My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

I've spoken to friends but everyone says the same they are hard to come by. We are based in the UK he's also got a ncfe in gym Instructing

I don't know how to say this kindly, but I have a son who just turned 21. He's in university so a different path, but both jobs and apprenticeships are very, very hard these days.

DS applied for no less than 80 paid internships before landing one which may lead to a job. He's in finance, very well paid but incredibly competitive industry. He has spent the last 6 years- GCSEs, A levels, university- working all hours. Every minute building a CV. Very little time with friends and no time to date or travel or dp the stuff your son has been doing. Even with good grades everything needs hard work, a willing attitude and focus above all.

Your son needs to understand that good pay and good jobs don't come without years of hard work.

If he’s autistic speak to rethink/ remploy or search in your area for organisations that help people with disabilities into work .
its prob also worth getting him to engage in therapy otherwise the risk is a cycle of finding work and losing it due to anger x

Have a look at united utilities they do apprenticeships and are a very diverse company which may well suit what he’s looking for. I wish you both luck .

He could also look to get into this via whatever agency they use atm.

This post stands out and is really relevant.
OP if I'm honest your son sounds like he has an arrogance issue - the claim the team lost due to not listening to him, wanting an apprenticeship (these are highly competitive now!) despite having not really stuck at anything for years.
Really the level 2 PT qualification wasn't the best choice - level 2 is gcse level and he already has those, why didn't he aim higher and try and get a level 3 qualification?
At this point he needs to have a bit of humility and accept that his choices the past few years - (eg 2 years essentially bumming about visiting a girlfriend) have meant he's not a strong candidate and he needs to focus now on trying to add to his cv with stuff more in reach. Can he look at stuff like skills bootcamps as these are funded?

I don't really understand why you allowed him to spend 2 years 'visiting his girlfriend' - he could have visited her at weekends while attending college or a training provider in the week and doing something useful.

He did go to a local place to help you find work/education where he got a level 1 employability in a week they then only gave him random paper work from their where they told him it would get him a qual and it never did

By kicking the violent thug out of your house.

That would just have him homeless with no option he'd have no where

Volunteering? It will help his mental health and he can get some good references.

Wouldn't holding down a part time job be more impressive than volunteering

Is he open to services ? As they work collaboratively. If his issues are not only affecting his life but yours it may be time to reach out and say we’re not coping xx

Also his age he couldn't continue to a level 3 without paying as he was 19 for the 2nd year

He wants to be treated normally and is extremely high functioning

also If he violent and not paying his way I wouldn’t be funding driving lesson . They are a luxury not a necessity

He's 19? He's not above the age to return, however he won't be eligible for CMA but would possibly be eligible for the adult version, does he have an EHCP? They last until he's 25 if he has SEN.

He's been paying his own way from his part time job

20, 19 at the time no sen plan

I would imagine with his CV showing he hasn’t done much for himself in the last 4 years and now being 20 he needs to either get a regular job or go to college. I know someone who went back to college to do A-Levels when they were in their twenties.

One single violent outburst with someone who in all likelihood deserved it is a non-issue. At his age I had many fights in clubs etc. but went on to build a successful career for myself despite no A-Levels and Degree.

In an ideal world he should find and focus on something he enjoys, so A-Level Physical Education might be his thing?

Even if he finds that course boring he needs to stick to it and finish it to get somewhere in life - many employers have told me that having a degree meant to them primarily that it showed an applicant had the drive and tenacity to stick to something and finish it. In my case I had shown this very trait off my own back instead of having a degree.

You said you drove him to Warrington , so presume your near by . Contact these people :
https://www.disabilitypartnership.org.uk/services/employment.shtml

He needs hobbies and interests, instead of just working and working out.

I second the volunteering. At least that way he can learn something and be busy during the day when his friends are.

What about doing trade school? You said that he is not interested in desk work. If he gets a diploma for something technical and outdoors, that might work, but for many of these you need some training first.

I'm not sure how to deal with his mental health combined with his lack of skills

That would cost money and ever since his dad fell ill we and him can't afford it

He's 20 he should be enjoying life, I see people his age out and living their lives while he festers

Op not to be harsh but what support are you looking for ?
kindly , everyone is giving advice and you’ve an answer to say why that won’t work without trying it .
I understand you’re worried , but your constant excuses are enabling his behaviours. Xx