@myrtleWilson yes, the balance is so tricky. I think if I'd said 'actually, please admit', the paed would have done. He actually said to me that he has a colleague across the country who won't admit for less than 3 weeks. I think he was giving me permission to say 'this is too hard'.
On that note, this is so hard!! DD1 refused breakfast, then missed snack because of her hospital appointment. Then at the appointment, the dietician said we had to add 500 calories per day, minimum, to get adequate weight gain.
So this afternoon DD1 had a smoothie for snack (330 calories). Dinner came (6.15 ish) and she had shepherd's pie, which DH had to feed her to get it eaten, then pancakes which she wolfed down.
9.30 came and I thought that she really should have her evening snack. She needed 362 calories, so I offered yoghurt and either a glass of milk or Fortijuice. She said she was still full from pudding. I said 'Shame, but it's on the plan'. She started to refuse, but I told her I'd be phoning the hospital. She had the yoghurt. Then I gave her Fortijuice and she said that she couldn't have it, she'd be sick. We've heard it all before, tbh, so I persevered. After one mouthful, she took the next but refused to swallow it, looking for something to spit into. I told her that I'd have to measure the amount and give her something else. She promptly vomited. All over the dining room table, DH's tablet, uncontrollably sick.
The poor girl had been telling the truth and she really did feel sick. I felt awful for pushing it, and guilty that I couldn't help seeing all the calories that were wasted 
. How stupid is that? I'm thinking 'oh no, poor DD1...oh no, that's pancake, so all those calories are gone...'
It's all just nuts when I look back at my early posts on this thread.