Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

[MadeleineMummy]

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.

I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject.

I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group.

what should I do?

It’s called having a duty of care. You’re right, Heads have plenty to do dealing with children, such a shame a bunch of shitty parents think acting like 13 year olds on social media is in any way acceptable,

Screenshot it as it is bullying. If they want teachers to be accountable then they follow the correct channels and complain in school following the complaints procedure. Bullying like this online can have a serious impact on staff and won't be tolerated. Call it out for what it is. Say sorry but if you want to complain then do so correctly but I do not tolerate bullying of anyone including teachers.

The school will sanction them - banned from nativities, awards assemblies etc they will hit them where it hurts.

No you shouldn’t escalate it to the group but should tell these horrible women you’re taking them off the group and they are free to carry out their vitriol elsewhere

Do not tell school or get them involved. As teachers, we all know these toxic groups exist, but the head can't do anything and the teacher does not need to find this out. If the parents had a real problem they would speak to the teacher themselves but they won't. Just like kids, it's easy to say things in a group egged on by others. Just keep speaking out if you feel an issue.

What do you bet that these same parents will be the ones complaining later that their child is being bullied because other kids in their class are criticising him/her and making personal comments on WhatsApp?

I meant not to escalate to the school

The thing is, how is it bullying if it's kept private from the teacher?

The only angle the Head could take, imo, is that the behaviour is detrimental to the kids' progress.

Most decent people would be mortified to be found out and the sheer embarrassment of being called in by the head to discuss would be the end of it.

Well done for speaking up and not being a bystander. Leave the group. You're best off not knowing what is said about you or others, esp as children's friends change and fluctuate.

We have no WhatsApp group for my daughter's yr 5 class, it's great. And I still find out whatever I need to know (but without 30 "is it pe day?" Whatsapp messages on a Monday by 7am).

That sounds appaling. My kids were young in the days before WhatsApp was a thing, but i hear people talking about teachers committing mild misdemeanours and how 'the whole class' agree that its terrible.
Even before social media there were cases of parents bullying teachers out of their jobs, so I think it needs nipping in the bud.

Agree you should mention it to the HT. The head in my kids secondary school was extremely hot on things not being discussed on the various facebook groups.

Honestly - most people would really not be mortified by meeting a head teacher, once they become actual adults. If they were capable of embarrassment then they would not post their vile frothings on a public Whatsapp in the first place, would they?

What I am seeing in this thread and again and again in similar threads, is this ''report it to Sir/figure of supposed authority' response.

In the actual Real World, the only thing that would make a difference is for that vile person's peers to call it out. There is a whole classload of parents saying nothing. If you sit silently tolerating it, then you are as much of the problem as the vile person herself.

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing."

This would be my take. I would inform the Head and let them deal with it. Whether she is a good teacher or not, these parents sound like they need a lesson in how to act like a human being (and a parent).

So if a child in your class was saying nasty stuff about another child to their group of friends, but never actually said anything to the child directly, you wouldn't count it as bullying?

Of course you would.

It's bullying pure and simple. Parents on the group are criticising this woman in a very personal and offensive way, and enticing others to participate. The Headteacher has a duty of care to their employees and as this is workplace related bullying - the teacher is being bullied by parents because of her role as a teacher - the Headteacher must act.

As I said above, the parents will also be in breach of the schools' school-home agreement by behaving in this way. It totally undermines the teacher at home and leads to huge problems in school when parents think they can bully teachers and say what they like about them. What is initially said on a WhatsApp thread can very easily become in-person abuse on school grounds, and no teacher should be subject to abuse at work.

This is one of the reasons why teachers are leaving the profession in high numbers. The behaviour of children has decreased because they're being brought up by bullying wankers like this mother. Report to the headteacher and ask them to deal with the situation.

SadIy, I really don't believe the OP is dealing with reasonable people in this scenario. Quite the reverse actually. It's unlikely they would feel shame or embarrassment at their actions, much more likely to don their cloak of victimhood and bleat forever more about how 'they woz treated by that bitch HM .... for doing nuffing wrong .... just defending their child's right to top marks' etc. etc.

What do you think you'll achieve by showing the teacher, apart from upsetting her?

Your example is clearly different because the kids are peers so that would inevitably affect their interactions with the child. They'd be excluding the child from their play, etc. There's an expectation of social interaction, thar isn't being met.

As long as those parents aren't, say, verbally abusing the teacher at parents' evening, then no, it's not bullying. There's no expectation of any social interaction between a teacher and a parent.

Surely this is obvious. I say this both as a teacher and a parent.

You could also innocently suggest to the dickheads that they homeschool their own kids. Let's see how long that lasts, the bloody idiots. Parents like these are the reason why society is breaking down & prisons are full. They're not modelling good behaviour and their kids become feral later on.

I don't disagree with your point about the need for peers to call others out.

However, I entirely disagree with your comments about the embarrassment of being called to see the Head.

I would be mortified if I was confronted with shit I had said online and asked to justify myself. It's very easy to say a whole lot of nasty and unpleasant bile when you think you'll never be pulled up on it.

Headteachers do have the right and power to ban parents from school premises and from contacting their staff by email or telephone. Suggesting the Headteacher 'can't do anything' about this kind of thing is nonsense. In my last school a parent was banned from contacting any of us, from coming to parents' evenings, and from coming within a 500m radius of the school grounds. Their child was mortified. That was, I think, the real punishment for the parent - the fact that their child lost all respect for them.

Kids not getting good marks and parents looking for someone to blame.
Nothing new.
I would talk to the teacher though, so they know what’s being said about them.

@Mummy08m so saying vile things about someone who teaches your child and encouraging other parents to join in isn't bullying as long as the victim never hears about it? You genuinely think that's true?

Wow.

I'd screenshot all the abuse, and all the comments to you (for my own use if ever i needed to talk about it at another time) and email them to myself.

Then I'd just leave the group with no further comment. And watch and wait.

Msg the admin and ask them to delete it. You responded properly. It’s massively inappropriate but not a school issue. They have just outed themselves as the nasty mums.

I didn't say it was good. I said it was bad for the kids. Read my comments upthread.

But it's not specifically bullying, no.

The definition of bullying includes how you make that person feel. If the teacher is never aware, they're not being bullied. They're being undermined, not bullied.

In your example, the kid would be affected (and therefore made aware) because they'd be excluded from play, etc.

I would share your concerns with the head teacher and let them deal with it. Those type of comments are not constructive, and are just plain spiteful.