teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

I know what you mean myrtle I think we all feel like that, if I thought getting dd a dog/cat/lizard would make any difference I would do it!!

Valley how many calories are you getting into your dd now? Can you sneak any more in?

I have just sent an email to dds school saying that unless they can guarantee food supervision when dd does go back she won't be going back..... dd will hate me for it but its got to be done.

I now have the meal plan from the dietitian, its approx double what dd is currently eating so that will go down like a sack of shit as well.

DD1 is making progress. Her potassium has been stopped and her phosphate halved. Weight up to 38.94 kg today. The Consultant was great - trying to sort constipation, which he thinks may be accounting for some of the rapid weight gain. The lovely play team lady has jazzed up her eating plan by adding Go Jetters to her plan and giving pictures of the food.

DD1 is allowed a home visit from 1-7 ish today, so having afternoon snack and dinner (supper) at home.

I found a great weight for height calculator app APK online, so I can quickly see how her WFH is progressing.

@Valleyofthedollymix my DD has been told should would have been in hospital if there was room.... is she doing secret exercise...my DD was hence last week no gain... fingers crossed for tomorrow am’s weigh in.
@Girliefriendlikespuppies I am in a school dilemma too. I am thinking about bringing DD home for lunch (which she is more comfortable with) but still need snack supervision and break time supervision to avoid exercise. I need to have those conversations too.
@myrtleWilson I hate dogs so the fact that I am even considering it too shows my desperation....
@lougle hope the visit is going ok...
Trying to persuade DD to ditch her football session after school today in favour of an on line indoor work out which is being out on by her hockey club. She was going to go for it at lunch. But now is too worried the hockey session will not be intense enough.
I know I need to challenge this as once she is back in school she will have to switch her exercise around, but I am not sure I can face it today. Need to speak to CAMHS about how soon to push such things. Only just got the ‘no exercise alone’ rule established.
So now that is me freezing my ass off in a field for 90 minutes in a bit..... not looking forward to that at all....

I don't think DD is doing secret exercise. To be honest, she tends towards the lazy other than playing football in a team. Our house is old and creaky so any secret exercise would have to be very low energy and I'm only letting her out of the house for 15 minutes. I just think teens need an awful lot of calories and she's always been thin (even when she appeared to eat everything) so might be naturally in need of more calories.

Because of wanting 'healthy' food is hard to create the bulk of calories that she needs, despite trying to shoehorn fat into everything. For example I always roast chickpeas in loads of oil now. I don't do exact calorie counts but I always try to make sure that she is having at very least 500 calories per meal (and more with the desserts at lunch and supper) and then 3x 150-300 calorie snacks. I wish I could do the six-oreo smoothie though...

Lots did Camhs not say no to all exercise? That's was one of the first things they told us, in theory dd is only meant to do one gentle walk a day... her heart rate was terrible though at that point.

Valley if you want to give me an idea of what your dd is eating on a typical day and I'll see if I can think of any ways of adding calories!

My dd wanted beans on toast for dinner which isn't something I'd normally agree to but as it's her bday eve I said yes. However it was two thick slices of toast, plenty of butter, 90% of a whole tin of beans with added butter melted in and had grated cheese on. I'm pretty rubbish at calorie counting but I'd guesstimate;
Toast x 2 with butter 300 calories
The beans with butter in 300 calories ish
Cheese 150 calories

Does that sound about right?

We had rice pudding for pudding which she also did okay with. She is bugger for running out of the room with her plate/bowl before I get chance to check it though 😕

Thanks girlie. I think I'm falling down in the extra calorie-stuffing bits of butter etc and in the snacks. I keep a food diary so I should be able to look back and see where we need to add.

Yesterday's food was:
Muesli and milk, 2 toast with jam and scant butter, bowl of raspberries.

Apple with tb peanut butter.

Bowl made with 1/4 tin of chickpeas roasted in oil and maple syrup, tomatoes, about 6 or 7 slices mozzarella, half an avocado with tahini dressing. Refused the seeds on top sadly.
Yoghurt.

Banana and fruit smoothie full fat free yoghurt (Tim's Dairy btw from Waitrose is v delicious and highly calorific).

