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Binge Eating Disorder Support

999 replies

FightingBed2014 · 23/10/2014 16:41

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

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FightingBed2014 · 06/04/2015 16:33

When I wrote that there were no new postsBlush.

I am feeling good sleep, had a lovely weeknd with family. Just getting sorted for going home. The relief I feel from talking about how DM has been treating me over the years has been great.x

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sleepwhenidie · 06/04/2015 19:33

It must be lovely to feel really 'seen' and understood Fighting, I'm so happy for you Flowers

FightingBed2014 · 06/04/2015 20:41

Yes sleep it has been lovely.

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jassS · 06/04/2015 21:12

Sleep, thanks fo rkind words. I am now facing another hurdle - my doc thinks my immune therapy to avoid mc might work better if i gave up sugar and gluten, and even fruit in first trimester in case i fall pg. I hope I can do it while retaining no restrictions mentality, i.e. eat as much as I want, even if I can not eat all I want. Luckily I have not my cycle back yet, so can wean from sugar and wheat over a couple of weeks, not give up at once. This is going to be tricky, as restrictions always mean a binge. shall see how things go.

Running, unfortunately I think you need to give up on restricting, seriously. We all know this feeling that we cannot give in to triggers, as they will only lead to binge which then will lead back to resteictions. Trouble is, you really need to go off restrictions to get off binge/diet cycle. The only way to better relations with food goes through removing restrictions, which I admit is scary thing to do. Take your time to prepare for the plunge, do not do it before you are ready, all we can do is tell that without restrictions, even if weight fluctuates short term, long term there is not much of a gain from removing restrictions. true, there is not much loss neither, but stability is all you need - being at normal weight, as I understood. I am like you - was really afraid of letting go, but finally realised I have dietd myself from low normal to high normal weight over 20 years, so diets are not an answer to my prob. Every diet ends in binge. it is absolutely sure. And then weight gets regained and the yo-yo continues slowly upwards. I also have overexercised a lot to compensate fo rmy binges, am trying to limit that as well. Am down from running 40-60 km per week to never exceeding 35. Limiting long distance to half marathon, never training for marathon anymore. And also making sure I do not run more than two half marathons in one season. I feel I need to kill this obsessive behaviour as well, even if still want to keep running. Also, am varying with roller skates/bike as well, which I previously did not do as running kills more calories per hour of workout. Am trying to make sport a wellbeing thing,not a weight loss tool.

Margo, sorry for the reaction to added weight. I giess tou have two options - learn to accept the weight gain weeks as well or give up on this place where you need to weigh in. Maybe ask them if they would accept you without weighings, if you explain weighing in triggers always a resteiction-later binge cycle in you? Even if that is not true, it might be a good excuse? If tou ptherwise like the group meets, maybe it is a solution?

sleepwhenidie · 06/04/2015 22:54

Jass keep in mind that the elimination of wheat and sugar is an experiment to see if it helps your body. It's not a 'forever' ban. Come at it from a place of curiosity and looking after your body (and a possible new baby)?

FightingBed2014 · 06/04/2015 23:22

jassS, I have a dairy intolerance which is quite bad. For years I have ignored it and eaten what wanted, hand in hand with the BED and been ill so often. Now I'm in a better place, cutting it out entirely has been a positive experience. I am finally looking after me and it hasn't been a trigger, more of a boost in self esteem if anything that I want to.

I'm hoping your changes in food choices (a positive description I think) will be the same, as it is for a good reason not a restrictive one. I have found so many altenatives, the shop have more and more as time goes on. Hopefully you will find the same.x

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sleepwhenidie · 06/04/2015 23:33

To be honest jass, most people feel so much better after the initial pain of giving up sugar (and wheat, depending on tolerance level), and once they try it again once and suffer the effects, the allure disappears Smile

FightingBed2014 · 08/04/2015 08:57

How is everyone feeling after the Easter break?x

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FightingBed2014 · 08/04/2015 18:43

Today has been a little challenging. I have just noticed for the second time that familiar high when I start a binge. I haven't binged yet but it makes me aware that I am masking my emotions with foodConfused. Lunch was my favourites but I managed to stop it escalating. I over ate at dinner and will just see how the evening goes.

