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Eating disorders

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Adult eating disorders support

850 replies

thesootherfairy · 23/11/2020 18:02

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?
Smile

OP posts:
Bellawella1978 · 08/11/2022 23:59

Lizzy1328 · 08/11/2022 20:52

Good day here, eaten decent amount of healthy food and exercised. Bulimic off and on for many years. Currently aiming to get control of the B/P's and reduce the frequency.

No B/P today! X

Thats really good well done you! I will catch up with everyone tomorrow...definitely! Goodnight All x

Bellawella1978 · 09/11/2022 00:03

Lizzy1328 · 08/11/2022 20:55

Just to add I have had sustained periods of recovery.

Having two children which someone, him turning out to be an abusive, narcissistic bully then leaving him and trying to rebuild my life has led to a long period of relapse.

Everything else is sorted....time for the last piece of the 🧩 jigsaw! X

Sorry hadn't realised there were more messages! New to Mumsnet really, well the posting part. I can relate to what youve written and of pieces all throughout this thread. Its what pulled me toward reaching out and hoping there were still people out there. Its been eye opening reading through it all and helped me come to some realisations about my struggles.

Bellawella1978 · 09/11/2022 00:15

nutmegx · 08/11/2022 21:07

ACT is value focused therapy so my therapist doesn't insist on weight/food related goals, instead it's about aiming to live according to one's deep personal values be these family, diligence, balance etc. of course, where my anorexia is hindering me in living out life in a way that matters, there is opportunity for realistic change. It's so refreshing not to be told that what I believe is skewed but rather that some of my thoughts and actions might be getting in the way of a more authentic life. I totally switch of to people telling me "that's the anorexia talking" or that it's something separate. I've been I'll nearly 30 years. It's part of me-a part I can try to give less time and attention to me but I'm not delusional.

Ahh I see. Well for the last year or so ive been going to similar but mine is compassion focused therapy and it has helped me understand some parts of me and helped me make some good changes but the downside being me turning back to the eating disorder when I dont want to feel what the therapy is bringing up for me. I am the queen of avoidance and distraction techniques. Its how ive survived going through life. Drugs, shopping, decorating, food or lack of it. Whatever it may be I am always obsessive with it. The most destructive 2 have been drugs and food and it seems at the moment ive relapsed back into restricting food. Anyway its late so time for sleep 😴 goodnight.

Bellawella1978 · 09/11/2022 10:11

Morning all, I hope you are all well, and today will be a good day.
I thought I would give you some of my story.
I 1st suffered with an eating disorder at the age of 13. For me, that is always food restriction but can be accompanied by laxative abuse and/or excessive exercise. I remember that 1st time, it was a teacher who wanted to get me some help as there was no support or understanding whatsoever at home. I became quite poorly, but I dont think I saw any Drs. I have trouble remembering any of my childhood.
Between 14 and 18, I dabbled in recreational drugs, which eventually led to heroin addiction, which by 19 I was in deep. At 20, I became pregnant with my eldest and battled hard to not use during the pregnancy, and I did reduce heavily, but her Dad was still using in front of me every day so this made it incredibly hard. After her birth, I was straight back into using it, which got way worse, as well as heroin I started using crack cocaine. I eventually ended up in prison for 6 months. As I had no family, my daughter had to go into care while I served my sentence. On release, I left my hometown to start again and was reunited with her and given a 2nd chance at being a proper mum. Her Dad was also in prison at this time, but on his release, he joined the two of us, and that reunion led to relapse, and I was again using heroin. I again found out I was pregnant and again tried to get myself clean and went to drug services who put me on a methodone prescription, and I stopped using. When my 2nd was about 2, I was managing not to use drugs, but the eating disorder snuck back in. I became very poorly and eventually ended up in a rehabilitation centre for 9 months.
For a good few years after leaving there, I managed to stay well free from drugs and anorexia for a couple of years. Although I would always go on an extremely strict diet every year from about August to drop a couple of stone so I could allow myself to enjoy some Xmas food. The eldest twos father did not come back on the scene, so I struggled with no support.
That's when I met my youngest twos Dad, and 3 months after meeting him, I again relapsed and was again using heroin. 6 months after meeting him, I was pregnant and determined not to let history repeat with this child and again sought help through drug services and have been on a heroin substitute for the past 11 years. I also, in that time, had another child.
Six years ago, I had to go into a womens refuge as the youngest twos Dad was abusive, and it was the best thing I could have done. After 16 months, I finally left refuge to move into my house, which I still call home. Apart from some times of being in a deep depression I feel I've been doing ok. The depression did lead me into being taken on by the community mental health team, which is how I was led into the compassion focused therapy group after 2 years of individual therapy, having not helped.
January 2022 I decided it was time to become a little healthier as had been eating a lot of crap and put on a lot of weight and this desire to be healthier has somehow lead to where I am now. I've gone from one extreme to the other, which is me all over! Everything is all or nothing in my life. I can't seem to do anything with balance. I am an obsessive person with anything I do. Even with things like decorating and shopping! Anything to keep me busy, but I go all out!
But yeah, I have ended up restricting more and more of what I eat, and this eating disorder has got a grip on me once again, and I have lost a lot of weight where I know I am in trouble. However, reading through this thread over the last month or so has made me realise I have never actually had a healthy relationship with food and have had disordered eating my whole life! I just never knew. I thought how ate was normal, but as I've spent most of my life very isolated, I wouldn't know what was or wasn't normal.
And there you go, that's the short version (it really is) of my background. Sorry, I know I have basically just spewed my guts on here. Spending all my time on my own I dont get to talk to anyone in real life so thank you for giving me this space to write it all down x

