My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

Right then, plumbing, IT, joinery, painting and decorating, ….all good career opportunities

100% it's just finding a provider, he doesn't even mind his current job just the isolation I thinks bothered him

OK...

Halton Men's Shed
Widnes WA8 6UE, UK
Halton Men's Shed is open to all men over the age of 18 who live within the Merseyside Region covering Liverpool, Warrington, St Helens, Wigan and Halton and those who live further afield and can attend. Our purpose is simple, to improve the health and well-being of men.
Contact: Neil Staunton E: [email protected]

Could he look up some courses that he might like? Such as an access to HE course. Or look at some level 3 BTECs in practical subjects. If you are happy sharing when you are people might be able to help with options. Courses start in September do could be the right time to look at them.

Just because A levels didn’t work out doesn’t mean all education won’t.

He needs to figure out why he wants to do an apprenticeship - just to earn more money isn’t enough when he is competing against someone who can say why they want that will set.

Btecs aren't free for him anymore and I doubt he can fund a multi thousand pound course working 2 days a week

What about this autism and work charity ? http://ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/
maybe contact them to see what options they have.

I have a LOT of sympathy for your DS. It's a tough time in his life. Being autistic, it's harder for him to see it won't last forever, and it isn't his fault. Life just can be hard at times. The key skill he needs to acquire right now, is how to cope when life is tough. This means he needs to learn how to practice self acceptance, self compassion and self care. Literally, he should be working through some online CBt stuff. I know a lot of autistic people think CBT is a waste of time but I have seen how much it helped DS, even though he didn't realise.

Try to reassure him, life is long, and he is hardworking and ambitious. So it won't always be this dead end. Could he maybe start dating agin? DS started dating and was upfront on OLD about his autism. He ended up having lots of dates with HFA girls and it was a really positive experience for him, which quite quickly resulted in a LTR. It could be good for him to date an autistic girl - like him, high functioning. But they just are more sympathetic with how he thinks and feels.

Get him to make a short list of maybe 5 things he'd like to achieve before the end of the year. Realistic things. Could be passing his driving test, starting OLD, applying for 20 jobs, completing a self-compassion course. I spent a lot of time helping my autistic son realise, at exactly the same age, that failure is part of success. that people who don't try and fail can never succeed. I showed him loads of evidence (like Simon Cowell moving back in with his parents, broke, aged 40, just before he became a big name in Britiish talent shows.) He needs to learn that resilience in the face of failure or rejection is the number one indicator of success in life long term.

To me he sounds hard working and ambitious but too hard on himself. Once he learns self compassion his anger at others will diminish too. Good luck to him.

I’m not sure the trades will work for someone who’s had issues with bullying OP. Sites are often filled with bonding through banter, rude nicknames, taking the piss out of each other… how would he handle that? What if they mocked him for his height?

That kind of environment works for those who are confident and can take extremely rouge and mean jokes on the chin. He can’t go punching his colleagues on an apprenticeship.

Apprenticehships also aren’t just for school leavers anymore. I did one with a Master’s degree. Unfortunately it sounds like he needs to do something so he stands out - more qualifications etc. Which, yes, at his age he may have to pay for. He should up his hours to full time as a waiter and save to do this if he wants to progress. Education is free for children. Not adults. I know that’s frustrating - trust me I’m having to pay to do either an A Level or access course to get into the university degree I want to retrain in and I’m 30 - but that’s how it is.

GCSEs and some part time work aren’t enough to get you a well paid career anymore. Otherwise why would everyone else be bothering to work their arses off? Everyone would be well paid!

Volunteering in a role where he can be outside and learn skills is probably his best best - many places have volunteer gardeners not just national trust but local places too, he could learn the skills needed to get paid work

What would you recommend he hates being sat still

Is he tall or short?

He's already asked for more hours but none are about tbh I think he's clueless on what he wants

Shorter

Yeah if he's sensitive about his height (I don't know if this is justified not knowing how tall he is) then a building site etc would kill him off, it'll be constant "lads banter"

It's his height and weight, he's fairly short but muscular at around 11.5 stone from his weight book

If he is 19+ he could take an Access course in whatever field interests him and work or volunteer alongside.

I've spoken to him he said he would give anything a go

I’d recommend he looks at something like working in a garden centre and doing some courses in gardening or asking local gardening businesses if they need labour etc for a bit. Get him some physical work that gives him new skills. Eventually he could start his own gardening business or something. Gardeners tend to be less laddish than sites.

If you are near a national park or AONB there may be outdoors based apprenticeships or entry level jobs related to countryside management or customer service, likewise Forestry Commission or wildlife/bird reserves

Sounds good he's applied for a few gardening jobs already

Sorry I’ve just seen he doesn’t like the outdoors. That scraps a lot of physical jobs.

He could download TaskRabbit and start doing small jobs on there - garden clearance etc. He might get a feel for which types he prefers and could add some to his CV

Where are you getting the idea that the person he punched deserved it??

How is his sleep pattern and internet use, is he gaming? Any possibility he’s becoming more angry as a result of a what he’s consuming online? Anger and that feeling that the world is against him could be fuelled by certain types of internet content

Has he considers the army? If he is ready for a change and commitment, the army would give him proper training and a career path.