Recovering from BED/bulimia caused by restrictive eating

[Taq]

As the title really. This follows on from another thread in 90 days only, and hopefully it can be a nice, supportive thread where we can help each other out.

There is only one rule. Please DO NOT suggest or advise ANY kind of dieting, restrictive eating, or rules around food/what to eat/how to eat. That is what got me and many others into this mess!

I totally get that diet culture is so ingrained into our society that people might suggest things like intuitive eating or intermittent fasting etc thinking it might help. But it won’t, and if this is pointed out to you then please take it on board. There are many other threads where that will be welcome 🙂

Please feel free to share resources. Personally, I have found Brain over Binge totally revolutionary. I think because it closely mirrors my own story - I had a health condition that made me lose lots of weight. I felt amazing being so thin and had so many compliments. When I was better and began to climb back to my normal healthy weight (BMI 23 - I have never actually been clinically overweight which I think it important to note) I panicked and began my first diet - calorie counting.

I lost all the weight again calorie counting and I was under 8 stone. I was obsessive over it but the intense hunger made me binge one day. And so began the cycle of binging and purging. Like the author of BoB, I couldn’t make myself vomit, my purges were in the form of starving myself and exercising.

That is a very condensed history of a very long story. I am now in recovery and I have the book to thank as it was almost tailored to my exact situation. My binging wasn’t caused by psychological issues; it was simple biology of hunger, which then caused a habit which I carefully nurtured and ingrained over 3 years without realising.

Everyone’s story is different and not every approach will suit everyone. The philosophy of BoB worked for me but different people will need different methods.

I'm not naive enough to think that this is me cured forever. But I am now absolutely positive of two things:

1. I will NEVER diet again.
2. I am now a recovering bulimic.

Hope this thread ends up being a helpful and supportive place 🙂

@Parsley1234

I think it’s different for us all and probably different for us at different stages in our lives. I’m ok for now - but I’d be nervous to say Im sorted.

I had a win yesterday while travelling. I'd had breakfast first thing but wouldn't get to my destination until the evening. In the past I would have taken this opportunity to not eat at all, especially because gf food when travelling is a bit of a nightmare and there's not much that's healthy. But instead of starving myself, I went and found some gf sandwiches and out of the two available, I bought the one with the most calories, because it would have to last me a long time. I was quite proud of myself. It was enough to keep me going, and at dinner I had a good meal with loads of veggies and protein. I was hungry for it and enjoyed it, but wasn't tempted to overeat, binge or snack.

It sounds so ridiculous when I type it out. Like, I had a sandwich, big deal! But to me it felt like I was taking care of myself in an appropriate way. I didn't starve myself, and I didn't binge, I just ate like a normal person without an eating disorder.

Something from the book I mentioned above which I felt might be helpful:- they spoke about how smokers will say they are addicted; not greedy or indulgent. Whereas people who struggle with UPF won’t describe themselves as an addict. Dr Chris thinks we should change that notion and recognise the issue is the food and NOT the person. In the same way nicotine is addictive so is UPF.

But lots of people eat UPF without being addicted, don't they? I can eat them now in moderation if I choose to. Then again, I guess anything that spikes dopamine can be addictive. Anna Lembke's book on dopamine might be interesting to read in relation to UPFs.

However, it's not the whole 'answer' to BED - people with BED will usually binge on anything if their favourite binge foods aren't available. I was on a very restrictive keto diet at one point and binged on bacon and berries with whipped cream and keto pancakes etc. UPFs may be a part of the story for some people but lots of people have UPFs and don't binge on them or get addicted to them.

Sorry, meant to say, I agree we shouldn't say the person is the problem. BED is an eating disorder, doesn't mean you are a problem. You have a problem. Someone who doesn't have BED but can't put down a tube of pringles, yes, I agree it's the food that's been designed to be unputdownable and it's probably best in that case to not pick it up. That's different from having an eating disorder, I think.

@beastlyslumber it wasn’t intended to be a perfect solution for everyone - I just thought some might find it helpful. I don’t have a particular problem with UPF but know that many do.

And I’m also not saying you shouldn’t eat UPF - but for those that do - know finding them addictive is by design not an intended consequence!

@beastlyslumber well done. It's the small victories that give us the confidence to carry on.

Also just to add that whilst i understand finding UPF addictive and having an ED are not the same. I think for many of us we gain weight, eating processed foods, restrict ourselves and then beat ourselves up when we ultimately binge on the banned foods. The urge to eat those foods is strong! Most of us don’t binge on fruit and veg!

Yes, I totally agree it's really helpful to know about this stuff. Billions of dollars go into making these foods highly palatable and if you struggle to resist them, you're definitely not weak! They are doing exactly what they're designed to do and causing your brain to have a huge burst of chemicals that feel amazing.

I try to focus on how I feel after eating these foods as that is usually quite terrible! That puts me off them and while I will have them from time to time it's when there's no other option or it's a special occasion or something like that. Although I know I can resist them, and I did have them at first when I dropped food restrictions, I wouldn't have them in my house now! It's a restriction but I'm comfortable with it.

