Private School Kids

[LouisePe]

My son is currently 2 and we are looking into independent schools/nurseries for him. We are definitely not wealthy, more a middle class background and several friends/family have expressed that he would grow up 'out of touch with reality' going to school with wealthy pupils in private schools.

I am wanting him to attend from 4-18 (potentially the same school the whole way through) so am looking for similar experiences- how do you keep your children grounded when surrounded by pupils who are wealthy? Out of school clubs/sports etc? I want to give him this education but also want to raise a well rounded child who understands his privilege and that others aren't always as fortunate.
I'm also unsure about one school the entire way through - has anyone had experiences with this and DC coping ok with not having new friends/transitions from primary to secondary etc?

Sorry for the long post and appreciate any responses! :)

If you send him to one of the more drug-addled private schools, he will meet ordinary people as dealers.

He will meet those on many street corners. Plus in many schools of all types. Most drug dealers didn’t go to private school. Mostly they need the east money as they don’t have any!!

My DS did KS1 in the local village school and made friends there (and preschool) went to Beavers and Cubs in the village and played football for village team from aged 5 to 18.

He therefore had established friendships prior to going to private school aged 7 to 18 (changing private schools at age 13). He actually sees the friends from outside school more than he see those from his age 7-13 school.

His age 13-18 super selective school has a high number of bursary students but you genuinely cannot tell which are fee payers and which are not

At a boarding school I usually knew. Plus parents said so.

At our local private schools there are a range of families who send their kids. Most are from families that earn below 200k. Some do pay fees out of income - but most pay from savings / inheritances which is why they can afford it. So don’t worry about it.

All this will change with high mortgage rates and Labour adding vat to fees. They have said they will. If they go for 20%, lots will be struggling. If they go for a lower rate, not such a huge issue but it’s now hard to judge who can afford what. Anyone just about managing fees or with a fixed inheritance could well struggle.

It won’t be the full 20% because schools will be able to claim VAT too. DC’s school prepared for this by increasing class sizes slightly. They already confirmed that if Labour did apply VAT - their fees would go up by 5-10% initially and then remain at that level for 5 years. I could live with that so I can protect my SEN kids from the mess that is State education in this country.

Also, mortgage rates have increased by huge amounts for everyone but they affect wealthy people a bit less as banks usually give them more options. Eg our bank was calling everyone with ‘large mortgages’ 6 mths prior to their renewal dates to offer to fix (we fixed at 3.93 - as we will repay a chunk our monthly ‘increase’ only worked out to be £100/mth) or move to interest only. My bank was even allowing us to offset with a sister company based on our investments which could have reduced our monthly repayments to 0 but then we would have been tied to them which I didn’t want).

I think you will find the “just about affording it” are hit. Those using fairly fixed inheritance money definitely. Also, as DH was self employed and DD is, Vat is charged per transaction. They never had scope to charge a proportion of the vat by offsetting it. Obviously you can reduce fees to offset it but how many schools can afford to do that? Few I imagine. Also so many people on mn admit to scraping fees together and their school is full or ordinary parents. With few rises because of pay increases, heating costs, food costs and inflation at 10%, I guarantee fees will continue to rise. Add vat to that increase and it will not be 5-10% in the future.

@Wenfy "At our local private schools there are a range of families who send their kids. Most are from families that earn below 200k."
So good to see true diversity in private schools. You can't be what you can't see, huh?

I live in a wealthy area with little income diversity. Even the State school kids come from rich families. The difference between the people who send to private and who don’t - is how much they value academics over other stuff. People in my area who see education only in terms of GCSE / A Level / Uni results and final career tend to stick to State and pay for tutition. Those of us who want a whole child approach do need to go to private.

@Wenfy I suspect there are poorer people in your area. They are the ones you step over on your way to the opera, to quote a famous philosopher of our times.

Where is this place where everyone is wealthy and only those enlightened folk who value the “whole child” send their kids to private school?

I find it very hard to believe there are no less well off people at all where you live.

Wenfy why do “wealthy” folk such as yourself have a large mortgage and may need to switch to interest only mortgage?

@GodessOfThunder I think people, for example, in South Bucks, use preps for 11 plus cramming. They then use the state grammars. A few though will use the preps for boarding school prep or Wycombe Abbey. It’s not really about “the whole child” it’s more about what you can afford for the next 7 years. Or what your family has always afforded. It’s horses for courses!!

“Whole child approach” 😀😀 you’ve certainly swallowed their marketing Schtick hook line and sinker!

@TheaBrandt laugh all you like - you clearly don’t know what you are missing. A big part of choosing private is a) more personalised teaching where mine get 1:1 time with teacher if needed and b) access to enrichment activities and programming that we couldn’t replicate at home even if we were able to ferry them to a whole host of afterschool programmes.

in a typical week my junior school kids get 2x PE, 1x swimming, forest school, specialist art and music instruction, foreign language lessons, 2-3 days with hands on STEM workshops where they do science or tech in a hands on way, and loads of opportunities. That is the main curriculum and doesn’t include a wide variety of after school clubs offered at no additional cost or need to ferry kids about. They also have loads more down time during they day for play breaks.

our local state options do a great job at pushing a high standard of literacy and math, but achieving that means everything else is pushed to the margins. If I just cared about SATS or 11+ then yes, there wouldn’t be much difference between state and private. But I place great value on all those ‘extras’ and think they make a difference even if that difference isn’t always quantifiable on a timed exam.

The best option is to pay all fees up front.

Sounds lovely but sadly we can’t afford the fees for two so ours will have to struggle on with their sub standard (half child?) education 😀