Buttered rice, pak choi, a Vietnamese fried pork dish but made with plant protein in her case.
Chocolate mousse

Pitta bread with jam and butter and an aptimil.

It's following her plan except I don't think we manage 200 calories for the morning and afternoon snack, and the bedtime snack is supposed to be 200ml of milk rather than an aptimal.

Honestly all I do is plan, buy, prepare and push food... If she were in hospital they'd be aiming for 1kg a week. How?

DD1 is home 😁 I have to go back to the hospital later to collect medicines for her. On Thursday we have to go back for bloods and a Consultant appointment, but they decided she can do that as an outpatient.

@Valleyofthedollymix

I've just made a profile for her on My Fitness Pal so I can track her intake accurately.

@Valleyofthedollymix does your DD like the Mrs Crimbles range? Those are all 200 ish calories each.

That's so sweet of you Lougle! Though think you might have enough on your plate (no pun intended - I had no idea how many food idioms there were until I got a daughter with anorexia). I see that Mrs Crimble makes a vegan macaroon. DD has mistaken belief that vegan food somehow healthier.

Day 1 at home (after breakfast) done. 3 meals, 3 snacks, 1680 calories in. We had a few tricky moments, but DD1 was sensible in the end. She asked for a Fortijuice top up after dinner instead of pudding because she felt too full. That's a win because she hates the Fortisip and the Calogen Extra Shots.

Hi all, great that your dd is home Lougle and that she's eating okay.

Your meal plan looks pretty good - better than my dds atm valley! I'm sure you do already but with cereal I'd use full fat milk mixed with double cream. You probably need to tackle some fear foods ie cake, crisps, chocolate etc at some point to ramp the calories up. Although I'm a fine one to talk as still struggling with that dd!!

It's my dds 15th bday today and she's actually had a lovely day ☺️ not eaten anymore than usual but had a good, happy day. It's actually been like having my dd back home for a bit 😔 she's been relaxed and chatty all day and even spent some quality time with her Grandma learning to knit.

I'm sure normal service will resume tomorrow 😒

Happy Birthday miniGirlie - am so glad you all had a good day - jumping on the more relaxed moments gives so much in terms of rejuvenated energy that we all need..

lougle am THRILLED that Dd is home - so pleased for you both. 1680 is great going.

valley that diet plan sounds perfect - my DD has restricted so many food types that your plan feels a million miles away (thats not a top trumps moment at all by the way) - She said the other day that when she saw me and her Dad eating linguine bolognese that she did have a pang of sadness. It will be a long way off before she eats that again (she has a rule about carbs as a main meal and carbs mixed with other stuff) but the pang of recognition gives me some hope for the future....

Happy birthday missgirlie. I hope today continues to be positive.

I need to have a little rant about diet plans and consistency. At the hospital, DD1's plan was phrased in terms of 'serving spoons'. But nobody seems to agree on what a serving spoon is. When I dish up at home, I use a big spoon like in the first picture (spoon on its own). But DH and I would have 1½-2 of those spoonfuls for our carb, same for protein, probably 1 for veg. So I can't see the diet plan meaning that DD1 has to have those, because she's on a 1500 calorie plan at the moment.

So, I went on to Amazon and ordered a 'serving spoon'. It came and it is the right hand spoon on my second picture. About double the size of a tablespoon.

But nobody can seem to clarify what a 'serving spoon' is - they all have different opinions, so how can I decide if I'm giving DD1 the right amount? That's why I've switched to calories. The poor kid thinks she's going to pop.

Also, DD1 was booked for a dietician appointment today, but I don't know if that still stands. I've tried calling and emailing. I also have no idea when her next blood test is due after Thursday's appointment at the hospital, which is a problem because the surgery get really booked up.

Good luck Lougle with dd being at home. I'm sure it's stressful in its own way but such a great step. As to serving spoons - I've just googled as am as confuzzled as you are. I'd go for a heaped tablespoon or so. Or maybe measure in terms of calories for a few days until you feel more confident eyeballing it.

Happy birthday @Girliefriendlikespuppies girl! Hope that delicious puppy gave her lots of love.

