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Original poster

Help - Need to send daughter to boarding school

228 replies

KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:10

I'm looking for any advice you wise lot may have about sending my daughter to boarding school. Fees are not an issue. It has become very clear that the state system is not working for her or us as a family and we need to move her as soon as possible.

I've trawled through the various websites and have noted the various open days, etc. As she is 14 and currently out of school is it possible for her to enter before the next full admissions year or not? Incidentally we also have a son who is doing very well at the local state school in Scotland and have no intention of moving him so it's not a question of her current school/s being not good enough, just not working for her.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
DoctorAficionadoDelArse · 20/03/2010 15:17

why boarding school? what problems have you had with state schools?

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:22

I have no problem with the 2 state schools she has attended, they have been great. Unfortunately my DD needs to be in an environment where she can't abscond from school and meet up with drug dealing much older boyfriend. We have tried SS, Active schools, Safe Space, Guidance, Education Psychologist, etc and nothing has changed. She started a new LA school on Thursday and by Friday she had absconded again. Our alternatives now are to put her into care or boarding school. Incidentally her new LA school is unwilling to take her back as she has broken the rules by absconding during her trial period.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:22

What are the problems - is it possible that these will reoccur even if she were a boarder?

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:24

You are under the misundertanding that the school will be able to stop her absconding - locking her up is against her human rights so it really will not solve your problem.

fartmeistergeneral · 20/03/2010 15:24

Sorry, can't help, but just wondered how she feels about this? I know it's your decision as her parent, but will you have to drag her kicking and screaming across half of Scotland??

Fayrazzled · 20/03/2010 15:24

It sounds to me like you might have trouble finding a boarding school to take her, unless they have experience of dealing with "troubled" or "problem" children.

I really don't mean to offend you, but can't think of another way to describe what I mean.

I think the best way is to get on the phone to those you think might be appropriate and ask them if they'd take her, and when.

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:25

The only way you will be able to have your child held somewhere against her will is by having her sectioned and she will have the right to appeal that and as she is not mentally ill it will be rescinded.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:26

Thanks, no she is compliant, no kicking and screaming and her school work (when she is there) is exceptional. Her teachers describe her as a pleasure to teach. She is simply bloody minded and in love with this loser who can manipulate her at will.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:28

I'm not trying to rescind her human rights just have her in an environment that makes it impossible for this man to get his hands on her.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:29

So the problem isn't the school is it so moving schools will not change anything - if the kids I see are anything to go by she is placating you agreeing as she knows that they will not be able to stop her leaving the premises to do what she wants.

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:32

Yes I am aware that you are not trying to curtail her human rights but you cannot have her locked up somewhere it is not possible and is against her human rights.

We have young girls who go and offer sex to youths in return for drugs or just to get attention and without a section we are unable to lock them up regardless of the inappropriate or risky behaviour that they exhibit.

Believe me it will not work if she wants to see him she will, a boarding school I am afraid is not yor answer.

ChippyMinton · 20/03/2010 15:37

It does sound as though school is not really the issue. The 'boyfriend' is the problem here. No idea how (sorry) but shouldn't you be addressing this part of the problem instead of laying blame on your daughter and shipping her out?

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:37

It would be far more difficult for her to go and meet this man if she were in a place that it is difficult for her to tavel from. She is very well behaved (other than normal teenage strops) at home and I know that an environment where she is with other teenagers and kept busy would make her happy as she is very sociable. There are no local independant schools near where we live so going as a day pupil would be logistically impossible as DH and I work full time.

If she has to go into care (SS meeting with us to discus this on Monday), it will be to put her into a secure unit as she is deemed to be at risk due to her association with this man and her current friendship group. I am anxious for this not to happen so am looking for info on alternatives that might placate tem , IYSWIM.

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 20/03/2010 15:39

Give up your job so that you can spend time with her/supervise her out of school hours?

Apologies if this sounds a bit flippant, I don't mean to be.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:41

I have had the police round more times than I can count to search the boyfriends various addresses and bring my daughter home. He is currently on the sex offenders list.I can't stress how much I don't want to lock her up, I just want her to be happy and due to us having to monitor her every move is not making her or the rest of her family happy.SS have told us that there is nothing they can recommend to us that we are not already doing. I really don't want her to go into care.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:43

Chippy, I work around the childrens school hours already I take them to schoolm and collect them from school every day. All of hr home time is supervised, she doesn't abscond from home, just school (then tries to convince me that she has been there by turning up at pickup time, or just not coming back at all).

OP posts:
sdr · 20/03/2010 15:44

Agree with ChippyMinton I'm afraid. My parents sent my brother off at a similar age to get him away from drug mates. It just put the problem on hold and from his point of view his family didn't want him anymore. Can you as a family move away for a while?

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 15:47

I work in a secure unit and I am telling you that she will be able to leave as they will not be able to stop her - it is against her human rights - the kids often do not know this and so we can lock them in but it is a risky strategy.

Is there any way to approach it in terms of him being a sex offender and having contact with a minor?

It may work but I think it is risky and it is a big thing to do and pin your hopes on working because if she wants to see him enough to keep doing so even with police involvement and knowing he is a registered sex offender she will do it regardless of the travel issues.

Does she know what he has done, would telling her about what people like that do to children and letting her read posts about abuse help to put her off of him do you think - have you told her exactely what he has done?

sdr · 20/03/2010 15:47

Another option - is there an independent school where you could initially have her as a day pupil with a view to boarding? It may mean splitting the family for a short while (saw in your OP your DS is settled at school) as one of you stays with each child.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:48

Can't move as I am also carer for disabled parents and DH and I's work.Also DS is thriving here and all of our extended family live here giving our family much needed support. We really do love her and want to keep her safe. I feel as though I have no options left other than this, plus I now would need to find another state school to take her and she has exhausted all of her local options.

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 20/03/2010 15:50

If you are seriously afraid for her, could you not look at sending her to a boarding school abroad?

I know I will get a lot of outraged replies to this suggestion but if you are fearing for your young child - drugs, pregnancy, abuse, std... then there's nothing you won't do to try to protect them!

ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 15:50

Can't you have him nicked for something?

If he is a sex offender and keeps luring a 14yo girl away with him then he must be breaking a law somewhere?

belgo · 20/03/2010 15:52

You have my sympathy, I have two daughters myself and dread to think of a problem like this when they are teenagers.

If he is on the sex offender's list have you taken legal advice? Can you get a court order to stop him seeing your underage daughter?

ChippyMinton · 20/03/2010 15:52

I would be concerned that at boarding school she would be away from your (obviously caring) your influence, and also able to come and go as she pleases, espacially at weekends.

Do you think this man would follow her, or are you hoping he'd drop her and move onto another vulnerable girl?

DoctorAficionadoDelArse · 20/03/2010 15:53

If he is a registered sex offender and in a relationship with an under age girl he could be locked up, no?