me after the last bdoctor she'd seen, who was black, had finished speaking and said to me I can't understand him, where's he from? I took a moment and said 'London by the sounds of it'. She then sulked at what she took was me being clever. Worth it though.

Oh my! So many of us seem to share the same mother.

Mine too looks for the most negative thing about a person, while still assuming that they'll be falling over themselves to help her. Yesterday she complained that a neighbour is constantly cutting his grass (as if this was evidence of antisocial behaviour on his part), but never offers to cut hers. I was tempted to invite her to list all the favours she'd ever done for him, which he could now repay by grass-cutting, but thought better of it.

and all round!

my cavalry is here! and best of all, my SIL got the cancer all clear today after some pretty gruelling chemo...

DM was delighted to see them, and on finest possible form (apart from complaining about the noise - as she is stone deaf I cant see how this is much of a prob?). God bless them, they are here til Saturday. love my DB and SIL. Spent the day in the garden apart from the mad dogs and englishmen hours when I sensibly retreated indoors. planning to rinse and repeat as much as poss for next few days.

nota and monica I've been there in both cases, and sandwich yes to the other daughters - who always seem much nicer than me! etc all round x

Oh Yolo, I'm so pleased!

A friend commented on DMs behaviour at church on Sunday. I was so relieved- it's so normal I feel I'm unreasonably impatient, so someone else noticing is very reassuring.