teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

I'm sorry you're going through this I'm not sure if you know but there is an eating disorders section under health you may find some other people going through what you are on there?

for some reason I had not seen that subthread - thank you @troppibambini - @mnhq - could you move this to there please?

Oh I'll have to some over and see you on there @myrtleWilson - I've been looking at a referral for my DD17 but not sure what way to go as she has elements of body dysmorphia too.

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Eating Disorders topic, as requested.

It's very hard and my heart goes out to you all. We have been on the edge of sectioning multiple times (not just for eating) and I cannot see this ending but I'm lucky to have support both personal and professional.

I have a teenage daughter who is about to start university. She is eating less and less and is losing weight. I've tried to discuss this tactfully with her but she denies that anything is wrong. She'll only eat when I make her food and watch her eat it. I'm terrified that this blows into full blown anorexia as soon as she leaves home. Have any of you been in this situation and if so, what did you do? x

My DD has anxiety and is a very reluctant eater. She’s never had a big appetite and she never really enjoys food. She wants to go to uni next year but like pp I am worried it will spiral out of control.

Thanks for moving the thread @MNHQ

So - our story... DD has had a long term eating disorder (or probably more accurately disordered eating) until this summer where it has accelerated considerably - at her lowest point she was eating around 400 calories a day. She was hospitalised in August due to fears about 're-feeding syndrome' (which I never knew existed). She was in hospital for a couple of weeks and now has been home for about 10 days - under CAMHS with an eating plan (that she's only at about 40% compliance) and therapy starting soon.

Am finding it a very steep learning curve so very keen to speak with others and share each others burdens....

@clopper @DishingOutDone our daughters are the same age (yr13?) I think mine has decided not to go to University next year (she may apply for deferral or just focus on being well/A-levels and apply with grades in hand) our focus is entirely on removing as many elements of anxiety in her life as possible and UCAS seems to me to be a considerable potential.

@angleseyllama I'm not qualified to give advice but the information we've had from CAMHS suggests to encourage 'distraction' around eating - so watching Netflix but also to not drag out a meal but start each meal afresh if that makes sense?

Dd1 (16) was signed off by YPEDS back in February, and has been doing so well ever since - but she started 6th form this week and her eating has been erratic again, so I'm hoping it's just a blip

Her sister (15) lost a lot of weight during the first half of the year and I've been very worried but she is eating well at the moment - I think the threat of having to give up dancing and running if she didn't start putting some of it back on might have helped, but it's too early to tell

Will lurk in case I'm able to help, and wish anyone going through this the very best It really is hell

How long was she under YPEDS if you don't mind me asking @TheySeeHerRowling?

Hell is a very good description....

@minnieok that all sounds so tough to deal with - am so pleased you're able to draw upon support

About a year myrtleWilson

She has Asperger's so it's very difficult for her to change her habits and behaviours - or her thinking around them - but eventually her therapist (who was terrific) struck a chord with her and she turned the corner

I cross-posted with your longer post, so I want to wish you all the luck, and I hope your dd's hospital stay makes all the difference to her

Am just going through the start of this with dd14, she went from having a great appetite to just stopping eating about three weeks into lockdown. She doesn't speak, cries lots, wears huge baggy hoodies with multiple layers no matter the weather.

Meal times result in lots of tears and shes down to about 600kcals a day with a 30pound weightloss since May. Starting to get quite worrying, shes been referred to camhs and they are referring to the eating disorder specialist. Not sure what to expect next really, any advice on what comes next?

So sorry to hear about your DD @princesrules - we did CAMHS backwards... Our GP saw DD and made urgent referral to CAMHS - they saw her within 24hrs and on the spot made a hospitalisation decision. That was awesome and much needed but it has meant that after discharge we've had a 2 week wait to be formally accepted by CAMHS which is understandable but has been difficult to cope with as we feel we're not the experts DD needs.

I would expect that CAMHS will start their diagnostic process (physical observations, history etc) and then have a MDT to decide whether they're the best team to support your DD. When was she referred?

My DD is desperate to eat more and put on weight as she hates her slim build but she just has no stamina to eat. We found protein shakes and smoothies a good way to go when she couldn’t face a meal.

I think she has some sort of body dysmorphia and hates certain aspects of her body such as her small upper lip and high forehead as well as her general slimness. She was very badly bullied and socially excluded in year 11 at her girls grammar school and this has had lasting effects despite a year ( well half a year ) of college.

I think all her anxieties about people looking at her and judging her are reflected in her eating. It’s so difficult to manage this as a parent. I don’t want to make it the focus of our home life but it is awful to see her losing weight and confidence again.

We did see a teen counsellor privately at the end of year 11 which helped a little. She also suggested distracting techniques whilst eating. We try to eat what she likes as then she has a chance of eating something, even if it is a bit rubbishy and carb heavy. We found let her eating off a smaller plate and putting out her own portions was helpful. At least it was some food rather than none on her own terms.

