Help - Need to send daughter to boarding school

[KatieScarlett2833]

I'm looking for any advice you wise lot may have about sending my daughter to boarding school. Fees are not an issue. It has become very clear that the state system is not working for her or us as a family and we need to move her as soon as possible.

I've trawled through the various websites and have noted the various open days, etc. As she is 14 and currently out of school is it possible for her to enter before the next full admissions year or not? Incidentally we also have a son who is doing very well at the local state school in Scotland and have no intention of moving him so it's not a question of her current school/s being not good enough, just not working for her.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Unfortunately fab its very difficult for secondary schools to stop kids from getting out if they really want to. Especially if its a large school site with more than one entrance/exit. Pupils have to move classrooms for different lessons throughout the school day, which gives an ideal opportunity for kids to disappear. So sorry to hear about this horrible situation Katie.

have only read thread quickly, has anyone said restraining order?

I too think that Boarding School would be a good idea. She would be devastated for about a week I should think, I would put money on her then making some friends and forgetting all about him.

And personally I would send her miles and miles away if not in another country. She will thank you for it when she is older.

The reason I know this is that we were a forces family, at around 15 I started getting into trouble and shouting the odds about moving out or going into care, my Dad promptly applied for a posting abroad (he was due posting anyway), I went with them raging and sobbing all the way, within weeks I had made friends, was back at school, didn't get too many GCSE's I am afraid, we had moved mid year but managed to get a job and sort of spring boarded into life from there. It wasn't all plain sailing but in hindsight I think my parents did the best thing.

I've e-mailed three and will be calling them first thing on Monday. After Easter would be perfect. I've been on unpaid special leave to care for her at home for 6 weeks out of the past 8, DH for 4. If we go on like this we will have no job left.

Incidentally, fees are being paid by grandparents out of kids trust fund. We both work in the public sector so could never afford to pay them ourselves.

He is lazy, sadly once she is off his radar it will be some other mothers nightmare.

I don't understand why he can't be legally made to stay away from her when she is
underage and he has offended in such a way before.

The police brought my brother home once because he had been spending time with a man who had groomed children in the past and been convicted of offences. The police said he was not allowed to spend time with them and on a routine check my brother had been at his flat.

My memory might be hazy but I am pretty sure he was arrested because he was there and he had broken some rule. My brother was devastated to find out the history. He had seen him as a father figure.

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a nightmare.

I think you are doing the right thing. At least you can say you have explored every option. I would do the same if I was in your position.

I think it's more than a short term solution needed - I don't think you could home school (with all the other things) and rent out in the sticks for the forseeable future - boarding school would offer a whole different 'way' of life - new friends, new focuses (sp?).

Which bit of scotland are you in?

off the top of head i would go for somewhere rubbish for public transport.

dollar academy

kilgraston girls perth,

strathallan

edinburgh schools are a bit fabulous for public transport.

A boarding school may or may not solve the problem (albeit in a very expensive way) but it is not going to solve the problem of the risk he poses to young girls. You should take proper legal advice on this - if all the professionals agree he is a danger to your daughter then they should be on your side if you try and get a restraining order against him.

If he is on the sex offender's register having had sex with a ten year old girl and is now regularly being found by the police in the company of an under age school while she should be a school, then the law must be able to do something about it.

So sorry you are going through this, it must be a nightmare.

I think we are all moving away from your original question now, which is understandable, so I will try and answer your questions.

Last year we moved my DS from the local private day school to a boarding school an hour away. For a number of reasons but primarily because he was not happy.

We were open and honest with the registrar, he sat the entrance exam and was then interviewed by the Head. As were we.

I am sure if you explain why you are doing this the school will be as helpful as they can be. At the end of the day they will be interested in her school work and what she is like as an individual.

You say she is, deep down, a good kid (sorry un Mumsnet use of word) who is sporty and musical so the school will want her. If they have a place.

Call a few schools and see what the registrars have to say.

They will be able to answer your questions about taking her mid-year. If you are going to pay the fees I am sure they will take her tomorrow.

And the fact she is compliant is great.

My DS is thriving at his new school and a changed child.

Whilst it is a boarding school they are not locked in and could, if they wanted, walk to the end of the drive, hitch a lift, flag a taxi and be off.

And given that we give him pocket money he has the freedom to do that. It is not allowed but in theory he could do it if he wanted to.

You will need to be sure your DD is not going to do that.

What about Gordonstoun? That is in the middle of blardy nowhere isnt it?

Good luck with it. This must be a nightmare and it sounds like you are at the end of your tether.

Shame this guy can't just be locked up. I dont understand why he is on the SOR and permitted contact with your DD.

He knows his "rights", has his own lawyer and always manages to not be around when the police turn up to search his known addresses Uncles, aunts, mothers, friends). I know the police are itching to lock him up, but can't yet.

Primrose, Kilgraston is on my list too. Edinburgh a no-no as the public transport links to where I live are excellent.

Belgo, I know it won't solve he problem of him, I wish I could, but unfortunately that would result in me or DH getting a custodial sentence.

BBM, thanks for sharing your positive experience (adds Gordonstoun to list).

Madam, she will be coming home at weekends.

'Belgo, I know it won't solve he problem of him, I wish I could, but unfortunately that would result in me or DH getting a custodial sentence.'

Why?

I was being facetious Belgo.

I'm confused

The law and our personal morality would not allow DH and I to take the law into our own hands and ensure that he is no other mothers problem, ever again.

In plain English, I can't/wont kill him.

Try this katie

Have you contacted a lawyer about this? You say you have seen other professionals.

I think KS was implying she would rough him up, which of course would never happen so no need to delete me MN . I think anyone with an ounce of ... a brain cell would want this guy being warned off these girls, however it may be.

If this had happened thirty years ago when I was her age my dad would have gone round to this bloke's house and given him a good hiding.

Gordonstoun definitely in the middle of nowhere - mile or so walk to the bus stop, then bus into Elgin. They have (or at least had) Saturday morning classes though, so not especially easy to be a weekly boarder. That might have changed since my day though.