Yes to all, DD's diet seems great and really wide ranging. I'd love it if someone would serve me up such a varied, home cooked etc diet! But I think Girlie has us rumbled at first sight - I don't mix whole milk with cream for the cereal - so much worse, she has bloody plant milk (coconut, almond etc). She just made a fuss at the beginning and I didn't want it to get in the way of the muesli or granola. So that's got to be the next thing to improve - first ss milk, then whole milk and then added cream.

Lougle I would think a serving spoon would be the first pic tbh, I would try to trust your instincts in terms of how much your dd should be eating which I know is easier said than done!!

Valley personally I imagine the battle between ss and ff milk will actually be similar so you might as well go straight in with the ff mixed with cream. Do you keep your dd out of the kitchen when you're preparing the food?

I'm gearing myself up for tomorrow's appointment with the dietician, its going to be www 3 here for a while after that 😫

Something has to change, dd mentally and physically is starting to really struggle so I'm trying to psyche myself up as much as I can!!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I hope the dietician can be sensitive.

I've spoken to the dietician. It's a kitchen spoon but they've said that actually, calories are easier for them, they just say spoons to make it easier for the parents. So I'll stick to My Fitness Pal and calories.

I go for cals here and weigh everything! Glad you got it sorted @Lougle hope all the other appointments pan out...
Massive meltdown here this morning after I would not let DD walk alone. So I went with her for the hour and she slowed down a bit so I had a chance to keep up....I am blooming knackered and my Fitbit says I have burnt 400 cals even at this reduced level. The ED was very annoyed as she had walked less far than usual because I am an an ‘old unfit c*..’.
The meltdown culminated in her sat on the trampoline in the snow refusing to come in. So I had to risk life and pelvic floor and get on with her and finally managed to distracted her with taking close up shots of snowflakes landing on her sleeve...then she came in and was distraught. After a bit of tlc she logged on to maths as if nothing had happened.... it is so weird how it can flip on and off like a switch whilst I am completely drained by it.
I’d go straight to FF milk @Valleyofthedollymix just have the one almighty battle rather than 2!
My mum is over now doing afternoon lessons so I have managed a shower for the first time in a while (slob) and a cuppa in peace. Bliss.
400g weight gain this week. DD is hitting around 2900 to 3000 cals a day and still is only crawling her way up the weight.... just shows how much energy exercise needs.... wish we had been advised to cut it all out but we weren’t and now I am stuck trying to peg it back but that is tough as it is a CAMHS approved plan...albeit the activities DD is doing are hardly in the ‘spirit’ of the plan...The ED won’t take that though.

Absolutely dreading half term..... she will get bored and want to do stuff...it’s like caging a tiger...

Luckily for me, DD1 is very flat and just wants to lie in bed. She's normally into everything (she broke her hand when she was younger and despite the cast, she tried to climb up a slide backwards with roller boots on!), so although this is so out of character for her, it's quite helpful.

Fml the dietician is off sick 😫 I'm gearing myself up to try and instigate the meal plan myself, even though it wasn't exactly as I wanted it. I cant let dd continue as she is, she's getting worse by the day.

She is really flagging at the moment, she is struggling on her walks and to concentrate on her school stuff.

We're planning a spa type evening tonight so will wait til after that (when hopefully she might be in a good mood) to tell her what's happening from tomorrow

How many calories units are you trying to work to, @Girliefriendlikespuppies? Do you have an eating plan that you can refer to? I've got a 1000 and 1500 plan if that helps. She may already be on more than that, though.

Thanks Lougle I think it would be closer to 3000 calories as it's a weight gain plan. The dietician had sent me one through although I had wanted a few minor adjustments to be made to it but I think I'll just go with that one. It's pretty much what we were doing when I first started refeeding last summer.

I think there's going to be a lot more resistance this time though....

Those of you doing 3 meals and 3 snacks do you eat the same as your child? I found this hard last time as I obviously don't need 3000 calories a day but want to encourage dd!!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies we all eat the same meals but I dish more up for her than me. But I am blessed with 2 older teenage sons who eat as much meal as her so that helps....
Her snacks are solo affairs. She accepts that I do not need snacks! Her brothers eat snack but they are grazers so are in and out of cupboards/ the fridge all day and she accepts that too...
We have a 3000 cal a day meal plan I could send you if you wanted...

Lots thanks it would be interesting to compare it to mine, I'll pm you.