I forgot my meds yesterday which was ok until this afternoon when I felt the effect. This added to the emotions of knowing I will be going NC with DM I am a little unsettled. It will be hard and I know it's right but today I feel guilty and ungratefulSad planning it feels cruel, I don't much like myself today.x

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IronMaggie · 08/04/2015 18:59

Hey Fighting, you've done so well to have stopped, that's the hardest thing. And I hope you're able to see your DM situation as a hugely positive thing, I'm so proud that you have the strength to do this.

FightingBed2014 · 08/04/2015 19:42

Thanks Maggie. I really don't want to eat and haven't so far. Just posted on the blog and will talk to DH. I will just have to grieve for who I wanted her to be not who she is.

How are you doing lovely?x

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sleepwhenidie · 08/04/2015 19:44

Fighting Flowers you are showing an amazing level of self awareness. Deciding to go NC with your DM has taken a lot of time and soul searching yet it's still bound to be unsettling and your coping mechanism is bound to still be there. But you also have others and you have been using them regularly. All good. Don't be afraid of a binge, breathe through it and use it if you have to. Remember the health cairn and the bottom of it the whole thing, your inner pilot light, aka your deepest instinct for what is right for you because it will tell you the right answer. Listen to it when it comes to DM Smile.

IronMaggie · 08/04/2015 20:09

Well I've had a funny few weeks with mostly bad days, where I swing between 3-4 full-day binges, and the odd day when I think I might have imagined it all and feel absolutely fine and in control - like todaySmile. I'm trying my best to stick to regular meals and snacks, and taking things one day at a time.

I saw my GP again but she warned me that it might be a long time until I get help.

I'm trying not to focus on weight but it's hard when my clothes don't really fit and I'm not buying any more at the moment.

We had a lovely Easter break though - easy to do when the weather is as beautiful as it has been recently. Long may it last!

I haven't joined in much this week I'm aware, will catch up and respond properly to you all in a bit xx

sleepwhenidie · 08/04/2015 21:23

Hey Maggie, lovely to see you-can you see any patterns between good days/bad days in respect of what else is going on in your life in terms of routine/stress/emotions?

mollister · 09/04/2015 09:38

I don't know if it is okay to join this thread as I am not having treatment for an ED.
But weight has coloured every part of my life for as long as I can remember.
I obsess about food, eat in secret, daren't have any chocolate in the house but then feel as though there is nothing to look forward to if I don't get some sugar/high fat food to eat.
My teenage DD has been very 'normal' weight but she is suffering from angst and started to overeat. I am terrified she will catch my ED or have a tendency towards it.
I have not looked forward to any event or holiday for years and years because I really feel as though I am too fat to be seen in public and that I never look nice.
I cannot bear the way obesity has become and easy news topic so every day I feel as though I am being got at for being fat.
I am so miserable about my weight and every day I vow it will be different and every day ends up the same.
thanks for reading this if someone is, it helps me just to write this down. I couldn't share this with anyone I know.

sleepwhenidie · 09/04/2015 12:37

Hi Mollister, welcome Flowers - of course you can join, anyone struggling with these food/body issues can! Have you read through the thread? Were there particular posts that resonated? You've probably gathered that a big part of trying to overcome bingeing and emotional eating is looking at the other things in your life too. What would be different there if food/weight wasn't an issue for you?

mollister · 09/04/2015 13:54

Thanks sleepwhenidie
I have read through the threads and there is a lot that sounds familiar.
I've had talking therapy and CBT - though neither were for weight issues and I am on mild anti-depressant so I feel as though I must have the tools somehow to deal with this but it feels utterly hopeless.

I cannot bear the way it colours every part of my life and I always think that people will see my fat before they see me.
I have been on my own (without a partner) for most of my life and although I am not ugly and I see much fatter and less fortunate people than me with partners I always think my singleness is about my weight.

So of course it is a vicious circle - eat, remorse, loathing, eat again Sad

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 09/04/2015 14:53

Mollister welcome. Everybody is welcome here. I really feel for you, I get a lot of what you are saying - I feel/felt the same.

As difficult as it is, I think the first step towards recovery for me (and others on here) is self-acceptance. As you acknowledge it is difficult to make changes when you hate yourself. Have you ever tried to get to that place for accepting yourself, as you are now?

It is really difficult, but it can be done a little at a time. I think for me, I just thought about all the years of berating myself for not being slimmer hadn't actually resulted in me being slimmer. So what difference would it actually make to me if I stopped thinking about the thin person I should be and accept me as I am. 9 months later I weigh about the same (despite my fears of gaining stones & stones) and I am on the road to recovery (I hope).

