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My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

436 replies

WiseHiker · 25/07/2025 15:52

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

OP posts:
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reflectiv · 23/08/2025 11:48

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 11:42

The OP’s very thread title would indicate the violence is alive and kicking

The OP has conceded that she has autistic traits. She clearly hasn't been as euphemistic as many other parents would be in the same circumstances and has laid herself wide open to abuse.

I think if her son were to join the armed forces then either the discipline would be the making of him or he'd be crushed by it. Could go either way.

DeadsoulsAngel · 23/08/2025 13:07

Just fyi, the armed forces in the UK won’t take anyone with an autism diagnosis, my autistic son (age 14 now) was interested due to family being Army/Navy and his dad growing up as an ‘Army brat’. DS checked several sources and all official channels say definitely no.

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 13:13

reflectiv · 23/08/2025 11:48

The OP has conceded that she has autistic traits. She clearly hasn't been as euphemistic as many other parents would be in the same circumstances and has laid herself wide open to abuse.

I think if her son were to join the armed forces then either the discipline would be the making of him or he'd be crushed by it. Could go either way.

“Lost interest” my ass!

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 13:13

DeadsoulsAngel · 23/08/2025 13:07

Just fyi, the armed forces in the UK won’t take anyone with an autism diagnosis, my autistic son (age 14 now) was interested due to family being Army/Navy and his dad growing up as an ‘Army brat’. DS checked several sources and all official channels say definitely no.

Wow I had no idea

DeadsoulsAngel · 23/08/2025 13:20

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 13:13

Wow I had no idea

Honestly, having talked at length about it with BIL (Navy) and FIL (army) I can see why.

as BIL said, he served with people he’s sure would now be diagnosed with autism or ADHD and unfortunately the problems were obvious. As he said, can you imagine someone having a meltdown onboard ship. Or someone sharing a bunk room and having literally a few feet to themselves while also having to put up with 5 other men in there? It’s a non-starter basically.

FIL commented that my son has issues with noise and people not doing things ‘right’ same as OP’s son. He’d either be 100% calm and work his backside off (Until plans changed or something went wrong - in his opinion) or he’d lose it the minute he was shot at or shouted at.

It’s not (in my opinion as an autistic person and a parent of two autistic kids) a bad decision. Sad yes, bad or wrong, no. The armed forces just aren’t suitable for everyone.

ByGreyWriter · 23/08/2025 14:09

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Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:03

DeadsoulsAngel · 23/08/2025 13:07

Just fyi, the armed forces in the UK won’t take anyone with an autism diagnosis, my autistic son (age 14 now) was interested due to family being Army/Navy and his dad growing up as an ‘Army brat’. DS checked several sources and all official channels say definitely no.

Incorrect

Yes, people with autism can now be recruited into the UK's armed forces, but the decision is made on a case-by-case basis, with individuals presumed fit if their diagnosis has not significantly impacted their academic, occupational, or social function.

TheLivelyViper · 23/08/2025 16:10

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It's highly unlikely someone with BPD, another personality disorder, bipolar etc would get into the armed forces. Unless they had serious remission for many years with no episodes. They'd likely not pass vetting if they had any experiences of SI, attempts, manic episodes, drug use, psychosis (either drug induced or not).

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:12

TheLivelyViper · 23/08/2025 16:10

It's highly unlikely someone with BPD, another personality disorder, bipolar etc would get into the armed forces. Unless they had serious remission for many years with no episodes. They'd likely not pass vetting if they had any experiences of SI, attempts, manic episodes, drug use, psychosis (either drug induced or not).

Here’s hoping!

Thefirstdelicious · 16/09/2025 18:22

Any improvement @WiseHiker ?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 16/09/2025 18:26

How is he, op

Havent read the full thread but I hope that the focus is getting help for his mental health

He is sick and doesnt need to be working now imo. He needs to work on his self esteem and height issues and learn how to deal with people

My heart goes out to him as I was bullied as a kid and it made me think that I was all wrong as a person xx

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