Recovering from BED/bulimia caused by restrictive eating

[Taq]

As the title really. This follows on from another thread in 90 days only, and hopefully it can be a nice, supportive thread where we can help each other out.

There is only one rule. Please DO NOT suggest or advise ANY kind of dieting, restrictive eating, or rules around food/what to eat/how to eat. That is what got me and many others into this mess!

I totally get that diet culture is so ingrained into our society that people might suggest things like intuitive eating or intermittent fasting etc thinking it might help. But it won’t, and if this is pointed out to you then please take it on board. There are many other threads where that will be welcome 🙂

Please feel free to share resources. Personally, I have found Brain over Binge totally revolutionary. I think because it closely mirrors my own story - I had a health condition that made me lose lots of weight. I felt amazing being so thin and had so many compliments. When I was better and began to climb back to my normal healthy weight (BMI 23 - I have never actually been clinically overweight which I think it important to note) I panicked and began my first diet - calorie counting.

I lost all the weight again calorie counting and I was under 8 stone. I was obsessive over it but the intense hunger made me binge one day. And so began the cycle of binging and purging. Like the author of BoB, I couldn’t make myself vomit, my purges were in the form of starving myself and exercising.

That is a very condensed history of a very long story. I am now in recovery and I have the book to thank as it was almost tailored to my exact situation. My binging wasn’t caused by psychological issues; it was simple biology of hunger, which then caused a habit which I carefully nurtured and ingrained over 3 years without realising.

Everyone’s story is different and not every approach will suit everyone. The philosophy of BoB worked for me but different people will need different methods.

I'm not naive enough to think that this is me cured forever. But I am now absolutely positive of two things:

1. I will NEVER diet again.
2. I am now a recovering bulimic.

Hope this thread ends up being a helpful and supportive place 🙂

Hello
I've read this and the previous thread and will be following you.
Suspected ADHD (all the online tests are a firm yes but I haven't done anything about the formal diagnosis as, you know, prevarication!), history of trying every diet going & piling it all on afterwards and then a realisation a couple of years ago that I binge eat following by, a year or so ago, making the connection between ADHD and dopamine hits. Like PP, I have wondered about therapy but just don't think it is that, it is more habit.
I'm not going to recommend it as it is ultimately encouraging you to lose weight but I found the Noom book really helpful to reinforce some of the ideas behind BoB. It was after reading that earlier this year that I began to think about my binges after they happened and try and work out if there were any links. One I quickly realised was that I binge every Monday after work. I can only think that this started about 8 years ago when Mondays with two preschoolers were always a nightmare and I'd stand at the fridge shoving food into me hidden from the DC as I didn't have time for a proper tea. Mondays are now one of the quieter days of my week but I still do it!
There was also a section on your ability to make decisions and you have to have the mental capacity to make good decisions. My work is cyclical on about a three month cycle and I really noticed that, as it moved through that cycle and got busier and more stressed and was constantly making decisions at work, I'd binge more. So I need to find a way to fix that.
Finally, I realised how inherently the diet culture has infected my approach to sport. I do a 6.30am gym class once a week and love it as the instructor is fun, there are nice people in it and good music. If I miss it, I think sod it and eat crap all day even though I'm not enjoying it. Likewise, I noticed a connection between the days I don't go for a quick walk at lunchtime (whether because it's raining or I'm in meetings) and getting home and binging. The two shouldn't be connected.

@raspberriesblueberries again, not commenting on the adhd aspect and forgive me if I am misunderstanding your own link between exercise and eating that you say shouldn’t be connected, but it sounds like when you get stressed and overwhelmed, a binge is a release - but a bit of time out, in the cases you mention, to exercise, also provides a release. Rather than trying to disconnect the exercise and eating by fighting it, would it help to acknowledge it and work with it - prioritise regular breaks from work even when it’s hectic, just taking a five minute walk and a snack away from your desk a couple of times a day - because you know if you don’t get those moments to reset you are much more likely to binge later?

The Monday thing does sound like a habit, what habit could you introduce to replace it? Or, could you acknowledge that you are going to eat the ‘binge food’ so allow yourself to sit and actually enjoy it?

Well done for starting this new thread@Taq , and it's great to see so many others have migrated over from the old one. Hopefully everyone who joins this one will respect the fact that ANY diet talk can trigger someone with a BED.

It's great to see how far you and some of the others have come in just a few weeks. There is no umbrella solution for overcoming a BED, you have to work it out for yourself and it's lonely having to deal with it, so I'm glad the previous thread and now this one is helping so many.

