Even though your child is only 2, I’d advise you to start visiting schools now. Popular prep schools (at least in our area) have waiting lists from birth (bonkers).
Go and look - you’ll really get a feel for each as you walk around. Some preps are more “elite” than others. Some will be judging you as much as you’re judging them (taken from firsthand experience).
Don’t get too bogged down in choosing a school that goes all the way to 18. You have no idea who your child will grow up to be yet. Some of the reasons we chose our prep school (small, family feel) have started to work against us now. My DS (end of Y6) has totally outgrown it. With hindsight, the classes are actually too small from the perspective of friendship group dynamics - it’s co-Ed so relatively few boys who frankly aren’t particularly nice kids in the main. I think that experience is probably relatively unique to us. We’ve just been unlucky with the class dynamic. But something to keep in mind.
Having said the above, keep in mind your own aspirations for your child. Are you hoping for an academic focus? Or is pastoral care your priority? We were laser focussed on the 11+ so our first priority was to choose a school which would support that. Schools that go to either 13 or 18 often (by their own admission) won’t focus on 11+ preparation as they’re simply not motivated to do so.
Our school isn’t particularly “elite” from a wealth perspective. It’s my perception that there are other prep schools in the area with much higher wealth per capita! I think that might have something to do with the fact our school goes to 11 and its USP is 11+ prep. Perhaps a greater proportion of parents are therefore focussed on grammar entry (perhaps as they don’t want/aren’t able to afford the higher private secondary school fees). When younger, my DS occasionally came out with a couple of questions which horrified me … “why don’t we have a swimming pool?” And “why don’t we have a villa in Marbella”…. That sort of thing. Which I shut down immediately. My kids know they’re incredibly fortunate. So you should be prepared for some inevitable comparison. Kids say what they see! If I’m being totally honest, I do think my DCs lead an incredibly sheltered life and are out of touch - they have no perspective on how some families really struggle (despite my best efforts to ground them).
The main negative I’ve found with private school is the shocking sense of entitlement from some of the parents (and therefore their DCs). I knew there’d be an element of that but it runs much deeper than I anticipated. It’s incredibly clique-y (mums who lunch and gym) - if your face fits, you’re golden. If not, then not so much.
That said, the pros massively outweigh the cons. I can’t fault the education my children are receiving. Without a doubt they are well ahead of their peers at state primary schools. Beyond that, the opportunities are endless…. music, clubs, trips…. It turns out that both are really musical (a throwback gene we think!) and I’m not sure we’d ever have known that without the opportunities offered at their school. All of these things bring invaluable confidence.
Even though our experience hasn’t been overwhelmingly positive, I’m still an advocate of private education and I don’t wish we’d done it differently. No school is perfect and whether it be state or private, there’ll be people who just aren’t your people!
So go visit as many as possible, ask current parents for their honest views and go with your gut.