nutmegx · 09/11/2022 21:01

@Bellawella1978 what a tough life you have had. How old are your children now? X

Bellawella1978 · 09/11/2022 21:33

nutmegx · 09/11/2022 21:01

@Bellawella1978 what a tough life you have had. How old are your children now? X

I have 3 daughters, and my youngest is a boy. They are 24, 21, 12, and 10.
And it's funny, you know, as that has said to me a fair few times, but I dont think I have had it as tough as many others.

frozengraper · 10/11/2022 08:10

@Bellawella1978 thanks for sharing your story. I also think you've had a tough time of it and want to send the warmest of wishes your way. You're clearly also a driven and resilient individual, which positions you well to beat this over time. Many, many people do. Flowers

I relate hard to the obsessiveness, and in a way, anorexia is just another form of addiction isn't it? And can be really hard to break because unlike drugs or wine, you have to keep eating to survive.

I tried talking to my GP again last week who just told me to drop my daily walks from 25k steps to 10k steps and honestly I just ... can't. I love walking so much. He also suggested calling the nhs therapy line but I've been down that route before and it wasn't helpful. So I think I'm becoming resigned to this just being my life. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing anymore.

nutmegx · 10/11/2022 12:25

@frozengraper can you try to break the obsessiveness of it being 25k, forcing yourself to do a handful less steps? Or turn the counter off when you reach 24k? Breaking the habit without it being too drastic may help you push further when you're ready. The trouble with exercise is when ill or injured and having the permission to rest. I've been there exercising on injuries and it was probably more desperate than the starvation.

TheOrigRights · 10/11/2022 12:48

I agree with nutmeg; if you really want to try and see what recover can look like you have to accept that you are going to feel uncomfortable and restless, sit with that feeling and see that the world does not implode.
I feel shame and embarrassment when I look back to my most obsessive time and would phone around to find someone to sit with my son (I'm a lone parent) so I could exercise. I had a million ways to tell myself it was OK, that they understood my reasons and would support me (I was careful I only asked people who understood how important exercise is), but I knew subconsciously then and can admit it now, that while it did indeed tick a lot of boxes (fresh air, space, time alone, endorphins), the feeling of anxiety and desperation (what if no one was free?) was not healthy. I put people out quite a few times just so I could run.
During these 'make myself not exercise' times I've had to ensure I don't just transfer the obsession/need to something else.

The sitting with the feelings thing comes gradually, but then you can build on it. And then you can do other (nice things) with the time, and that's good, and you can build on that.

I never used to stop. Now I watch at least 20 mins of crappy telly before I go to bed. I look forward to it and know it does me good.

TheOrigRights · 10/11/2022 12:53

I never used to stop. Now I watch at least 20 mins of crappy telly before I go to bed. I look forward to it and know it does me good.

And even so, I have to have my pink lady apple and my orange, so I have transferred somewhat, but I think it's an OK one.

nutmegx · 10/11/2022 20:50

@frozengraper maybe I misunderstood your exercise post. Is it your GP advising the reduction or (somewhere in you) is it your wish? What does the exercise give you? You mentioned the endorphins, breathing space etc. which is valid with or without an ED. Is it also for weight/body shape control? What outcome of exercise would come top you rated them by importance? X

TheOrigRights · 10/11/2022 22:10

nutmegx · 10/11/2022 20:50

@frozengraper maybe I misunderstood your exercise post. Is it your GP advising the reduction or (somewhere in you) is it your wish? What does the exercise give you? You mentioned the endorphins, breathing space etc. which is valid with or without an ED. Is it also for weight/body shape control? What outcome of exercise would come top you rated them by importance? X

I think you're merged two posts into one there!