I thought of you this morning when I went for a swim and an older lady told me I looked lovely*. The compliments are out there for you!

*I looked like I’d slept for three hours and was 4 stone overweight with no make up on in an ill-fitting bikini. It takes more than going up a dress size to make you unworthy of compliments. Xx

I was reading another thread on here about adhd and binge eating. I won’t link to it because it’s quite diet-focused, but a few people said that Elvanse adhd medication had significantly taken away the urge to binge.

I have a diagnosis for autism but not adhd so doubt I could persuade anyone to prescribe it for me, but I guess it could be relevant to other adhd-ers.

I feel the same as you about being medicated. I think years of being misdiagnosed with depression rather than autism, and given unnecessary antidepressants, has made me wary.

I'm thinking about my forthcoming holiday in the summer. I haven't worn swimwear for a few years, summer 2019. I stupidly tried on my bikini top today. Its made me feel a bit shit. Its a few cup sizes too small now. Talk about doing something silly. I have been browsing online for a one piece. I've never worn a one piece before, well since I was young, I feel the time is right now as thinking about wearing and buying a bikini just stresses me out and puts pressure on me. I'm going to buy a couple of beautiful swimsuits, something that makes me feel glamorous and covers the bits that I'm not confident about. I think I'm at that time where chasing perfection is just too much for me.

@BusterGonad search tummy control swimsuit on next. They are great.

Really encouraging message! I need to find something that I enjoy doing for sure.

I'm not having a good day today, I'm home alone as my husband is out and I'm feeling pissed off after trying on my bikini top yesterday. I'm literally full of self hatred today. I'm trying hard to pull myself up but I haven't got it in me. I'm worn out.

@BusterGonad i hear you 🙏

I just feel so bloody mad. The thing is it probably isn't even my fault. Apparently I've been through the menopause (I only 44!) so that makes it hard to shift weight and probably is why I'm now bigger. I'm fed up of feeling this way. I go from feeling good, not binging, feeling okay with myself then I try on a bloody bikini top and I'm back at square one. Clothes used to make me so happy. Getting dressed up was something I loved doing. Today I just feel burning the lot and wearing leggings for the rest of my life.

I could actually cry tbh. I feel that crap.

Who feels good in a bikini top?? No one!!
Buy yourself a lovely swimsuit that you can be happy with. I have one with 3/4 sleeves and shorts and it’s SO much better than a bikini.

Bikinis were NOT designed for the benefit of womankind. Bin it off 💐💐💐💐

I like bikinis when I was 25 and my tits stood up by themselves… in fact I used to go topless. Not anymore!!!

I know what you are saying, I'm just so fed up of feeling this way. I don't want to wear shorts or anything like that, I just want to fit into a swimsuit that makes me feel nice. The annoying thing is to now get new swimwear is a pain in the arse. I'm no longer in the UK, I'll have to guess my size and if I'm wrong I can't return it. I'm beyond livid. I'm just wasting so money on swimwear that doesn't contain my boobs.

Even a tankini would be nice, so I could roll it up whilst laying out, I just have no clue what size to order. I'm so frustrated.

Thats a pain if you can’t try it. Swimwear is hit and miss.

I know. I'm going to South East Asia and there's no chance of anything fitting me there. I'm going to chance it and buy one from Joules in my dress size. I'm between sizes so I'm getting the larger of the two. It's just another nail in the coffin of me feeling crap about myself. No doubt it will arrive and I'll have major boob overhang. 😔

I always order what I think is my size, plus the ones either side of it, and then send the wrong ones back. That’s what credit cards are for.

Joules comes up small I find! I have a beautiful swimsuit I ordered in the size above just to be safe and it was still too small. Even when I was at my lightest!

Unfortunately I can't. I'm not in the UK. I have to order it, wait for the 3rd party delivery company to deliver it. I do not have the option of ordering and trying on.

Bullocks that's really bad news. Some reviews said it came up big. I have 3 Joules dresses in my size. They fit well. May I ask how long ago amd was it the Jasmine swimsuit?

I've found a solution. I've ordered one on Ebay, going fairly cheaply. Once it arrives I'll obviously get the jist of it and then I can go ahead and order another depending on fit etc. I must try and snap out of my dark mood. I hear the red wine calling me from the kitchen. 🍷

Yeah most of my joules stuff is fine, maybe this swimsuit was just a baddun. It wasn’t the jasmine one.

Okay. Many thanks. I'll await my delivery and see what happens.