Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

[MadeleineMummy]

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.

I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject.

I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group.

what should I do?

So you say I should tolerate someone impugning the professionalism, character and commenting on the sex life of a member of the school organisation. Someone who is trying to educate children and instill discipline? Why should teachers have to tolerate people on social media commenting on their personal life?

What values do you have?

So you think it is OK for your clients to state that you smell of piss on social media when you are trying to conduct your business?

When has this been ever acceptable to bully and put down someone behind their back when they are trying to educate your child?

Grow up!

I think its entirely appropriate to point out that personal remarks on the teacher's appearance etc have nothing to do with how well she does her job. Also, year WhatsApp groups are supposed to be a way to share information (the people who want a personal bitching session should set up another group)

Leave the group. They seem awful.
Parents have managed for decades without WhatsApp groups. People can be so unpleasant.
You did the right thing.

Jeeze what a bunch of scumbag parents in your school OP if that’s the level they stoop to. Poor teacher but you pointing it out to authorities does nothing positive. You don’t have to engage in the vile comments.

But the headteacher has nothing to do with a parents WhatsApp group - I assume that group was set up by a parent, not the school!

Our Head would contact every parent on that group via a group email and first if all direct them to the schools complaints policy then invite any of them to move their children to another school.
She would absolutely have the backs of all the staff.

If they really think the WhatsApp group is a more appropriate place to criticise the teacher than taking any concerns to the school they’re obviously a bit thick.

I would report to the Head, including screenshots and also leave the group.

honestly I managed my DD’s entire education without there been such a group (before WhatsApp was invented). They’re not necessary, I’m assuming it’s an unofficial group? The school must communicate stuff in other methods?

Absolutely share with the Head - with screenshots. I would also include the parents' names.

These parents should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and they need to be spoken to by the Head.

Most schools have a school-home agreement that outlines the responsibility of parents towards the school, and in all of the ones I've seen, this explicitly states being respectful to all school staff and to raise any issues with the school directly with the school management.

These parents are therefore in contravention of the agreement they will have signed (and probably not read) at the beginning of the school year.

Teachers (I am one) can't teach effectively with parents undermining and criticising them at home.

Most parents have no fucking clue how hard it is to manage the behaviour of a class of 30 teenagers while also having to teach them something. They seem to think that their child being told off for talking or mucking around is being 'strict' or 'harsh' when actually this kind of behaviour is exactly what makes it very hard to teach effectively. Of course, when their child gets shit grades because they spent all lesson talking, or because we've spent all our time managing the behaviour of children like theirs rather than actually teaching, then we'll also get complained about for not teaching their kids properly. We can't win.

Headteachers need to support their staff against parental nonsense and this is a perfect case in point.

You two come across as the type of person who would do exactly what OP is complaining about. I would also guess you are the first to moan when something unkind is said about your child. In short, you come across as nasty. You might not be but that’s how you portray yourselves.

It's no wonder discipline in schools is so poor with parents like this.

And yes I think the head will act. I know the head at DD’s school came down like a tonne of bricks regarding some fb messages on a private fb chat. A letter was sent out to all parents saying such remarks would not be tolerated. I’m not sure what authority the head has (probably none) but she certainly bollocked all involved.

Why on earth would you create that level of extra work for the headteacher though? Just leave the group or let it drift by, or indeed share that link to the school's policies yourself as a well-meaning parent.

Headteachers have more than enough to manage with the actual school children without having to police adults' behaviour outside school as well.

@TookTheBook

Any Head worth their salt would want to stamp down on parents verbally abusing a member of their staff on a social media group.

Think about it- if parents think it's ok to say this about staff at the school on a WhatsApp group, what are they saying to their children about their teachers? A Headteacher can't just let that go and say 'not my problem'. Poor parental engagement with school and a lack of trust and respect for school staff at home leads to much bigger problems in school when children believe they don't need to listen to the teacher because their mum says she's just a dirty old slag anyway.

Exactly. No wonder there are children behaving so badly in school if they are encouraged like this.

I had this in a class whatsapp a couple of years ago and it got really nasty towards the teacher.
I told the head teacher in the end because some of the messages were absolutely disgusting.
The main parent involved ended up being banned from the school grounds and the head sent a really strongly worded letter to the parents to say that legal action maybe taken against them if it continued.

The teacher involved was absolutely lovely and she ended up leaving the school which was a massive shame.

This is why I personally have a policy of never, ever joining parent WhatsApp groups. People are awful. Leave OP, and enjoy your peace.

How would you put a stop to it exactly? What would or could you actually do about parents messaging such things on Whatsapp?

This is mature.

In my experience the head will find out soon - that’s if they don’t know already.

They’ll be someone out of the group who’ll let them know. Especially if you have a parent in the PTA or a TA who works at the school who has a child in your class.
Our head knows. She knows everything.

How utterly vile can these WhatsApp groups be. 😡

That’s awful.

And I thought our parents were vile.

I'd leave the group.

I agree with this - you will make her feel awful and it won't improve anything

Please tell the head and show the screenshots.
This needs to be nipped in the bud.
I have known schools to ban parents from the school grounds, including refusing them entry to nativities, end of y6 assemblies etc if parents didn't behave themselves.
Also a time when a parent was not allowed to attend a parents evening so the teacher wrote some notes for them instead, as the parent couldn't be trusted not to shout at the teacher.
Which is all absolutely right imo.
Parents need to be respectful.

I'm a teacher - I agree with you op that these parents are awful and doing their kids no favours by undermining the teacher (telling their child that their teacher is an idiot etc). This will have a real effect on their kid's attitude and progress in that teacher's class.

However, I really don't think it would achieve anything by telling either that teacher or the headteacher. What can they do? You'd really upset the class teacher if you told her, and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. The Head wouldn't be able to do anything either. Worse, a bad Head (and believe me, they exist) would blame the teacher and expect her to change somehow to prevent this recurring.