teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

She went to milkshake shop! Sadly had a children's size but 8floz of Oreo milkshake is not nothing... and opting for the little one means she still has to have dessert.

God I hate how petty this illness makes me.

That's great news @Valleyofthedollymix!

DD1 called me to the bathroom tonight. She has finally started pooing (movicol and senna) but it's quite a pale clay colour. So I'll need to tell the Paediatrician tomorrow.

We're plodding on, dd refused all snacks but did manage her multivitamin today which is no small feat!

That's great re the milkshake valley and that things are moving Lougle!

Half a wrap for lunch, no pudding and no tea at all but ate breakfast and snacks. Refused vitamin.

So bloody done with this. Fed up with being a verbal punch bag too.

Really sorry @Scr1bblyGum, it is so relentless.

@Lougle I now have image of pale clay imprinted on my brain!

The milkshake was a Pyrrhic victory because it resulted in lots of wailing about dessert and end-of-day snacks. She even said she'd die if her thighs ever met. Generally I feel under the cosh because of the school thing. Her weight has gone up 700g which sounds amazing until you factor in the 500g loss last week...

It's so sad that these messages have got through to young women.

Well dd just ate a mouthful of her snack and then shot off to the bathroom I have never suspected any purging but I wonder if she is somehow pouching in her cheeks?

It doesn't really feel like a victory tbh.

I hear you valley and Scribbly I feel petty and like a verbal punch bag as well. I am trying to hold onto the small wins but I still feel like I am loosing my mind at times, lockdown is not helping.

The whole thin is better culture is everywhere, it's almost impossible to escape it. I know when I was younger I felt like being thin was an achievement and it didn't matter if I was shit at everything else as long as I was good at being thin That said I never deliberately starved myself and have always been too lazy to worry about exercise, I also had a good friend who was anorexic when we were 17/18yo and seeing what she went through terrified me. I think I was also able to see that although my body may not have been perfect it was o.kay and I felt o.kay about it. I have stayed a size 12 pretty much my entire adult life and never dieted. I think one of the things I feel disappointed about is that I really tried to be body positive around dd but in the end it made no difference.

What I find weird (well one of the things I find weird) about Eds is the price that they are willing to pay to be under weight, my dd seemingly would be willing to pay almost any price as long as she didn't have to eat or gain any weight.

Another thing that confuses me is if dd is (as she says) feeling terrible/suicidal why wouldn't you just eat as surely you are already feeling the worst its possible to feel so what is there to lose??

Sorry for my ramblings, it helps to put them down I think!!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I just keep reminding myself that while they're in starvation mode their thinking defies all logic. I keep trying to work out what is the way we're getting to encourage her - carrots or sticks - but then it changes every day and with every food so it's all pointless speculation.

And please don't think anything you've said or done has caused this. My mother was always on at me about my (perfectly normal) weight and once even said 'anorexia would do you no harm'. And yet I didn't develop an ED.

I had hoped that the super skinny body type was going out of fashion due to the rise of different ethnic standards of beauty. Unfortunately DD says not. Bloody tiktok.

Dd was vile in FT, just awful.I cried. Not my finest parenting hour.

@Scr1bblyGum you're human. If your DD was vile, it's no wonder you cried. You're just a person. We all are. It hurts and you shouldn't have to hide that, imo

Yeah I know valley it's just hard to accept there's no logic to it!!

Rest of the day has been okay, weigh day tomorrow so that will be interesting 😕

Hope you're okay Scribbly I've cried more in the last 9 months than in any other time of my life I think 💐

Watched the whole series of White House Farm tonight, thank God for Netflix!!

Oh and on the fb page there's a lot of talk about the healing powers of zinc, apparently taking 40mg a day works as well as an antidepressant. Dd has taken her multivitamin again today but I might buy some additional zinc tablets as well.

I also saw something earlier valley that made me think of your dd, apparently anorexia is more common in girls that naturally have a low weight compared to height.

Which multi vitamin are you using Girlie?

My dd is supposed to be taking the soluble Forceval but is refusing as makes her feel sick.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that's interesting about low weight girls being prone to anorexia. DH's niece developed it in her 20s and was always extremely tall and slim, model-like. It was her 'thing', being the thin one. They've also got less to spare. I thin DD only probably lost about 5kg in total over 6 months but it tipped her from a healthy weight to dangerously underweight.

I suspect, too, that they're more likely to be diagnosed. I'm not sure that DD's is on the severe end given how much we've managed to get her to eat (fingers crossed, not complacent), while a girl with a higher natural weight might go a lot longer without it triggering alarms.

Yes, v interesting re the already-low weight - dd2 was like a whippet to begin with thanks to constant dance and running. It didn't take long for her to be visibly worryingly thin.

Thanks for the zinc tip too - she's been taking vit D as an anti-covid thing but I'll look for one with added zinc.

The tears I've cried over the last 2 years could fill a small lake! I felt bad about it at first, but then I was too tired to care. We're humans, we have emotions.

