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Original poster

Help - Need to send daughter to boarding school

228 replies

KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:10

I'm looking for any advice you wise lot may have about sending my daughter to boarding school. Fees are not an issue. It has become very clear that the state system is not working for her or us as a family and we need to move her as soon as possible.

I've trawled through the various websites and have noted the various open days, etc. As she is 14 and currently out of school is it possible for her to enter before the next full admissions year or not? Incidentally we also have a son who is doing very well at the local state school in Scotland and have no intention of moving him so it's not a question of her current school/s being not good enough, just not working for her.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:13

Thanks BBM, this is a far better site than the one google highlighted.

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Guadalupe · 20/03/2010 17:14

It is outrageous that he can act so brazenly and not fall foul of the law. I can't understand why they cannot issue him with a restraining order in these circumstances. He carries on and your lives turn upside down.

I really hope things improve for you and that your daughter is okay.

Cathpot · 20/03/2010 17:15

I realise you are in an impossible situation but I worry for you about boarding school because thats where I did all the things my parents were hoping I wouldnt. If she is already into drugs and sex there may well be more scope for her at school because as someone has already said, the supervision is just not as it would be at home.And you can always get out.And there is always hitching to get back to him.

I agree absolutely with your thinking that she needs a break from him to get him out of her system but I cant see the situation really resolving until SHE decides she has had enough.

Is there any possibility you could up and take her away with you for a couple of weeks, abroad possibly? Does it sound too crazy to take her somewhere where people are really struggling, as a wake up call to her throwing away her teenage years and her education and taking what she has now for granted? Focusing on what SHE wants to be in future- taking through how she is scuppering her chances of future happiness. Treat him like an addiction and try and motivate her to want to change the situation.

pastagirl · 20/03/2010 17:16

i have nothing to add but jsut wanted to say sounds like you are doing a great job in a really difficult situation. you got to have a list of things to try and if it was me i would try boarding school before secure as well. She sounds like a smart kid who has been completely duped by this guy.you are right to focus on her and let the police deal with him, if you can help well and good but your girl is more immeadiatly important. Have you considered including her on your plans, not so much giving her a choice but letting her into your decision making process in a really factual and unemotional way (that would be hard) but as she seems like a smart gril this might give her something to chew over while she has some breathing space plus looking at how other girls live their life. She might just see that there is more out there than a loser boyfriend and other ways to be wanted and valued by boys.

dittany · 20/03/2010 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:17

Can't get restraining order as he has not committed an offence against us (!!!!!!!!!!*). He wouldn't comply with one anyway, he certainly doesn't with his bail conditions. The Police just can't catch him.

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dittany · 20/03/2010 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poshtottie · 20/03/2010 17:21

Cathpot. Our family tried the trip overseas to a third world country with our 14 year old family member to try to get her to understand what she was giving up. It didn't work.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:22

Yes she knows and is willing do do whatever it takes to avoid care. She has broken off her relationship with him after discussions with everyone but he can always suck her back in.

I have talked myself stupid, ironically we ave a great relationship. When she is at home she is lovely. When questioned she cries and says she doesn't know why she keeps doing this. She knows she has a loving and caring family and insists that she loves us all very much, she "just wants to be with this man and her friends".

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Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:25

The diary is where I found out about what was going on in the first place, that, and his previous victims mother (bless her) coming round to tell me about him.

All of the girls except the first one deny having had sex with him (he's taught them well) so the Police are doing all they can.

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Besom · 20/03/2010 17:34

I imagine the problem with a restraining order also is because she goes to him?

I think (although not 100% sure) that interdicts tend to ban the person who is a risk to someone else from approaching a certain place (like a residence). If dd goes to the man's house it would not work.

Definitely worth seeing a lawyer though if you haven't already.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:35

Yes, she goes to him.

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dittany · 20/03/2010 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 17:42

You have sent the emails to the schools. You are taking positive action here. It is good to see, and good to hear that your DD is on board with the idea. All is certainly not lost, things are looking positive to me.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:43

I've seen some of the texts he sent her predecessor who is one of her best friends. She showed them to me and we laughed over them because he was being so creepy, things like "I'm only happy when I'm with you, babe, it feels like every bad thing just goes away when we are together", and the classic "No-one understands me like you, I love you more than life itself".

I, of course passed on this to the girls mother and somehow she managed to get her daughter to dump him...then it was DD's turn.

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Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 17:45

Thanks ImSoNotTelling, and thanks to everyone else too.

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TheSteelFairy2 · 20/03/2010 18:06

She sounds like she wants and needs rescuing from this situation. I think Boarding School or some kind of really strong action is the only way here, by that I mean kicking up a fuss with your MP, calling police, contacting solicitor.

becksydee · 20/03/2010 18:06

what a horrible situation, katiescarlett

fwiw, i went to boarding school & loved it, perhaps it will be the making of your DD. it is definitely worth a try, anyway, & from what you've said it does sound as if she would benefit from new surroundings, new friends etc.

i see someone has already mentioned kilgraston - the principal there used to the be head of 6th form at my old school & he is a wonderful, wonderful man. if anyone can (v kindly & gently) help keep your DD on the straight & narrow, he can

Beetroot · 20/03/2010 18:08

Have you looked at Millfield in Somerset?

Heathcliffscathy · 20/03/2010 18:10

jesus katie, sorry for having briefly misinterpreted your situation...yes, clearly you have to halt their contact. i just can't elieve as a known sex offender he is allowed contact like this!

my fear would be that boarding school would backfire

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 18:13

soph( sorry)
did oyu ever go to fish famrs

Beetroot · 20/03/2010 18:14

I think it depend which one Soph. I know Millfield keeps them very very busy!!

Heathcliffscathy · 20/03/2010 18:14

no, dh had several meetings with waitrose, thye are trying very very hard...visiting farm would have done nothing tho (unless accompanied by doc film crew which is still a poss).

Cathpot · 20/03/2010 18:16

Its interesting that she is compliant about ideas like boarding school- either she doesnt see it as an impediment to her relationship so feels she can safely agree and get everyone off her back or, hopefully, she wants to be away from him just doesnt know to manage it.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 18:20

Millfield looks great Beetroot, but the school has to be in Scotland.

Cathpot - I really don't know which one, either.

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