Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Another, I do hope you can take some comfort from the posts above. What struck me more than anything is the fact you did write a post and you have approached a councillor because you care. You are doing your best to help your daughter, that says a lot. You don't sound like a bad mum at all.x

How is everyone else doing?x

Just wanted to say thank-you for the kind words. I have actually booked in for some counselling for myself, I am way too aware of my daughters' weights/food and I'm hoping it will give me strategies to overcome this.

I think my problem is that I want to sort out all their problems and not go through any of the stresses I had. So if they struggle with work I search out the best books etc. If their skin suffers I'm quick with the lotions, potions and dermatologists. If they complain about their weight I book gyms and make healthy food. Now that DD is struggling with body image/food I'm reading books, suggesting counsellors and googling obsessively for dresses she will feel fabulous in. I think I'm being too practical and controlling whereas they'd probably just appreciate a listening ear and a hug.

Anyway reading all your wise words has really helped.

Another counselling sounds like a great idea - it sounds like you have an excellent level of self-awareness, which will stand you both in good stead. My DCs are only little but I can imagine it's difficult to loosen the reins once they're older - hopefully your DD is able to talk to you and give you a steer on how much help she needs from you. Has she ever mentioned that she'd like to deal with things on her own?

It's hard for me to comment as I don't have the closest relationship with my own DM, but I'm sure the counsellor will be able to guide you as well...

Margo - a toddler-friendly fancy dress disco!? I didn't know such a thing existed but it sounds like a riot! My two would love that - they choose their own clothes now and almost exclusively dress up as superheroes / pirates / ghosts etc. (We get very funny looks in Tescos). Hope it was fun though!? I'm working for most of this week, but will try to take most of Thurs & Friday off to take DS1 to sports camp.

But I hate to think of you crying on the tube! Is it just a time of the month thing, do you think? I think I'm in a similar place re. feeling overwhelmed. I've recently started carrying around a little notebook to download any nagging to-dos / anxieties down, and I do think it makes a difference.

Fighting, how are things with you - have you settled on the right medication balance for you?

I've also been back to my GP and started on a low dose of Citalopram which I'm hoping will help generally - I haven't had any side effects so far, thank goodness.

And I had another session with my ED therapist yesterday which was really good, I'm feeling quite positive about things as a result. The only anxiety was that she keeps trying to weigh me to make sure that I'm not losing too much weight. I've assured her that I'm not but I know she wanted to write down a number.

My homework was to make sure I work my 'forbidden' foods into my meal plan on a daily basis, so I don't feel any deprivation whatsoever. I need to work out how to do that in a controlled way, but it still feels like a strange thing to do.

another counselling sounds good. You sound lovely. It must had not to be overly involved when you love your kids & want to do the best for them. You sound like my DM (and me!), but actually it has often helped and more than not. And I do mainly appreicate her help and advice - I know it comes for wanting the best for me.

Stay with us if it helps. Thinking of your & your DD.

Disco was great Maggie. DS & his mate enjoyed too, as did the little ones.

Crying on the tube - it isn't ideal...but you know what, I think I need to give myself permission to get upset & to just go with it. I think so many of the messages I have been given throughout life are about not expressing how I truly feel/not making a fuss or scene...

I recall a friend of mine telling me not to cry at the pub when I'd been dumped once. I do cry more than the average person, but that is just me and actually that is fine. It doesn't stop me from living a 'normal' life and it means I have lots of empathy. The PMS didn't help, but actually it is just part of me.

Well done for trying the meds Maggie, it is worth a go. I had no side effects on Fluxetine (sp) for PND and it really helped. Hope they help you.

ED therapy sounds good. Good luck with the forbidden stuff, I can understand how difficult that might be, esp getting a balance.

Can she weigh you and you not see? Although you would hope she could avoid it if it really makes you uncomfortable? There seems to be a fixation on numbers in the NHS!

