Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

MadeleineMummy · 2023-10-29T09:12:51+00:00

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group. I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject. I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group. what should I do?

RSintes · 29/10/2023 09:30

Perhaps email the Head with screenshots rather than speak to the teacher directly. They will then be able to take whatever action they consider appropriate.

SnowyPetals · 29/10/2023 09:34

That's completely inappropriate in a class WhatsApp group, and you are right to call them out. I would email the head, leaving off the screenshots for now, but just saying you are concerned about the way in which some parents are discussing this teacher in public.

peppermintcrisp · 29/10/2023 09:35

We had problems like this in our group. I left the group. There were a couple of school governors in the group who said nothing but I hope they reported it.

Please report it. I should have. It seems to be quite common.

NunsKnickers · 29/10/2023 09:38

I echo telling the headteacher. Don't show tbe screenshot directly to the teacher. If this happened to me I would be devastated and in floods of tears (probably an overreaction but I'm very emotional! )

At a school I know parents were bitching on Facebook and the headteacher found out. The parents involved were spoken to and a letter sent out to all parents asking for any concerns to be taken up directly with the school rather than on social media.

I'm not a teacher anymore, partly due to the ridiculous, unmanageable work load and partly because of vicious parents like these.

EarthlyNightshade · 29/10/2023 09:44

Well done for saying something in the group. A similar thing happened in a group I was in, small number of vocal parents, everyone else horrified and someone told the school.
I always tell my kids not to say something in a whatsapp group about someone that they would not be prepared to say to their face. I think these parents need to be told this as well.
I agree with go to headteacher rather than teacher. They are probably more used to this sort of thing than you would hope.

abscinth · 29/10/2023 13:47

@MadeleineMummy well done for speaking up. Did any other parents give your post a thumbs up, or similar?

Our school has a whatsapp group for every yeargroup, and so far they have all had enough "positive" parents to keep this sort of thing at bay. But there's an art to it - I find it's best to say something like you did in your post here: "My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject," rather than directly criticising. Other positive parents can then either emulate your comments or "thumbs up" your post to express their support, without it turning into a bun fight.

Original poster

MadeleineMummy · 29/10/2023 14:37

abscinth · 29/10/2023 13:47

@MadeleineMummy well done for speaking up. Did any other parents give your post a thumbs up, or similar?

Our school has a whatsapp group for every yeargroup, and so far they have all had enough "positive" parents to keep this sort of thing at bay. But there's an art to it - I find it's best to say something like you did in your post here: "My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject," rather than directly criticising. Other positive parents can then either emulate your comments or "thumbs up" your post to express their support, without it turning into a bun fight.

Unfortunately, it has turned into a bun fight with several people supporting the comments and stating that the WhatsApp group is the most appropriate place to criticise people who are responsible for our children’s education and they need to be held accountable for their actions.

Someone named and shamed me and stated that I was creating a bad feeling in the group and strongly suggested I should leave it if I did not like what was being said. Lots of other Mums have agreed with this woman and said I was vile myself for trying to destroy the school community of parents.

i don’t know whether I read the room, wrongly but I think personal comments about teachers are not appropriate but no one has stepped up to agree with me. Silence seems to mean assent with the views of this group.

OP posts:

AgingDisgracefullyHere · 29/10/2023 14:42

Don't share it with her. Unless someone is plotting to kill me, I don't want to know what they're saying about me.

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 14:50

RSintes · 29/10/2023 09:30

Perhaps email the Head with screenshots rather than speak to the teacher directly. They will then be able to take whatever action they consider appropriate.

This

HollyGolightly4 · 29/10/2023 14:54

Please don't share with her. I'd be devastated if I were her. I think you acted completely appropriately and should email the head!

Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 14:57

I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2023 14:58

RSintes · 29/10/2023 09:30

Perhaps email the Head with screenshots rather than speak to the teacher directly. They will then be able to take whatever action they consider appropriate.

Yes. Do this. The Headteacher should know and can decide what to do.

Catsfrontbum · 29/10/2023 15:00

Leave it. Draw a line under it and say nothing

Aylestone · 29/10/2023 15:04

Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 14:57

I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group

Miss!! Abby’s mum said she thought you were an idiot on the WhatsApp group and the other mums agreed with her! 🤣🤣🤣 why the fuck would you ‘snitch’ on your kids mates mums 😂

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 29/10/2023 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2023 15:07

Aylestone · 29/10/2023 15:04

Miss!! Abby’s mum said she thought you were an idiot on the WhatsApp group and the other mums agreed with her! 🤣🤣🤣 why the fuck would you ‘snitch’ on your kids mates mums 😂

Show quote history

Do you tell your children not to 'snitch' on other children if they hurt them? Bully them? Talk about them saying horrible things behind their back?

The Head teacher has a duty of care to her staff and should know about this. She may or may not decide to act on it.

Lndnmummy · 29/10/2023 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

100% this. It is unacceptable. A dreadful example to be setting the children too.

Aylestone · 29/10/2023 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yeh because that’s totally the same thing🙄 My 15yo dd has just done work experience in a primary school, and what was said in that staff room about some of the kids and the parents was far worse 😂

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/10/2023 15:12

Honestly I wouldn’t have got involved- I wouldn’t make it worse either by speaking to the head. “this parent hates the teacher” achieves what?! In future I would keep quiet or simply say “we like teacher, no issues with her”

momonpurpose · 29/10/2023 15:12

Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 14:57

I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group

I agree. If you plan to keep your DC at the school after you turn them in I would imagine it will get very ugly

Kittenkitty · 29/10/2023 15:12

I think you were morally correct to call them out. Truthfully I wouldn’t have been brave enough though. I’d worry it would impact on my child and people would exclude them.

MrsSchrute · 29/10/2023 15:13

MadeleineMummy · 29/10/2023 14:37

Unfortunately, it has turned into a bun fight with several people supporting the comments and stating that the WhatsApp group is the most appropriate place to criticise people who are responsible for our children’s education and they need to be held accountable for their actions.

Someone named and shamed me and stated that I was creating a bad feeling in the group and strongly suggested I should leave it if I did not like what was being said. Lots of other Mums have agreed with this woman and said I was vile myself for trying to destroy the school community of parents.

i don’t know whether I read the room, wrongly but I think personal comments about teachers are not appropriate but no one has stepped up to agree with me. Silence seems to mean assent with the views of this group.

Show quote history

I would point out that bitching about someone in a WhatsApp group isn't holding anyone to account, and that if they actually want to make a change, as opposed to just moaning, then they need to email the school.
It is a total waste of time to talk about someone, but not too them. Won't change anything.
Also, I would absolutely report it to the school.

TookTheBook · 29/10/2023 15:14

The school will say the parents' WhatsApp group is unofficial and nothing to do with them. You need to manage this yourself as an adult - either by backing down and letting it blow over, or leave the group

Soontobe60 · 29/10/2023 15:15

Don’t share with the teacher, share with the Head asap. As a teacher if I knew parents were attacking me online I’d be furious!

Soontobe60 · 29/10/2023 15:17

Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 14:57

I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group

You sound like one of the vile bullies on the WhatsApp group.