Hope that doesn't sound smug, but I just know when the idea of self-acceptance was presented to me, it was really hard for me to contemplate. But it has got easier the more I practice.

Re your DD. Is it worth talking to Beat?

Keep sharing here - you are not alone.

GratefulHead · 09/04/2015 16:32

I have been referred for a short course of counselling now. It's CBT based and I am hoping it will help me in some way. Yesterday I found a short video clip of me and DS taken when he was about 4 (he is now 12). Apart from the desire to reach in and grab him and say "stop growing" I noticed also how much thinner I was and I wanted to cry. Where did it all go so wrong?

I have discovered colouring over the last two weeks which is keeping me occupied. Have bought one of those grown up colouring books it's called "Secret Garden by Johanna Barsford and is lovely and relaxing. It also keeps my hands busy!

sleepwhenidie · 09/04/2015 16:42

Glad to hear you are getting some help Grateful. And the colouring book sounds great-a mindfulness technique lots of people find soothing Smile. Do stay with is and let us know how the CBT goes.

Mollister what are your thoughts about giving up weighing and dieting as a starting point?

Lou how are you doing? And everyone else? Nearly the end of the Easter holidays for lots of us (not me, we started later so have next week off too).

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 09/04/2015 16:47

Good to hear you have been offered some support Grateful and keeping busy (and relaxed) sounds like a great plan. Colouring with pencils?

Can you look at the video as capturing some good times rather than your weight? What was different for you back then?

Maggie - thanks for the app recommendation, I love it. Really simple. I like it doesn't keep reminding me to record like a previous one.

Are you sure about not being able to buy any new clothes? I just know myself that being in tight clothes keeps me focused on what I look like all day long :(

Fighting - such a big step, but so important for you. Well done & big hugs.

Thanks for the support & thoughts on the weigh-in at my CBT. It is not optional. I think I just need to live with it. It will be beneficial to work out what my 'weight cycle' is. I have a feeling that I bloat with my period for 1.5 weeks. Which takes me back to the heart-breaking sessions at WW etc where I'd weigh more and not know if it was me or water etc. And then I'd binge feeling bad/unsure etc, so by the next session I did actually weigh more etc.

I am pleased that the weather has cheered up in the UK, but naturally that means summer clothes which feels me with horror. Shock Have ordered tonnes and tonnes of stuff from 3 online plus size shops in the hope I will end up with a couple of bits. How does everyone else feel about summer clothes?

FightingBed2014 · 09/04/2015 16:53

Mollister welcome to the group, I hope you feel at ease here. I think the posts from the others cover the intro really well. Do keep talking to us.

Grateful so happy for you with the treatment. I hope you feel better as the process starts. Did getting the referal make you feel validated in any way?

Margo it is so lovely to see you use the words recovery and sounding so strong, you have come so far.x

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FightingBed2014 · 09/04/2015 17:04

I am having a total wobble with my confidence today. DM called and was completely normalSad. I found myself missing her and have been 'off the rails a bit' since then.

I want it to be like that all the time, to spend time with her and be a normal family. She sees it that way which is even harder. When I go NC I won't have the good days anymore and that has been really upsetting, all I focused on was stopping the bad ones.

I haven't binged which is a good sign of change but I have had a lot of coffee (total placebo effect as its decafBlush) and hammered my e-cig to stay calm today. DC are in 'annoy the shit out you mode' today which isn't helping. Even DH is losing patience. Wine appeals but 5pm is a tad early I thinkGrin.

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FightingBed2014 · 09/04/2015 17:12

Summer clothing will be a difficult one here I think. I have items from last year but they are mostly work items and rather smart. I will have to use it as a good reason to buy some more. We don't have loads of cash spare so I need a kind of capsule wardrobe to mix and match.

I wore my winter dress and leggings today without a cardigan on top. I was a little nervous but went with it and found I was comfortable rather than sweating and focusing on it. I still have buy comfort pants on my to do list, from last year! I'd like some longer skirts as I feel better in them and a nice top rather than shorts. I dress as myself now so more alternative / goth than trying to fit in with others and feeling like a fish out of water.x

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MrsMargoLeadbetter · 09/04/2015 17:18

I don't think it is too early for Wine ! It is the holidays!!

Sorry to hear of DM being 'normal'. Must be such a rollercoaster... You are doing the right thing - think big act small....