I am going to give the scales a break. I am finding it far too triggering & diet like.

A small personal 'victory' today, I complained in a coffee shop about how the staff dealt with a disabled customer in a wheelchair. She clearly wasn't in a position to put the money on the counter but they just stood there looking at her, so I asked if she needed help and helped her. I am very scared of complaining - esp in person - thanks mainly to angry DF and my general need to avoid confrontation - so it felt like a big deal. I didn't do in front of the customer and obviously they should have asked if she wanted to help but I just couldn't believe they stood there looking at her.

How you going Jass, fighting and wish and any other lurkers?

marking place to (maybe, if I am brave enough) come back tomorrow...

Hi, just a quick check in. I had to up my meds again as I became rather irritable, especially with DCs. I tried and now I know so not all bad.

Maggie your post sounds very positive, lots of things going on to help yourself, well done. Are you feeling better for doing them?

Margo it sounds positive that you are allowing your emotions out. Hopefully you will feel the benefit from that, rather than holding it all in.

Great work helping the lady, I can imagine you were quite annoyed on her behalf. I do wonder what people are thinking when they are so unhelpful sometimes. Thinking of you on the train makes me want to give you a hug.

I may eventually get around to the blog posts soon . Wishing you all a good day tomorrow. x

Hi all, may I join you?
There is not another person in the world that knows I have BED, even typing the words is hard.
Food is the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thing before i go to sleep and almost every waking minute in between. I've been this way for years and can't even remember what triggered it....I just want to be free.

Yes first, please please do join us. The first thing I'd say is that lots of us have been exactly where you are now and have seen a way through to a much better place. Just judging from my experience, if you haven't ever talked to anyone about it you'll probably find it a huge relief to share what you're going through with people who understand it, from all angles.

Can you chat to us a bit about where you are now?

And hello wheel too - come back when you're ready!

Thank you IronMaggie
Just typing those words seems to have burst a huge dam inside me is the only way I can describe it....I am crying. I realise how lonely it's been not being able to tell anyone.

To the outside world I have nothing to complain about. I have a good job that I love, a loving partner, daughter, friends...my animals, hobbies etc. etc. but I also have this huge compulsion to eat and eat until I feel so uncomfortable , but still I will eat more.

I start each day in the same way...today I will eat 'normally', whatever 'normally' is. On a good day I last until about lunchtime, on a bad day I start binging in the car on the way to work.

I know logically that I am not hungry, that I will get fatter, that I may get ill but still I continue. Donuts, crisps, chocolate, sweets, pastries, cheese, ice cream...the list is endless.

Food consumes my every waking thought. Today is bad as I have woken feeling uncomfortable due to what I ate yesterday.

My partner laughs when he sees the chocolate wrappers in the car, what he doesn't know is how many I have already thrown away.

I'm sorry if I am rambling ......

Hello all! I was surprised to see a thread on this, but pleasantly so. I'm a compulsive eater at the moment - sadly. From 9-16 I had anorexia, and it nearly killed me. Then when I was forced to make a choice between hospital and intravenous feeding, or eat on my own initiative. I started eating, but it quickly escalated to overeating and bingeing, mainly on bread, as that was the only "Safe food" that didn't cause massive anxiety.

After 4 years of overeating, I became anorexic again through trying to lose weight, and finally got to a healthy weight (so not underweight, as I simply wasn't ill for long enough to lose that much). Then I had my heart broken at 21 and started overeating again.

Fast forward to age 26, I started SW and lost quite a lot of weight, and reached a healthy BMI. I thought I had finally reached a healthy relationship with my weight and with food, but then all of a sudden I stopped following the program whilst on holiday, gained loads of weight over 3 weeks and wasn't able to get back on track. By 27 I had regained everything, and kept gaining. Just overeating, comfort eating, compulsively eating, until I feel sick. In September last year I started trying 5:2, which I am still trying, because it makes sense to me scientifically, and seems doable. However I have to this day only completed 3 fasts, as I find it so hard to avoid bread (still my favourite and safe food), and eat too much cheese, chocolate, cookies, you name it.

