My son can't get an apprenticeship and is getting violent and moody

[WiseHiker]

My son is strugling to get an apprenticeship at 20 and his mental health is deteriorating

Firstly he is not a bad kid never touched drugs or drink. He was bullied alot in school as he is autistic and he claims because of his hight however despite this he got ok gcses (6s and 7s)

And tried alevels however dropped out because of further bullying and because he found the course uninteresting. He then spent around 2 years travelling to see his then girlfriend from Bournemouth

At 18 they broke up and he did a pt qualification at level 2, did boxing and got a part time job at a pub after alot of difficulty. However he quickly spiraled into an eating disorder and decided he can't continue down the gym Instructing route.

Since turning 19 he's been looking to get an apprenticeship in "anything not behind a desk that pays well" however has had no joy with the exception of an assessment centre .after being told he didn't get the job because his team lost after no one listened to him. he punched one of the people in his team outside the event out of frustration. I have since gotten him anger management and told him this is not acceptable.

He is now 20 still looking for one, he has started driving lessons to aid in this however he has become even more moody and withdrawn. He barely sees his friends as they are all working 9 to 5 and he works evenings and weekends. Compounding this I believe could be that his dad is terminally ill with hypertension of the heart.
Furthermore earlier this year he started seeing a new girl who within 3 month slept with one of his mates. Currently all he does is apply for jobs and work out for an unhealthy amount of time . I'm not sure how to help him.

It sounds like he needs to continue working in what he's doing at the moment OP, to save up for a training course of some sort.
He may have to accept that a good job with a good potential career track isn't going to be easy/quick to get, he needs to play the long game now and see it as maybe a 5yr plan to work, save and pay for some level 3 qualifications that will give him more choices.

Everyone wants am apprenticeship these days, they are the free/paid route to a good qualification and job so as a result they are extremely competitive and he'll likely be competing against people who've might different choices to him with much stronger cv's as well as interpersonal skills.
If he can build up a bit of employment history by staying in the same job for at least 2-3 years that's going to make him look much more employable.

I'd suggest he looks at lifeguarding and works in a leisure centre or holiday park. This ties in with his enjoyment of health and fitness

I think this is probably right, though I don't know much about apprenticeships.
I think he needs to stick to one thing and save up.

He's applied for warehouse jobs and has been working as a Waiter for 3 years

Hospitality apprenticeship? It’s a big industry and if he enjoys it can work up to managing? X

What about plumbing, bricklaying- go back to college and try to get a trade apprenticeship?

That's what I've told him to do once he's driving

Do you drive him around a lot or does he get public transport?

I drive him, good with trains awful with buses

Are Allison courses worth bothering with?

He needs to get any full time job and get himself about use the bus

⬆️ This is a practical and helpful post you might have missed, OP.

Make a To Do list from this thread. It's easy to miss useful suggestions. Then work through them with him.

I’m not clear what you mean about future wages. If he does an apprenticeship he wont get great money whilst training but depending what he chooses it could lead to excellent money. Is he being unrealistic re wage expectations and/or pulling the wool over your eyes?

He has good reason to be depressed at the moment. I think to answer your question you can help him by letting him have these feelings and empathise with him but give him hope and encouragement.

If I’ve followed this right he’s working part time as a waiter but actively looking for something full time. Thinking about careers with progression. Plus learning to drive. That sounds okay to me!

⬆️ Again, don't dismiss this just because you don't know anyone who can help. Labouring work in daylight hours would get him out and active with a purpose, and also let him meet his friends in the evening.

He says he wants to do a worth while one he doesn't care about starting wage he cares about the skills he gets

Get him to go to college for something, computing ? Desk job might calm him ? Or Personal trainer job just with proper food training so nutrition course along with it ( can do them online )

@WiseHiker what skills does he want to learn?

His childhood friends dad said he might be able to get him something once driving which he's banking on but I'm sceptical

Everyone says "he should go to college" - he's aged out of Post 16 education now.
He'd have to pay and some colleges don't take over 19s.

They are all online, so he could learn some coding skills or similar, but it would be from his bedroom. They are not accredited like level 2 courses.

How about Network Scouts as a first start to prove a track record? Did he do DofE? If so, he can continue his achieve his gold. Any Andy’s Men Sheds near you? It sounds like he needs a both a peer group and a mentor. All 3 of these organisations could help with that.

You are underestimating the effects of over exercise and starvation on the brain. The poor lad will get angry and lash out.

He’s got a diagnosed eating disorder. A nutrition course isn’t going to cut it. If training/working as a PT is a trigger for his ED, then that is out for now.

He never did his dofe due to a not liking the outdoors, done a few Alison courses and the sheds group sounds helpful might need a role model as his dad was always working shifts or ill