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Original poster

Help - Need to send daughter to boarding school

228 replies

KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:10

I'm looking for any advice you wise lot may have about sending my daughter to boarding school. Fees are not an issue. It has become very clear that the state system is not working for her or us as a family and we need to move her as soon as possible.

I've trawled through the various websites and have noted the various open days, etc. As she is 14 and currently out of school is it possible for her to enter before the next full admissions year or not? Incidentally we also have a son who is doing very well at the local state school in Scotland and have no intention of moving him so it's not a question of her current school/s being not good enough, just not working for her.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 16:20

Oh yes, and I wanted to say that there is no way I would be inviting a paedophile into my home under any circumstances, reverse psycholgy or not. As you know, it will just look to Social Services that you aren't safe-guarding your daughter.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:20

Guy is 19, she was 12 when she met him ( he was going out with at least 4 of her friends before it was her turn).The other girls parents have managed to see him off but not my girl unfortunately.

I fully expect my children to experiment with drugs, sex etc. But all the profesionals are unanimous that this man is a danger to my DD. I think (and she is up for it as she knows and has experienced a short stay in care) she would love boarding school. Until all this horror descended she played in the school orchestra, was captain of her netball and football teams, etc. She has changed so dramatically that it is frightening.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:21

I mean you can do that without having to send her away away IYSWIM. She could still come home after school.

Just in the middle of your nearest countryside would be good enough.

poshtottie · 20/03/2010 16:22

Is she using drugs? These type of guys take sex as payment.

This is what was said about our family member but it may not have been true.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 16:24

If she is happy to go (and I mean totally happy) then maybe it might just be a solution - worth a go at least. Taking her totally out of the situation/enviroment, totally new friends etc. might help. I know the problem is him but there is little point IMO trying to prove a point (? not quite that but cannot word what I mean), the situation needs to end and boarding school might be perfect. It may go horribly wrong, but, it's the best option IMO - him keep hassling her and lead her astray, or a secure unit etc. If she is saying she is happy to go maybe secretly she really really wants to.

FabIsFallingApart · 20/03/2010 16:24

100% supervision between the family and maybe paid help?

Is he a paedophile? Or is he having sex with girls 14-16?

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:25

There are 3 potential girls schools that are close enough for her to be a weekly boarder. Getting to and from school on a daily basis would be impossible logistically.

Bit of Fun, that's it, exactly. I don't want to give them any more ammunition than they already have.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:26

Yes, I know she has been taking drugs, drinking and smoking.

He has had sex with a 10 year old...

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 16:27

That's still a paedophile, Fab.

This one looks great- I can't see him hoofing up there either. Makes me wish I lived in an Enid Blyton story....which I appreciate you don't, in case that sounds flippant, sorry.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:27

That might be a goer katie. I mean she may love boarding school, she may not, it's a risk. Without the close parental supervision, she might just immediately fall in with a new bad crowd IYSWIM.

Do these schools offer full boarding as well? If she went weekly and loved it/was still getting in trouble at the weekends, you could change it to full boarding.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:28

Fab, she is supervised at all times outwith school hours, hence the reason she absconds from school. If it were any other 19 year old I would welcome them with open arms.

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ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:31

God he sounds absolutely grim. Horrible horrible situation for you, your poor daughter and those poor other girls.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 16:32

Jesus, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease just get her out of this situation. At 14 (only 9 years ago) I'd have loved boarding school. I had abit of a rough boyfriend and was in that same sort of position and was really just crying out for someone to take me away from it all, but you still want to see them etc. I cannot imagine how boarding school could end up a worse situation, but could be a really really great solution. It's definatly a far cry from even a remotely bad option - it's not as if you want to send her and only see her in the summer hols I really hope this all works out, I'd have been going down other routes by now.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:33

Great minds Bitof fun, that's our number one choice, about an hours drive from where we are.

Her coming home at weekends would be ideal as neither of us work weekends and can provide constant supervision. We have allowed her decent friends to come round for sleepovers during the weekends and she loves this. She has never absconded from home except once, about 4 months ago and I know she wouldn't (or rather couldn't) do that again.

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 16:33

I presume in this situation you cannot get a withstraining order, as he hasn't done anything 'wrong' ... ? Making my blood boil just reading this.

FabIsFallingApart · 20/03/2010 16:34

Unfortunately I know that BoF. I was wanting clarification with the age of the girls.

She isn't being supervised properly at school then, is she?

Kids should not be able to leave school alone.

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:36

ASLM, I think she would love it too. My only problem is will they take her? And how soon?

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 20/03/2010 16:37

If he has some kind of hold over her, then giving her the opportunity to get away would be a good thing.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:38

I think that school sounds great then, ticks all the boxes, have you talked to your DD about this plan? What does she make of it/is she keen?

One think about private school is they keep you bloody busy, and if she's been a "joiner in" in the past like you say she will get stuck in and absolutely love it. And if she's home for weekends it's the best of both worlds really - you sound close as a family and it will be nice to be able to have the time at weekends.

of course the private sector is not immune to sex drugs drinking etc. But you need to get her away from this bloke like NOW.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 16:38

Probably very soon as it's not free, unless full I guess. Ring round a few I guess, I wouldn't be suprised if a few would take her after Easter at the latest - that's a whole term of extra fees to them

Thediaryofanobody · 20/03/2010 16:38

What about home schooling if she only absconds from school? Even just for a few months to break the connection.
If it's possible to take a leave of absence from your Job then rent somewhere remotes do not allow her to take a mobile phone or have internet connection and also find her a therapist.

If you can afford boarding school fees then you can afford someone to care for your parents whilst your away and also for a housekeeper/nanny to care for your home and DS.

Or send her to boarding school abroad where her cant get to her, if you were to choose one in the UK she can easily tell him where she is and he will travel to her.

PinkPussyCat · 20/03/2010 16:39

Sorry you're having to go through this.

FWIW this is pretty much 'out in the sticks'

Really hope you find a solution to this - how stressful for all of you

ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:39

Ring them monday. Be decisive

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 16:40

Fab, according to the various rectors we have discussed this with (oh so many times) it is impossible for them to supervise her continuously at school. Basically if she wants to walk out, she can.

We have tried monitoring sheets, taking/collecting her from school later/earlier to avoid friends, inclusion unit, truancy officer, social work, active schools, guidance, counselling, ed. psych, safe space etc.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 20/03/2010 16:41

He sounds lazy though.

If she is not easy to access he might well just move on.