My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

I just came on to suggest steroids. A kid I went to college with got into training hard and bodybuilding. He developed a serious exercise addiction, some very disordered patterns around eating and an explosive temper.
Your son may need to climb down a peg and just take a job which may appear 'dead end' for now but which will, in the long run, build experience and skills -a stepping stone to greater things later on.

We have called the careers office they told him he's doing all he can learning to drive, holding down a part time job, they told him to do Allison courses as mainstream college would not work for him as he's above the age to return. He has been doing this, the prince's Trust have nothing in our area we live in widnes

I can’t see how applying for anything that’s not behind a desk and his clear temper issues are going to land him a job. Apprenticeships are insanely competitive- my son is currently battling through this and he has a driving license, interviews well and the level 2 qualification for the apprenticeship that he wants a level 3 in.

Are you confident that he’s not doing any drugs like steroids that make him so angry?

I think that applying for everything that’s not behind a desk when apprenticeships require anything from 1-3 years of commitment is going to be a disaster because the probability of him not finding it interesting will be high. He needs to narrow it down so that there’s a chance that he’ll stick it out- working as a barber is very different to being a bricklayer or a chef.

Also apprenticeships don’t pay well until you qualify and start on the ladder.

He's told me he doesn't care about the short term pay he wants a future where he's happy with good pay in the future but has no idea how to get their

So he had one violent incident
you got him anger management
and no more violent incidents

So… why is your op, to quote **getting violent”

Tbh I think he wants out of his current job working as a Waiter, he works hard in it and makes an extra £50 a night in tips roughly but I think the fact he never sees his friends messes him up

What does he actually want to do as a job/career?
There are other routes available.
You said he sold his collectables. Buying and selling things can lead to his own sales business.
He could start small (car boot sales/eBay/markets) and grow from there.
(Marks and Spencer started life as a market stall)
He also needs some help for his mental health so perhaps a visit to the GP is needed.

What about going back to college and learning a trade?
if he can do a level 2 course, some colleges have connections for level 3 and above to be done as an apprentice.

He did almost nothing for two years except see a girlfriend. He isn’t showing himself as very hardworking. Maybe for now he needs to forget the apprenticeship and look for full
time work then see what is on offer when he’s had that on his cv a while.
It’s too late really but he shouldn’t have given up education at 16 and bum about seeing a girl. You should’ve laid some boundaries then. For now I’d say full time work and see where he is with experience in twelve months

He's becoming sullen and lives in the gym plus that violent reaction

@WiseHiker What post-16 qualifications does he have? I'm assuming he has his Maths and English GCSEs and overall grade 6 and 7s are not bad. What sort of apprenticeships is he looking at l? Degree? Level 2 or Level 3. Also what field does he want to go into for an apprenticeship e.g construction, finance. He needs to unskill, whether that be work experience, online courses, better qualifications is honestly the best way depending on what field he wants to go into.

He seems to be struggling with self-esteem and disordered eating. Try and get him to go to the GP perhaps get more assistance for his mental health. It will be hard but better to prevent him getting worse, sometimes it's harder to spot in men because obviously exercise is good but can easily become toxic.

Christ why not just apply for any old job that's office hours then he can see his pals

Can he go to college and learn a skill? Plumbing / electrician / joiner? These are sought after.

He's on floroxitine for depression, and has 1 to 1s with a Councillor every few weeks, he has no idea what he wants to do he is willing to work up to it and on that I believe him. Despite it all he's a hard worker never missed a shift in work and in the gym too

Can he define what would make him happy and why the PT course wasn’t for him when he clearly still enjoys working out?
Has he asked anyone for work shadowing or talked to college about careers in different industries so that he reduces the likelihood of losing interest in a job or industry? One of the things that my son liked about college was teachers talking about what it’s like to work in the industry (or adjacent ones) and it started to make him really think about stuff that he hadn’t considered. At school, the careers people were better at talking about uni and A-levels which wasn’t really relevant for him.

He said he felt under pressure to be perfect this lead him to starve himself eating 3 meals no snacks and missing family events like his grandads 90th until he colapsed

He only started working out because of the bullying in school I think it became unhealthy after his first gf broke up with him

He might need more intensive therapy, is he only getting CBT? Sometimes people need to try other methods like DBT which can be good for emotional regulation and also the resilience to get through the job system. Do the antidepressants seem to be helping? I'd get him to ask for referral to specific eating disorder services.

Maybe going back to college doing a Level 2 or 3 is the best bet. He could do plumbing or construction, graphic design etc.

I think at this stage he isn't going to be getting an apprenticeship. He's clearly not well.
Would he seek MH treatment?

He needs to plead his case to the DWP that he's not well enough to work, or go job seeking daily. Or he won't have any money whatsoever.

If you fund his life he won't be feeling the pressure to either get benefits, a room, a job. It's good he's doing his driving but I think you need to step back a bit.

He has a part time job and he says most offie hours things require a car

He pays keep and for lessons

He initially got the cbt through the ed service

Not read the full thread but is he getting support for the eating disorder. This will be making him angry and violent. Anorexia is a serious illness

I feel for him.

The army?

He's flat footed and autistic, plus he would probably be bullied further given his track record