Recovering from BED/bulimia caused by restrictive eating

[Taq]

As the title really. This follows on from another thread in 90 days only, and hopefully it can be a nice, supportive thread where we can help each other out.

There is only one rule. Please DO NOT suggest or advise ANY kind of dieting, restrictive eating, or rules around food/what to eat/how to eat. That is what got me and many others into this mess!

I totally get that diet culture is so ingrained into our society that people might suggest things like intuitive eating or intermittent fasting etc thinking it might help. But it won’t, and if this is pointed out to you then please take it on board. There are many other threads where that will be welcome 🙂

Please feel free to share resources. Personally, I have found Brain over Binge totally revolutionary. I think because it closely mirrors my own story - I had a health condition that made me lose lots of weight. I felt amazing being so thin and had so many compliments. When I was better and began to climb back to my normal healthy weight (BMI 23 - I have never actually been clinically overweight which I think it important to note) I panicked and began my first diet - calorie counting.

I lost all the weight again calorie counting and I was under 8 stone. I was obsessive over it but the intense hunger made me binge one day. And so began the cycle of binging and purging. Like the author of BoB, I couldn’t make myself vomit, my purges were in the form of starving myself and exercising.

That is a very condensed history of a very long story. I am now in recovery and I have the book to thank as it was almost tailored to my exact situation. My binging wasn’t caused by psychological issues; it was simple biology of hunger, which then caused a habit which I carefully nurtured and ingrained over 3 years without realising.

Everyone’s story is different and not every approach will suit everyone. The philosophy of BoB worked for me but different people will need different methods.

I'm not naive enough to think that this is me cured forever. But I am now absolutely positive of two things:

1. I will NEVER diet again.
2. I am now a recovering bulimic.

Hope this thread ends up being a helpful and supportive place 🙂

Yeah I don't know the answer to that @Helenahandkart! I do have some restrictions in my eating but I also don't do well with planning and I'm a bit chaotic, so I suppose my approach is a sort of hybrid of ME and IE. It works for me! But I do try to stick to the principles of eating to support my body, not restricting calories or food groups and not binging.

I feel that if I'm not starving myself or binging or purging, then I am meeting my goals for recovery. Others may have different goals for themselves but those are mine and my way of eating currently works for that. It took me a good long while to figure it out though and I still have to be vigilant about it. I definitely don't have answers! I can only tell you what's worked for me.

@beastlyslumber i know you didn’t like BoB but the principle of eating to support your body is something they have as a goal to recovery. They call it providing adequate nourishment. I’m taking that forward with a view of I won’t allow myself to be hungry etc. I’ve found it helpful too.

It's a core principle in recovery, not just in BoB. If you're hungry it's so much harder to avoid a binge. Sounds like common sense but I remember what a revelation that was to me at first!

It was the first time I thought of eating as something that’s actually essential!

I really like the idea of adequate nutrition and supporting your body with the food you choose. What worries me though is that in choosing nutritious food I am then restricting myself from eating the food that isn’t nutritious, which then makes me hanker after it and triggers a binge.

I don’t know if it’s dopamine-seeking, or the lack of energy associated with perimenopause, or just habit, but left to my own devices I would live on sugar and crisps and biscuits, even when I’m not calorie restricting and also eating three nutritious meals a day. I need to read the books! I’m hoping it will all become a bit clearer for me.

What is meant by that is not restricting yourself. With BED people swing between not eating enough (restrictive eating) and then binging. The theory is that the restriction leads our brain to crave the binge because it thinks we’re starved, and actually, that’s probably true. BoB considers it a survival instinct. Which actually makes sense.

So it’s not intended to influence what you eat. Just that you eat adequately - however that looks to you.

At first I ate everything I wanted. Chocolate, cake, whatever. I still do eat whatever I want but I find now I just am less interested in what we're previously my binge foods. Having them without restriction, not as a binge but as a normal part of life, does remove some of their appeal. I started to realise I didn't like the taste or texture of some foods when I gave myself permission to have them all the time. With some foods I noticed I didn't like how they made me feel. I think when I was binging I didn't even really know which foods I liked or disliked.

So now I have permission to eat whatever I want but I might just not want it. Or I might want it, and choose to eat it, and that's fine too. Dunno if this is ADHD related but I quite often get obsessed wth a certain food and want to eat it every day for a period of time. So now I have permission to do that, and trust I'll lose interest in it at some point, so I don't stress if it's not the healthiest. But I'll very often choose healthy food because I enjoy it and like how I feel when I eat it. I don't know if I'm explaining this well. I feel I have freedom with food now that I never had before.

I think I’m very fearful of removing all restriction from my life and then just finding myself in a crazy whirl of refined carbs and sugar, putting on loads more weight, and finally succumbing to diabetes. I don’t have a lot of wiggle room with my physical health, and those kinds of foods are (I believe) designed to leave you wanting more and more of the same.