I'm now roughly 76kg on my short 163cm, so definitely overweight. My goal is to be 59kg and have a healthy relationship with food.

What I am currently doing - and looking for support with - is based on lots of research in good ways of eating, that is also good in other ways, not just weight loss. I plan on sticking with it forever, as it currently feels doable with a bit more practice. Deep down I wish to be anorexic again, as I still feel that way in my head. I feel I live in an anorexic hell, overeating and being overweight, but seemingly unable to change. But I seem to have turned a corner.

I now try to have healthy meals and snack only on fruit. I don't forbid any food, as I know that will lead to bingeing eventually. I hope that my turn around to a more healthy lifestyle in general, will let me lose the weight I need to in order to be healthy and feel good.

So, I am not looking for anyone to preach about what I need to do :) I am simply looking for support through what I'm trying to do to make myself a healthy weight, get in touch with hunger feeling (and not fear it), and develop a healthier, more relaxed relationship with food. My plan has enough control that I won't binge every day (though expecting slip ups at times), but not so much that I will get anorexic again either. I am hoping this group will help me to reduce the binges, and make me feel less ashamed of myself, how I look and what I weigh.

If you have reached this point, you deserve a medal. But it kind of felt nice to write it all out.

Hope I'm okay to come join you all in this group :)

Welcome first and pidapie, lovely to have you here

first when you talk about eating 'normally', what exactly do you have in mind? And if you could identify what binges do or might be doing for you, what would you say?

pidapie I'm a bit confused about you following 5:2 when you say you have only completed 3 fasts since September? I understand your reasoning about the science behind 5:2 but it's also accepted wisdom that it is really unsuitable for anyone with a history of disordered eating...there's plenty of support here for your recovery from BED but I fear it won't be much use until you can let go of having a diet to follow . The reason being, most often, it is restriction that leads to binge, remove the first and (even though I know this is hard to accept for you), the latter will lessen.

pidapie are you getting any RL support at the moment?

Not getting any RL support I'm afraid, apart from my other half that is. The NHS therapy that is here is not offered to me due to having a complicated MH problem history with bipolar disorder, so it would be private or nothing. Being at home with my son means I have no money for that.

5:2 was something that got me thinking a slightly different way about food, in a positive way, but that's a different story altogether! 3 fasts meaning that it's pretty hard so hasn't worked for me :P I binge when I'm sad/stressed/angry/bored/rewarding myself.

Eating normally to me would be having 4 balanced meals per day (breakfast, lunch, dinner and then I have always grown up with a little snack before bed), and any snacks in between to be fruit or veg. But this is very hard, so I have a long road ahead of me until it feels natural to eat that way. I want to start listening to when I'm hungry - allow myself to feel hungry, and then eat. My brief time playing with 5:2 helped me to be okay with hunger more than I was before, so it's certainly given me a positive tool in that I don't need to eat just in case I might get hungry later, if that makes sense.

So yeah, I'm just trying to learn to eat normally really, and cut down on binges, though I will accept they still happen now and then. Just not every day!

I saw this on site stuff and wondered if anyone here would be interested? I don't know much about her, off to google now.

Hi sleepwhenidie 'normal' for me would include:

Eating when I'm hungry
Stopping when I'm full
Not obsessing about food nearly every minute of every day
Not feeling disgusted with myself for eating the sheer amount that I do
Not feeling so alone re food
Not eating to the point where I am physically very uncomfortable....and then eating some more
Not waking up thinking about food
Not going to sleep thinking about food
Feeling more healthy and like I am treating my body kindly

I realise that there is no such thing as 'normal' but I couldn't think of another word!

As for what binges are doing for me....I really don't know. I don't know why I do it, when or why it started.....I do it when I'm happy, sad, relaxed, agitated, bored....I can't think of a single trigger but it is an overwhelming compulsion.