@myrtleWilson thats great that you managed to get some immediate support/intervention. She was referred a month ago but the referral apparently never reached them and was lost so they have pushed it through as urgent, unfortunately our camhs isn't seeing anyone face to face at the moment so she has had a telephone assessment which has gone to the mdt and we had a call last Wednesday to say that she had been accepted into camhs and would be referring onto the EDS but then the woman referring went sick at work so called today to say she would put the referral in tomorrow.

Can I ask on what basis they made the immediate decision to hospitalise your dd was it purely weight/bmi based decision?

We have also done the same as a previous poster and trying to pick meals she would normally like even if they are bit rubbishy as eating something is better than nothing

Hi @princesrules what a nightmare for you all... I hope you get some positive news soon...

With DD and hospitalisation - it was the scale of weight loss that was a concern rather than BMI itself. Their concern was around how her body was reacting - so electrolytes out of whack and the consequences of that if she ate too much (ironically the night before she was admitted we'd been out for dinner together and DD ate well - as it turned out that was a potential massive risk) Her electrolytes and heart rate were red flags and the worry was without controlled eating she could end up with organ failure/heart attack/coma etc....
I'd never heard of re-feeding syndrome and shudder to think how my ignorance could have hurt her...

Anorexia is frighteningly quick. I've found support through Anorexia Bulimia Care (ABC) a smaller charity than Beat but much more expert and you get to talk to either helpline advisers or parents who have been in the same position and can advise on recovery etc (link to helpline below) - as @myrtleWilson points out one minute you know nothing and next you need to become expert in a shocking array of symptoms and behaviours.

My DD17 is the other end of the scale with BED - binge eating disorder, and body dysmorphia. She went into school today, day 1 year 13, and was immediately stopped and told off about her dress - so of course, scrutiny of her appearance nearly tipped her over the edge so we've had lots of tears tonight but she is so brave getting reading to do it all again tomorrow.

She's been under CAMHS for 2 years and they have been worse than useless, I feel sick thinking about it. When I persuaded her to explain how she felt about herself to the psychiatrist, saying she hated her skin, her face, her eyes etc, the woman laughed and pointed at her saying well you have got spots, why don't you wear more make up. She's been refused referral to the Michael Rutter clinic (we are in the South East), she can't self refer at this age and when I spoke to someone at the Priory I just got the impression I was talking to a salesman (I was).

Longer term we will look for another therapist but DD wants to try to complete year 13 so I just take one day at a time. We do have a paediatrician and another charity support us, even a local authority support worker to help with school but CAMHS refused to deal with any of them, and our GP sided with CAMHS. I'm glad to see some of you have had good experiences of getting treatment quickly.

I agree that starting uni can exacerbate any anxiety/MH issues and a friend's daughter came back at Easter having lost a lot of weight. Sort of thing you could talk through with the advisers at ABC:

www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

(not on commission, just a fan)

I hadn't heard of refeeding syndrome before, what a massive shock and worry that will have been!

Mine is back in school tomorrow too and her anxiety is peaking as I'm sure many others are to. I dread anyone saying anything about her appearance and setting the ball rolling any further, she has previously had trouble with a group of girls, she is so quiet and doesn't stand up for herself so becomes an easy target for bullies.

How do others manage food intake when they are at school, do you trust that they will eat something, or does dinner just get missed out completely, am worried that we will now just be dropping to a small evening meal/snack a day x

Thanks Dish for that link - I'll take a look. For those that are further down the therapy route than me - does anyone have any experience of what actually happens in Family Therapy?

princesrules With dd1 we had weekly meetings with a YPEDS counsellor - a weigh-in and then just talk about what was happening and why

We were given a diet sheet with a very prescriptive diet to follow (actually dd1 liked this as she found not having to make decisions any more relaxing - although it didn't stop her trying to argue the snacks down etc at first )

Sessions went down to fortnightly when weight gain began, or went back to weekly if weight was lost (this was a rollercoaster for months but finally we kept to the fortnightly plan from about 6months in)

PP's recommendations about making meal times informal and introducing distractions eg TV were also part of the advice we were given

I hope your dd gets the help she needs quickly (for everyone on this thread)

Have worried myself sick googling refeeding syndrome, as worried for dd2, whose weight is still within the 'healthy' BMI for her age (on the lowest end, though) but who has lost at least a stone, probably more, since lockdown began

Weirdly though she has eaten 3 meals a day throughout - in her case, she was over-exercising in compensation - so I'm hoping, from what I've read, that she isn't particularly vulnerable to this

Lockdown was a weird kind of blessing here, because I'm sure she would have been skipping lunch at school - I'd be worried today, but her friends are alarmed by the weight loss and have promised to ensure that she eats at break and lunch, bless them

Oh - I'm sorry if I've worried you theysee DD had both severely restricted eating and over exercising so I wonder whether thats what made her more vulnerable. As it happened, her bio chemistry righted itself relatively quickly in hospital but I suspect its fallen away again now she's not even managing 40% compliance with her meal plan.

If it helps I can share the symptoms that I think were causing concern re - refeeding and led to her admission? But I don't want to pile on more worry either!