If I was in a better physical state to begin with then I guess I could throw caution to the wind, stop restricting, and trust that the process would work. Like I said, I need to read more, and reading your stories certainly gives me more confidence in the process.

Can I join please? Bulimic for 20 years and currently attempting my millionth time trying to recover!

It is SO scary to stop restricting @Helenahandkart . I remember I was terrified I'd never stop eating junk. But I did.

I do believe that letting go of restriction is necessary for recovery. The Fuck It Diet is very, very good on this aspect. Also Sarah Dosanjh talks a lot about "mental restriction" and how even just planning to restrict can trigger a binge.

All very true, IF becomes an excuse to eat what you want basically! So many negatives mentalities involved for someone with BED.

Designed to make you want more…?

You bet they are! Even down to the noise the packaging makes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0c98s7r

This is an absolutely brilliant podcast that explores ultra processed foods and how they’re addictive and designed intentionally to be so.

It made me quite cross with the food industry and now I’m cross with the diet industry! Industry is the problem.

@Taq Dunno if this is ADHD related but I quite often get obsessed wth a certain food and want to eat it every day for a period of time.

I absolutely do this. Recently is been prawns, pesto and pasta other times flapjacks or eggs and tbh when I do this I don’t actually binge on those items. Oddly I can eat them in moderation and just for a meal. Maybe because I’m not banning them.

❤️ I hope you find some relief here.

Sorry should have tagged @beastlyslumber in that.

You don't need an excuse to eat what you want.

Eat what you want, when you want and how you want. The point is that you're doing what you want rather than feeling compelled and out of control.

I get really overwhelmed by planning food shopping preparation of food jeez it’s just getting worse I just think if I have food in I’ll eat it so my cupboards tend to be bare just the thought of planning makes me stressed which makes me eat does anyone else feel like this ? I can cook as well 🙄🤯

@Helenahandkart when you talk about choosing nutritious food and therefore cutting out the food you think of as ‘not nutritious’ you are showing the black and white ‘diet mindset’ - would it be easier to get your head around prioritising nutritious food - this could be ensuring every meal includes protein, some kind of good fat and a portion of fruit/veg for example but also allowing yourself to add anything else you fancy? That way you are adding food in rather than cutting it out? And the food you are adding in is what your body actually needs, meaning you shouldn’t get as hungry and even though you aren’t banning them, you less likely to overeat (or certainly less likely to binge on) the stuff you would normally try and deny yourself?

This may sound like more rules to eat by but there has to be some sense applied about what we all know about basic nutrition - knowing what is essential/desirable in our diet (as in what we eat, not a regime) plays a part in letting go of restriction. In the same way we wouldn’t let our kids eat coco pops for breakfast lunch and dinner, letting go of restrictions doesn’t mean we can do similar - at least not long term. Added to which, totally letting go can be scary - some guidelines can feel reassuring. I think that 3 meals a day which each include some quality nutrients, no other rules, comes from a positive mindset rather than a punishing one.

@Parsley1234 personally it doesn’t bother me. I do find it monotonous but I have young kids so have to be organised for lunches and dinners. I’m using HelloFresh right now and that is making things way easier.

The planning and shopping is awful. I think that’s why I was so happy being on my last diet (until I inevitably ‘failed’ at it) because it gave me meal plans and shopping lists and took away 95% of the anxiety around what to make and how to make it.

@Helenahandkart yes I get this meal replacements food sent in it takes away the anxiety for me it’s so crazy as I am an inventive cook food is good but it’s so stressful having food in. My mum was a terrible disinterested cook my grandma was fantastic so it’s all messed up in my brain

You’re right, and this is generally the path I try to follow, but then continue to gain weight because I don’t seem to have an ‘off’ switch for all of the less nutritious foods. Or if I do, I can’t recognise it.
Unfortunately having autism means that all of my thinking, not just diet thinking, is very black and white.
I find life without rules very difficult to manage, and vague rules, which I would describe your (excellent) suggestions as, are all too easy to flout.

On the previous thread there were several posts about how neurodiversity means that different strategies are required and I think this really highlights that. I NEED black and white rules because of autism. So I either eat everything/all the food, or I impose strict restrictions. If I decide to eat all the food then the bit of my brain that constantly needs a dopamine hit is just looking for endless cake, regardless of whether I’ve eaten a nutritious meal.

I can’t claim any understanding of the part neurodiversity plays @Helenahandkart . Would you say you have BED, or binge, or would you say you ‘just’ overeat?

What have you tried previously?

@sleepwhenidie BED. Which isn’t to say that I don’t overeat as well on occasion. I was bulimic, now I tend to just do the bingeing.

So is the pattern - you remove restriction, eat regular meals but overeat, gain weight, stress about the weight gain then reintroduce restriction and then binges happen? Or are the binges as frequent whether you are eating without restriction or dieting?