I have just downloaded the book 'Overcoming binge eating' ....I guess that's a start

Hi first, I also spent a while trying to work out what precise emotional state I needed to be in for a binge to happen - for me it's the feeling of deprivation. (Personally I see this as being a primarily physiological response, but I'm sure that deprivation could be manifested in many ways).

This seems like quite a common scenario - I started bingeing after I went on a diet. I didn't recognise it as being a crash diet at the time, but I was eating far far less than I needed for several months. Clearly my brain responded to this by trying to take in as much food as it possibly could. And the more I binged, the more I tried to restrict what I ate to compensate, hence the vicious circle of BED.

Overcoming Binge Eating is a good place to start - I hope it resonates for you. At the same time, if you do find yourself thinking of dieting or restricting your intake in any way, I'd suggest that is almost certainly not going to help you either. While you work through it, try to eat food that you enjoy regularly. And just because I'm rubbish at it, I advocate getting lots of sleep too! Feeling full and well rested is a great antidote to urges to binge.

Let us know how you get on with the book as you work through it...

Thanks IronMaggie

It's taken many years but I have finally realised that dieting/restricting my intake doesn't work for me....I wish it was that simple!

Sleep is a bit of an issue as I have severe insomnia. I have just completed a 6 week course in Mindfulness though and some of the techniques I was taught are helping a little.

Did you read the book?

first can I ask what exactly you would eat for breakfast/lunch on days where you are trying to eat 'normally'?

If you are sure the binges aren't a result of restricting, then the next thing I would try is a 'conscious binge' whereby you give yourself permission to eat as much as you want. The 'rules' are that you must serve yourself a reasonable portion of your chosen food at a time, on a nice plate or bowl and sit, relax and eat slowly and mindfully. See what comes up emotionally, how much enjoyment you are getting (or not). Serve yourself as many portions as you like but try not to 'check out'. This may help you get a better handle on what is going on, hopefully you'll get more pleasure than usual and you may well find you eat less than with a normal binge. It's part of the process of letting go of restriction, not making a binge 'wrong', being curious and forgiving with it...

Hi sleepwhenidie...on days when I try to eat 'normally' it depends on my day as I work long hours, sometimes in the office and sometimes in the community or a mix of both. If I go in late or am off I sometimes try to have something like scrambled egg on toast, banana and yogurt, cereal and fruit, toast and marmalade, bacon sandwich (just one of those, not all of them!)

I sometimes make my breakfast when I get to work which will be cereal and/or toast.

I try to prepare lunch so will make a sandwich, bagel, salad, soup, jacket potato etc. Again, this is dependent on whether I will be at my desk or in the car.

I have tried to eat mindfully, I have a nice plate, I chew my food, I put my knife and fork down between mouthfuls...really focus.

Then in between all of the above I eat whatever I can lay my hands on

That's good first, I wonder if you notice any difference with regard to binges with different breakfasts for example...just trying to see if maybe there are particular foods that you react to more than others. A sugary breakfast, eg cereal and toast would be a laddie example of this, whereas a cheese omelette or scrambled eggs and smoked salmon might leave you feeling differently...

That's also great that you are already eating meals mindfully, but have you tried applying it to a binge?

Laddie = classic!

at Laddie.

To be honest I have never even thought of seeing if there is any connection to what I eat for breakfast.....you think it would be obvious wouldn't you?!

I've only ever kept a food diary in relation to trying to lose weight....maybe it's a good idea just to see if there is a pattern. Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it.

Hi ladies, welcome to the thread. I hope you find it as supportive as it has been for myself and others. Sleep has been invaluable to us with her gentle guidance and advice.

firstandlast how are you feeling now after a bit of time has passed? Do keep talking, it wasn't rambling at all. We're here to listen.

Margo are things getting any better for you? Thinking of you.x