One child gets into Grammar, the other doesn't....

[NotEnoughTime]

Does anyone have any experience of one of their DC passing the 11+ and a subsequent DC not?

My oldest DS is very happy at his Grammar school. We are hoping that our younger DS will pass the 11+ too and join him there. Younger DS really wants to go there too. I think he has a very good chance of passing as his brother as he is equally bright.

However I know from my eldest son's year that many children who "should have" easily passed who didn't and vice versa. I'm worried that if he doesn't pass he will somehow feel inferior to his big brother.

For background, we are in a opt out 11+ area so every child sits the exam so it is a very big deal here. People often say things like "I bet you will be going to school with your big brother" which although kindly meant makes me and him feel more under pressure.

We are not in a position to move out of the area so that is not a option. Neither is private school.

I'm really starting to worry about this as I have tried very hard to give my boys the same opportunities in life so far and would hate my younger boy not to have the same chance in life

What also make matters worse is I really dislike the school that younger DS would have to go to if he doesn't pass the 11+ and no, it's not because it's not a Grammar-I love the non Grammar in the next town along but we are out of catchment for that.

If anyone could give me any advice then I would be very grateful.

I did chemistry mollo but really wanted to do dentistry! Not an option now I'm afraid, I live nowhere near those courses.

A lot of it is luck though, and you have to make do with what you get.

Bert, you sent your DD to grammsr school. You appealed your DS's results to try to get him a grammar place, I assume because you wanted the best for your family (and sod the proles). What makes you any different to the other posters on this thread who did the same?

Grammar school prole and proud.

Bertrand I don't think 'the 'allrightjackery' dig works here since most of the contributors have DCs at grammar and SM or superselective and comprehensive. Ironically the collateral damage and sensitivities of the OP's scenario is most pertinent to those families who don't need the help in social mobility that you obviously think is blocked by selective education (which BTW is not just about a grammar school systems).
In my extended family the most successful (very wealthy, productive and happy) few of the youngish generation have not achieved it through an academic route and would have really disliked a typical grammar school education.

The allrightjack line also doesn't work for posters who have all their DC through the 11+ successfully because we could then (with the DC safely into grammar indulging their work ethic, looking askance at the proles and generally being elite) take up some saintly position and rail against the system which we'd previously used to our advantage - as Bertrand did. I take the lack of force field point but see that some people genuinely can't move. What I don't accept is that you have to put your DC in for the test if you're vehemently against selective education. Those with real principles opt out of the test themselves by way of encouraging others to do the same and to protest against and scupper the system.

Thanks for the reply HeadoftheHive - yes, I can see that dentistry would have been especially hard to transfer onto.

molio of course not everyone can move.

But for those that can, I really cannot see why you wouldn't if you genuinely believed the system was damaging every child within it.

Eric because I assume some want to stay and fight the valiant fight from within. Although they then probably wouldn't enter their own DC for the test. Or appeal.

An anti private school poster once told me that she wanted her DC to be 'part of the solution, not the problem.'

All terribly grandiose.

But actually how did she expect that to happen ? What could her children solve?

Molio I also don't think the comment is appropriate to those who have DCs who have all got places at a grammar school. 'allrightjackery' can equally apply to families with DCs at SMs who have all the advantages of MC educated parents plus potential access points for university entrance should the DCs want to go to university. Selection can be unfair, alternative schools can be poor. Those are the real issues rather than trying to abolish one type of selection.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for their input on my thread

If I can add one more thing OP, on the day that I sat my 11+, my P7 teacher came to wish us all luck and at the end said "Remember, no one's life has ever been ruined because they didn't pass the 11+".

Good luck.

Many thanks Dione