Bellawella1978 · 14/11/2022 08:54

So I went to the Dr on Friday, and I was shocked to find out I have lost over a stone in 4 weeks, and the Dr is very concerned about where this is heading. I should be concerned, too, and I was for the rest of Friday worrying about my children as they only have me. There is no other family. So if I got really poorly where I couldn't take care of them, they would end up going into care.
So why isn't knowing all this enough to make me eat more? The war I've been having in my head over the weekend. With one side saying please just eat even a little more your kids need you and the other side saying if you eat more or deviate from what you eat everyday at the same time you have failed you have lost control.
Sorry, Im rambling. I am just trying to put into words what goes on in my head.
It's just so hard. The tug of war. Especially as the anorexia is the one winning, which then makes me feel so guilty and so selfish and a shit mum, yet it's still not enough for me to stop.

TheOrigRights · 14/11/2022 11:38

@Bellawella1978 I'm so sorry you are going through these difficulties.
Did the GP refer you to the ED team?

Boooooot · 14/11/2022 21:20

Hello can I join? I’m really struggling atm. EDS said they might not be able to help me as my mental health is so poor. I went to the gym today and I can’t bring myself to eat since even though I’m hungry. I find eating so stressful and anxiety inducing.

Bellawella1978 · 15/11/2022 10:13

TheOrigRights · 14/11/2022 11:38

@Bellawella1978 I'm so sorry you are going through these difficulties.
Did the GP refer you to the ED team?

Hi and thank you thats kind.
To be honest Im not quite sure what the plan of action is as while there I did tell him that my therapist had said that she didnt feel being referred to the ED team would necessarily be what I needed. I think she feels I need what has already been started with herself but that is group work which has had to be put on hold until January ( another story). GP is now going to talk with her and has contacted my psychiatrist to see me so at the moment I dont know what they are going to suggest. I have an appointment with therapist on Tuesday to do some individual work so we will see.

Bellawella1978 · 15/11/2022 10:14

Boooooot · 14/11/2022 21:20

Hello can I join? I’m really struggling atm. EDS said they might not be able to help me as my mental health is so poor. I went to the gym today and I can’t bring myself to eat since even though I’m hungry. I find eating so stressful and anxiety inducing.

Hi there sorry to hear you too are struggling.

Rustnot · 16/11/2022 17:57

Just checking in.
I am doing OK, my general mental health is more stable, but I am still having issues with eating. I am going to be discharged from the EDS in the new year and I am very aware of how lucky I am to have received support to the extent that I have. Still feeling anxious about discharge and how that will impact the ED as I am not recovered. I am not sure I am ready for full recovery.

Hello to everyone who has joined the thread, but sorry you are struggling. @Bellawella1978 and @Boooooot I hope you get the support you need soon

TheOrigRights · 16/11/2022 19:48

Rusnot I have been discharged from services twice. The second time was more my choice so that was fine, but the first...gosh it really untethered me. I sat in the car and sobbed and sobbed.

Rustnot · 16/11/2022 20:09

Yes I'm not sure how I will feel. It is probably right to be ending in some ways. I definitely need to spend some time working on myself and the things I have learnt. I was having weekly sessions, but they are tapering now. In an ideal world I'd like to stay open to the service and be able to check in after 6 months or a year, and have the option of further treatment if I need it. In some ways it does feel strange to be being discharged when I am not 'better' but I'm very grateful that I have had support. Three years ago I was inpatient on an acute psychiatric ward. I was so poorly, but I am managing my illness much better and I hope that continues 🙏

TheOrigRights · 17/11/2022 08:47

The service will always be there, that's what I was told.
I was also not recovered when discharged, and I think that's probably common. After all, you need to be doing it on your own w/o their support to really be recovered. I don't mean you shouldn't have support, but it should come from your family or friends, and using the skills/tools you've been taught.

You have come a Very Long Way and I believe you are in a place where you have the skills to continue the right way.

nutmegx · 17/11/2022 12:57

@Rustnot I would just make sure you have a fast track plan with the service should you decline. I was discharged and had a relapse that became life threatening by the time I'd gone via GP, community dietitian referral, referral to EDS, full initial assessment... took over a year

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 13:41

Jumping in…

i struggle very very badly at this time of year due to being underweight. The cold! It’s debilitating. Really impacts me. Looking for… comradeship?

TheOrigRights · 02/12/2022 15:26

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 13:41

Jumping in…

i struggle very very badly at this time of year due to being underweight. The cold! It’s debilitating. Really impacts me. Looking for… comradeship?

Hello Feef,
I understand. Not right now but I have been there. I know how it feels to think that physical symptoms are 'my fault' and 'if only you....' it would be better.
I do feel the cold in general, but I am not in financial difficulties and absolutely refuse to be cold in my house. I will forfeit other things to save money if I need to.
I am getting Raynauds quite a bit.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 16:57

Thank you @TheOrigRights

more later but that was a kind post. I have cranked up the heating. Also… I have eaten really well today, and proper warming food like soup, and two large bowls porridge and lots of it(even crisps which I can’t remember last time I had) and it’s surprising - I feel really relaxed. No work today, and a very very different day to my usual work, single parents, constantly on the move.

and you know what… the world hasn’t stopped turning!

Enjoy your evenings