Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

[MadeleineMummy]

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.

I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject.

I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group.

what should I do?

There is no such thing as a ‘private’ messaging group. Once you have posted your thoughts you have no way of controlling who sees them or what they do with the information. Remember the Exeter University boys who found their misogynistic conversation plastered all over mainstream media, and as a result lost their university places? Or Dominic Cummings’ COVID WhatsApp warblings posted all over Twitter and read out at a televised Select Committee? Or any number of people who have had their private intimate photos or video shared with all and sundry. You shouldn’t EVER post anything in a private chat that you wouldn’t mind the world knowing. There will almost certainly be someone on the group who is a friend/family member/goes to the same church/plays netball together/their kids hang out/is a neighbour/worked at a previous school together so it will likely not take long for the teacher to find out.

This kind of behaviour is insidious. It reduces trust in the teacher, questions their credibility, undermines their authority, and ultimately damages that teacher’s engagement, desire, and willingness to do their absolute best for your child. It changes the culture of the classroom - instead of everyone working to gather for the benefit of the kids, the teacher ends up having to battle the mob while at the same time knowing he is teaching the offspring of people who don’t place any value in what he is doing.

OP, I have been in a similar group. Someone started one of these conversations, clearly looking for a pile on. I very quickly posted something along the lines of, ‘If you’re concerned about XXX the best way to get a resolution is to drop him an email directly. He’s usually pretty quick at responding’. That knocked the whole thing on its head.

For all you bullies out there, and perpetrators of general abhorrent behaviour in the adult population, it’s not “snitching”, it’s whistleblowing. An established practice necessary for the lawful and effective functioning of any work environment.

Oh Op I’m so embarrassed for you even contemplating telling the teacher. Get a grip. Adults can say what they like in a WhatsApp group rightly or wrongly. You’ll make yourself and your children a target and I agree if you don’t like it then leave the group

They can't say what they like, you know. WhatsApp groups are just as subject to the laws on data protection and libel as anything else. Anyone who thinks they are immune for what they say in a WhatsApp group is incredibly naive.

Nothing will happen though. WhatsApp is encrypted it isn’t like Facebook.

I don’t think people have any idea what the general behaviour/ level of bullying secondaries is like. Quite simply the kids and parents need to get through.

just to add that the class whats app groups are set up by the class reps on behalf of the RSA. They are for key information sharing. There is guidance on what should be shared. So those saying it is private clearly dont understand its purpose. Parents who are friends who have set up a separate group can say what they want.

Just to confirm what I added above this is one schools guidance-

WhatsApp Groups (st-josephs.islington.sch.uk)

I’d message the head

i’d also try and setup another what’s app specifically to deal with practical matters only, with parents who aren’t outwardly bitchy

school what’sapps groups def have the potential for teacher bashing but ours hasn’t been nearly as nasty as yours (yet)

Ours definitely were not. We don’t have class reps nor does any other school I know.

Why on earth are you embarrassed for someone you don’t even know? Don't be ridiculous.

I wouldn’t tell the teacher but came on here to say no wonder the country is in the mess it is. Teachers used to be afforded respect, now kids are being told to ignore them and parents are joining force to belittle and slander them.

I’d mute the group, leave it a month or two then mention to head of year group. I wouldn’t immediately inform school in fear of retribution on my child. They sound horrible people, unfit parents whose kids probably cause problems in school through their entitlement

There was nothing stopping the first parent speaking to the teacher and clarifying the issue with homework.

I bet she was a bully when she was at school.
Telling he child to ignore the teacher isn't going to help the children further down the line.

Maybe there is an issue with this teacher? It seems like there are enough people saying it & just because you might not agree, it might be the case.
Personally I would either ignore the messages & just use the group for what you say is useful to you, or I would steer them to properly & officially go down the right channels to address this teacher.
I wouldn't be dobbing them in!

OP, you are not wrong.

Over the years I have definitely heard vocal complaints about shouty, unkind, harsh teachers from parents.

I have NEVER heard a single reference to their person or personal life.

These parents sound absolutely disgusting low lives.

It would be very tempting to give the HT the heads up.

I wouldn't engage further but I would be taking screen shots.

I would screenshot and send to the Head rather than the class teacher. It is likely in the Home School Contract or similar that any grievances should be brought to the school and not aired via social media/whats app. Those parents are just enjoying a witch hunt... as if a whats app group is the best place for dealing with school issues. School will (should) take a dim view and deal accordingly. I wouldn't want to be associated with that group, they are horrible people and I'd have nothing to do with them.

Perhaps email the Head with screenshots rather than speak to the teacher directly. They will then be able to take whatever action they consider appropriate.
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Then if there is you address it with the teacher and the school. Going on a WhatsApp group, criticising her appearance and suggesting that she needs a good shag isn’t going to make little Johnny any better at algebra.

Some children enjoy the subject and think the teacher is fine. Others find her to be strict and mean… probably because they need to be frequently told off. Probably because they were dragged up by nasty parents that invest way too much time into saying salty things on SM than into their kid’s education. You can’t change this. This type of attitude is systemic and the teachers know it. I’d leave the group and focus on my own child’s continued good relationship with the school / all teachers than worry about their nastiness.

That’s not to say that I think they should “get away with it”. I think they are behaving disgracefully but, it’s not a battle I’d want to dirty my hands with.

No wonder some kids have behaviour problems when there's parents saying "Your teacher's an idiot, ignore them"

Someone did report a Facebook group to the Head when my kids were at primary school for saying a teacher was a little Hitler. Someone got called into the school and the Head had a printout of what was said. The person who reported it didn't say anything to the group though, so people didn't know who they were.

The law? The LAW? 😂. Are you always so literal? I doubt any court would be interested in someone calling someone else frumpy ffs.

I would say nothing. If you do they will know it was you. That may affect your daughter.

it’s got fuck all to do with the school.

Total trash! On this site some parents get up on their hind legs if teachers are known to have had a drink, been to a club, they expect the school to police the parking, to intervene where dopey parents have allowed their child unfettered access to the internet, yet posters like this are supportive of a teacher being abused by a coven of mothers because they don't like their little precious being subject to discipline. The buzzword 'safeguarding' should also apply to the school's care of its staff.

Another condoning bullying of the teacher.