My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

He’s dangerous

and I think as it stands…. Completely unemployable

after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration.

his team did NOT lose because they didn’t listen to your son. That is what he told you.

As I say, dangerous. I wouldn’t want him as a colleague. Or indeed near me

How can I help him

All he can do is keep applying, as he's doing.

Was he prosecuted for punching the victim?

No luckil

He punched a team member?
Spent two years travelling? On whose money?

i don’t have an advice

but my concern would not be him not getting an apprenticeship. My concern would be that he sounds like he will almost certainly very seriously hurt someone unless something changes.

as for what, way way above my pay grade.

i really hope his girlfriend has moved on?

Unfortunately he has not learnt his lesson from punching a collegue. If hes getting worse he doesnt see anything wrong with his actions.

maybe he should volunteer instead for a bit, work around people build up some good references whilst he attends anger management.
hes not employable in this current state.

So he continues to be violent.

Is he violent in your home?

Who else do you live with?

His own he sold collectibles from when he was a kid he kept them in box

Just travelling to Bournemouth and back to see his GF

Why does he need to get an apprenticeship specifically? Why not just a normal job?

He's not getting more violent, he works hard in his current job and is very consistent with his work.

Because he said he's terrified of working a dead end job he wants to eventually build a skilled and be on decent money I think seeing his father and I struggle since he's been ill has messed him up

So you’re not saying he was violent once over a year ago?

A somewhat misleading Op then wouldn’t you say?

I would be “terrified” of my child working alongside your son

Any chance he could be using/abusing steroids as part of his working out, maybe roid rage playing a part in his behaviour

Tbh it's something that stuck out too me I didn't intend it that way

Poor lad. He’s made a huge mistake punching someone, obviously.

I remember how very tall autistic boys were treated in my own school and in my dd’s. They’re walking targets wherever they go. There’s no hiding when you’re hovering above everyone.

Then he’s got to adulthood and it’s still following him. He’s had a big breakup and then.been cheated on. He’s not having any luck any way he turns. Other people ruined his chance of a job. His dad is very ill. No wonder he’s depressed.

He’ll want to avoid certain jobs because he’ll know what type of people are going to thrive on making his life miserable. He needs something with smart people.

Can his father talk to him? About the stress and upset he’s causing

op, has he just been violence once?

Why did you say hes getting violent if it was a one off incident ? Its impossible to give advice if you cant give a full story correctly.

I'm certain he hasn't I was into the gym in my 20s he only takes creatine and protein powders, however he is neurotic with counting calories to a point he tracks 0 calorie drinks

Once I just think an explosive reaction like that is noteable

As someone who recruited apprentices before retiring, I would see many dozens of applications for any role (never mind one that pays well!). And being blunt, even setting aside the fact that I wouldn't know he punched someone after an interview, he has done "bugger all" with himself for most of four years - his application would be a series of things he didn't stick at followed by knowing the route to Bournemouth. Would you employ him?

He is in competition with people four years younger than him who will have a consistent record, many of whom can show a strong record of social engagement; and then with others a year older who have degrees. To rise to the top of the selection list he needs to show that he has something they don't - and something positive. He has a lot of reasons for why he hasn't done things, or done well - that simply isn't going to cut it.

Are there any local charities for autism that have employment advisors? Or possibly the disability advisor at the Job Centre if that isn't possible?

Could be worth a look at The King’s Trust: www.kingstrust.org.uk