Hi all
I posted way up thread but mentioned a weight amount that I'd lost and I hadn't appreciated how triggering it was. I'm sorry.

I've not been on one of these threads before but thought I'd say hello. I was given therapy for BED about 6 years ago. It's taken me this long to get my head around a lot of stuff and I've felt I've had a more steady and regulated approach to food over the last year or so.
However, I'm hugely struggling with my body image. It feels as though my steadier approach to food has meant my approach to self image has massively swung the other way. I'm so focused on how I look, what size my clothes are, comments I get from my appearance. I'm finding my mood dipping hugely, and that I "should" be much happier with my body as my eating is better.

But I'm really not happy. I don't get it. What is it going to take to like me for being me?

Hi rainyrunner. Sorry to hear you're struggling. I think body image is something a lot of us really do struggle with. One thing that has helped me is body neutrality. Trying to feel more neutral about my body rather than positive or negative. I try to focus on what my body can do rather than what it looks like.

Life After Diets has some podcasts on this, I think.

My body image is shot to pieces. I'm scrutinising every lump and bump. I'm trying to find summer dresses that are loose yet flatter my shape. I have many dresses but I put them on and feel... 'not me' or that they are too tight or short. I just want a nice loose dress, not too short, summery and pretty. I've seen a few on ebay but I spend my life buying clothes and then never wearing them. I'm looking back to my most worn summer dresses from the past and they are all a bit over size. Then I think, no if you're bigger then you need dresses that give you shape. I just can't win. My mind has gone. Do I go with what I want or what I'm always told to do (following body shape rules)? I think I've completely lost my moho regarding style. I never thought this would happen. I've always known what I like and now my confidence has gone.

*mojo

Thanks for reassuring me I'm not on my own!
I like the idea of body neutrality. That sounds like what I need to work towards!

I try very hard achieve body neutrality but I find it very difficult. Actually I get worked about people judging my body. Comparing it to what it used to be, even though 99% of people I meet never knew me slim so it's just another ridiculous thing going on in my head. Today I had a nice bath, shaved and exfoliated then put fake tan on my legs. I then wore a summer t shirt dress (new and never worn) and new sandals to pick my son up from school. For me that's a win.

I think we all need to keep reminding ourselves what a fantastic con it all is that we can have the perfect body. We are brainwashed, particularly as women, to have this as a goal but it’s an impossible task! Even the ‘perfect’ people we see on adverts and in magazines have help via make up, filters and photoshop to look like that and loads of them will be struggling too. It is pretty much a state of being for women to be unhappy with their bodies no matter what their weight is. And it is far from the most important thing about us. Do you judge other people’s bodies anywhere near as harshly as your own? The voices we carry in our own heads, criticising our own appearance can be so vicious, we would never say such things about anyone else, probably wouldn’t even think them.

I agree about body neutrality too, loving our bodies can be a step too far when years have passed hating it/wishing it was different. Acceptance and respect is a more achievable goal. A good way to get to that is trying to judge less (putting yourself in a situation where you see lots of other real life bodies, like the swimming example, can help a lot with this) and appreciate more - what can you do/have you done with your body? How can you use it well and treat it well?

Exercise for the sake of enjoyment and appreciation (as opposed to attempting to shrink) is a great tool for improving body image. Martial arts/weightlifting can be incredibly empowering, yoga works when you need to strive less to get your body (or life!) to be different-it’s more about accepting and working with where you are right now, dance is great for embodiment, walking is incredibly underrated for the mental and physical benefits it brings.

@BusterGonad the exfoliating/fake tan, nice dress is all great. You are doing the right thing and especially when you aren’t particularly feeling like it. So 👏👏Sometimes a bit of faking it to make it is necessary and it can work wonders.

I am struggling today. I made a conscious choice to have a couple of glasses of wine and a huge bar of chocolate (300g and 1600 calories) last night. My DH bought both for me over two weeks ago and I have left them alone. I actually thought, I’ve done well, I’m going to have a treat/indulge.

I don’t believe that’s a binge - I made a calculated choice, I asked “was I in control” and obviously was leaning towards the eating. I had some crackers and cheese too. But I ate mindfully. I didn’t lose control, I made a choice.

Today I have this internal monologue in my head that I’ve been bad and need to pull it back.

You haven’t been bad! And as you said, there’s a huge difference between this situation and a binge (a binge isn’t being ‘bad’ either for that matter). Put the calories out of your mind. Did you enjoy it all, was the treat what you wanted/anticipated?

I am full of regret now! I just wanted to indulge, I haven’t for ages. I’ve been trying not to eat things that tempt me. I’m mad at myself for being mad at myself - it was a choice. I feel like saying “eff it” and binging now. Been fighting with that mentality all day!

But morningcoffee that mindset means you are still restricting…you need to make peace with the fact that eating chocolate and cheese is part of a normal
way of eating - not ruining anything and so creating a reason to binge. Back to the stealing some sweets so may as well rob a bank analogy (sorry, can’t remember specifics)

Yes absolutely. I’m trying to tell myself this. Just in conflict in my mind.

How are you doing @Morningcoffeeview ?