Scribbly we're taking the Boots A-Z tablets, dd has always been weirdly good at taking tablets so swallowing them is fine. Have just seen another post on the fb page that said don't take more zinc than recommended without the say so of a dr so 🤷‍♀️

Yes that sort of makes sense valley,** my D (according to the dietician) has sat nicely on the 75th weight and 75th height line her whole life which sounds about right. She's now 75th for height and around 25th for weight so needs to gain a lot to get back on track 😕

DD1 totally refused breakfast this morning and she's lost 700g this week despite me exceeding her eating plan and giving (average) 1700 calories instead of the 1500 that was in the plan. The paed said that he had decided to readmit her when he saw the weight loss, but because I've done my best with the plan, he decided not to. He warned DD1 that she's a hair's breadth from readmission to hospital and that she has to play the game.

The plan has gone up to 2000 calories now, but they've said that healthy eating is completely out the window and they consider it to be 'life-saving calories' so however we can get it into her (smoothies, Fortijuice, cake, biscuits, etc.) is irrelevant.

She was vile this morning, hitting and kicking furniture, etc. Just exhausting.

Really sorry @lougle. It sounds tough. I don't think you've 'failed' in any way since the amount of calories that teens need is enormous. I'm thinking mine needs 2000-2500 just to maintain and then more than that to gain.

And absolutely don't worry about healthy eating. DD's always on about things having too much sugar/fat etc and I just point out that all food is healthy for her at the moment and generally all food is healthy in a balanced diet.

Yes just echoing what valley said Lougle, you def not failed and weight gain ime is not a straight line. Healthy eating atm for all our kids is high calorie/high fat, I've started adding avocado oil to food as 15mls is 100 calories.

It might be working as my dd has gained weight somehow, today's weight was 53.6kg which is the most she's weighed since this started last summer!! I'm pleased although cautious, dd also reckons she knows her weight as saw the lady write it in her book 😕 I'm not sure if she did or not but she's certainly been in a weird mood ever since... will see how dinner goes tonight.

They also said she has grown half an inch so I imagine the weight for height will remain the same.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that is brilliant news! So pleased to hear that - a bad number on the scales feels like a cloud, but such weight restoration is the sun coming out.

I feel ambivalent about sneaking oil/fats into food because I worry that if I do then going forward DD might think foods that aren't fattening are, if you see what I mean? Does that make sense? I don't want her to think, well if I eat soup for lunch I put on weight (because it's got cream in or whatever), I want her to think I put on weight because I'm eating three large meals and three snacks every day and therefore at some point when I'm healthy I can reduce if necessary. But what's the research or advice on this?

Wow Girlie that’s fantastic news.

Girlie that's amazing! My DD has to get to just over that weight and it seems miles away. Well done you!

Valley my understanding is that the most important thing is the weight gain and the hidden fats make that easier? In a way it's kinder for dd not to know so she can't beat herself up over it 😕

I've got a weird feeling that dd thinks she's either the same weight or less than she was as she's been in a good mood and ate dinner/pudding as normal...

Just checking in - apologies if I miss anyone

lougle - it is tough keeping them out of hospital, I appreciate your DD particularly struggled in hospital, but for me the one upside was the authority the nursing staff had over DD compared to me. That said, we fought to keep DD out of hospital & did re-feeding at home over Christmas because we knew it was the best option. I hope the Dr's stern words land with your DD.

girlie - great news on weight front, really pleased for you!

Scr1bbly - how are you doing now after time has settled a bit on FT? It is so hard to not feel the force of their words or emotions, even when you know its the ED talking, not them. Do you have any support from a behavioural/mood team (called IHT here) - they've worked with my DD on a stay safe plan which is about vocalising stages of anger - but really noticing what changes are happening in body/mind as she progresses through green/amber/red. So for example, in amber she feels like something is on her back and shrugs/twists her shoulders. You can then match a counter balancing behaviour to elements of the stay safe. So when the shoulder twisting happens, via the plan we know to try x, y, z -so perhaps holding her hands to create a different sensory focus....

valley - adding hidden calories to DD's diet hasn't been right for us. Her mood plunges with a weight gain and we run the risk of severely restricted eating. At the moment we're holding steady for a period of weight maintenance. So if she gained weight when she thought she was on 1800 but actually we'd bumped up to 2200 would be really bad news for her mindset and probably our relationship too. Plus as her birthday looms we're conscious we have to acknowledge she will be an adult soon and we have to work towards her taking on more direction regarding her eating.

And to that end, CPA went okay today. CAMHS have agreed to push adult EDT to accept her - as we suspected and going against what we were told previously, adults are applying a BMI criteria threshold. CAMHS view is that DD severity and risk overall outweigh a BMI higher than threshold and are trying to convince AEDT to accept. CAMHS have also said that if there is no suitable transition for DD, they'll keep care of her (no idea on timeline for that one). So for the next few weeks they've reverted back to original care plan (2 x meal support, 1x individual, 1 x family and 3x IHT per week) rather than the very scaled back one they proposed last week. They also indicated that they think she'll need pretty noticeable levels of intervention for another year at least (am not trying to think about that at the moment)

Not their fault as individuals (although comms not the best) but a system under incredible pressure. Will wait to see what happens next but we've made contact with Orri (a private eating disorder service) which a PP linked up thread and could pursue that as an option.

PHEW!