Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

Love it! Teflon, nod, smile.. and repeat..
We can do this. United we will survive ... won't we?!!

I think I’ve gorgotten about Teflon recently. I must stock up!

Teflon! Brilliant!

Oooh the Teflon took a battering today taking dm out..... “we’ve got the letter about when we’ve got to go to the hospital” “ok i’ll Check my diary’s” look of disbelief that I could possibly have anything more important or immovable to do than take her for a routine scan........
Kept nodding and smiling and when’s wine o’clock????
But it survived. More Teflon anyone??

Teflon Teflon Teflon is my new mantra! I behaved very well today considering... however I came home with all her flowers "the staff dont like them" (?!|) plus some orange juice "oh no I cant drink that" and a prawn sandwich "that will go off by the time I want it". so result really!
oh and tell DB "dont phone me, the reception here is terrible" - everyone else's phone works so think it down to incompetence. Anyway phoned DB who said he had just strained his throat due to shouting down phone so he not too unhappy!! Friday night or whatever your fancy to all.

😉😉😉I’ve started anyone joining me?🍷

Oh yes! How about a + cocktail?

Made the mistake of letting my Teflon guard down and thinking I could relax and enjoy a Friday evening. Nope she has to get in there with another of her horrid text messages. Just don't know what to do this can't go on.

Whatever, does she send horrid texts a lot? (Sorry still quite new on here so don't really know backgrounds).

Did you ignore/delete?

Have you got something nice planned for tonight? Maybe put your phone on silent - I use caller id on my landline to filter my mum's calls when I don't feel able to deal with them!

This has just come up in active conversations so I thought I’d pop over and say hello. I was on here a couple of years ago for a long time and it was hugely helpful.

So sorry to hear of all your struggles I remember my GP talking to me when my blood pressure had shot up and saying I needed to take a step back for my children’s sake. It was a bit of a turning point for me mentally as it felt as I had been given official permission to do so. Not great to get to the place where your health suffers from it though as it then gets to a state of self preservation.

Whatever you don’t have to put up with this and I bet this is the only situation where you take abuse like this. I don’t know all the details but you have options, though I suspect right now you’re too exhausted to feel you do. I’d consider texting her this morning and anyone else involved in her care and tell them that you are unwell and not to be disturbed for at least 48 hours and then turn your phone off, just to get an immediate break from it. You can then decide how to move forward.

I used to get calls from mum/her carers pretty much daily with messages like her meds haven't arrived or she's run out of bread. It was exhausting (I work full time, commute, have kids etc) and it meant I was putting time and energy into dealing with her errands that I wasn't putting in elsewhere in my life that needed it.

When I was at breaking point last autumn I booked a weekend away for me, DH and DCs and left a note for mum's carers to say that my phone would be turned off, so any contact needed to go to my DB. It was a huge relief and such a weight off. Oddly, since then, I've hardly had any calls from them. And when I do, I tend to do a version of I'm at work so what do you expect me to be able to do?

Thanks for kind advice. I'm really finding it hard to be firm without just going non contact. It's just on my mind all the time which is crazy when I have a full and happy life. I sent this message this morning:

I'm not going to get involved in any further conversations about what is in the past. What's done is done and there is no point continually going over it. Please don't message me about any of it again. If you need to talk it's more appropriate that you seek support from your friends.

Whatever that message sounds spot on. You must protect yourself.
More Teflon sent your way.....

Well done whatever. But is suspect that will only be the first of many times you may need to say that, but it gets easier with repeating.

good on you whatever, yes you may need to repeat it, but you've started and that's the hardest part.

Had a shit day (too long and involved to go into) but light on the horizon for me - DB and SIL are coming on Monday-Weds from 200 miles away, will stay in mum's house to look after the cat, and best of all will visit her 3 days on the trot. My DB is amazing.

Thank you for your support. Hope everyone has had a better day today .

🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫to whatever and yolo and everyone else going through it.

had a long convo with DM today. She doesnt want to die, but would be quite happy if she did. I had to explain some money stuff - basically if she reaches her 6 weeks NHS funded care and is judged unable to go home she will either have to discharge herself (and self fund for about 20 eeks) or allow herself to go into a home - unacceptable to her. So we discussed her stockpiling enough pills, and would I help her? I had to say that I would not got to jail for her....

I popped in to see my dad today - he seemed his old self, all smiles and laughter and twinkles. He is such a lovely man, so I was feeling quite upbeat about how well he seemed, no rambling, no delusions, able to hold a conversation.

I mentioned this to one of the nurses (who is really kind & helpful) & she told me very gently that he'd had a very bad day yesterday & basically to just take each day as it comes.

I knew this...I did... but it just really brought it home to me that I'm never getting my dad back & we're just watching him fade away. It's so fucking shit ( sorry for swearing ) - it's just that I miss him, but then I think that's silly as he's still here and hasn't died. I don't know how to process this at all. I'm seeing a Parkinson's UK lady this week to talk it all through so hopefully that will help.

Oh yolo that sounds like a tough conversation. Nothing insightful is occurring to me so I'm sending you a hug instead.

Hello all, have just found this thread but about to go to bed, so placement until I can introduce myself properly tomorrow.

Place marking*

oaktree the hugest hug to you, that is so hard to deal with, but somehow you will. As long as your dad remains happy and comfortable is the best for him.xxxxx

I honestly believe that we should all be able to end our own lives, painlessly, with dignity, when we choose to do so - and if we've lost that choice through lack of cognisance, then our named loved ones should be in a position to discuss with that our medics. Jesus, if we didnt do that for an animal we could rightly be prosecuted!

Sorry all, this is such a difficutl discussion. Mum was really happy today that we could broach it - we've brushed round the subject before - but I really do think it is the beginning of the end for her. She's had a bloody amazing life, travelled the world, had opportunities most of us would kill for. Has 2 adult kids (me and DB), 6 grandchildren, 4 great grandies. Lost her husband (my dad) almost 22 years ago, 8 weeks before DD1 was born. Most of her dearest friends, the ones she shared her youth with are also dead - really, what is the point of hanging on?

That sounds really callous! But if all my friends were dead, and my kids, and their kids, were sorted and my body was falling apart and I wasnt ill but not much hope of actually being able to function again, I think I might well feel the same...

Hello espresso!

I agree with you entirely, yolo. I know it's a tricky subject & one which tends to polarise opinion, but having seen how my dad is suffering & how tired he is of having to grit his teeth (literally) with the pain because he's maxed out on all the possible painkillers he could have, I know how I would feel in the same situation.

Goodness I'm so glad I found this thread...

oaktree pain is no fun xxx