Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

I've only just noticed, we're into our last one hundred 98now and we will have filled two whole threads supporting each other. That's a brilliant achievement for us all, we're still going and kicking this BED into touch in our own ways. .x

2 threads is amazing. I have mentioned before there have been lots of other threads on BED before, but they have never kept going like this one. Am so grateful.

Happy Easter all. Hope you have a nice time. x

Happy easter from me too! Massive food-loaded period for us, as my oldest son is born at the end of March and youngest in early April, with easter usulaly between the two! But I am not stresing and am eating all I want. I kind of like my body right now for no particular reason. MAybe becuase weight is actually not so important in the big scheme of things....

Happy Easter .
jassS It's good that you are feeling relaxed, very understandable for you to be feeling the way you are.

Margo its wonderful to still be talking and supporting each other. I will be here for a long time to come and hope to grow the amount of time and energy I can give to helping others recover.

This is my first easter where restrictions haven't dominated my thoughts. It is so nice to just enjoy the family time. Everyone on the thread is in my thoughts and I hope you are having happy days and BED isn't making this period too hard for you.

Me too! It is really good to enjoy the party food and not to think I need to lose it later on. I guess I have gained some more but at the moment there are no scales in the house and I can not obsess if I do not know an exact number. I had to have a second d&c to get rid of retained products and was weighed before the operation, and the number was reallybig, but I just shrugged it off, I was dressed and maybe their scale is on the high side, so did not care too much about that no.

Anyway, I do not want to give up my relaxed attitude about food, especially as i really looked in the mirror this morning and I have good proportions, am fit and tuned (I had restarted running already before second op, but not done more than 5 km, so moderate as I want it, not obsessive). My pregnancy belly is gone sadly, am flat as pancake, with wide hips and really strong (some would say, fat and covered in cellulite) legs, and my legs rub against each other:-) But I look nicely 19th century beauty ideal, that steong woman and mother capable of doing physicsl work. I have never appreciated the idea of a neurotic aristocratic lifestyle, so why on earth have I so long craved and tried to have thbody they had? LOL

Hi jassS, glad you're having a good easter.

The second op sounds like a difficult situation for you, with an already hard time. Well done with the running, I think you do indeed sound like a strong beautiful woman.

We had a lovely situation that I wanted to share with you all today, a little triumph in giving DC a good relationship with food. DH was talking to DC1 in a cafe today about the cake he was eating and said 'daddy's being naughty' (no idea why he said it as never heard him say anything like it ). DC1 didn't understand why a cake would make daddy naughty and it went over his head. DH changed it to 'daddy wanted some came, so I got some' and DC 1 simply asked if he could have some. I can't tell you how happy this makes me! My DC simply sees food as just that food, not good or bad. He knows about vitamins and what will hurt his tummy if he eats what he's intolerant to. I try hard to make sure we keep my bad habits and old school clichés I grew up with out of the house, it will be picked up elsewhere I'm sure but at least we know what we're doing so far is working .

Put this way, I realise that the fact that all my kids have healthy body image and eat without thinking about calories etc is really food. I have drilled it into them that they need to eat their 5 a day, the rest can be whatever they fancy, preferably warm food I have cooked, but if that is not what they want it is Ok to seek out sth different from thr fridge. Since our fridge does not have much else than rye bred, cheese, ham. tomato-cucumber-salad etc, nothing terrible can happen. But they are chocoholics and I believe if they can eat it now unrestricted they will later not want it too much.
Frankly, I have never thought they could get food issues, too. They are mostly boys, and as I do not associate eating disorders with men (I know they get it, but somehow....), I have never worried.

Hi everyone, came over here from another thread on advice of sleep. I am struggling with BED/bulimia, and have been for about 2 years now. Previous to that I had successfully lost weight and was taking lots of exercise but due to emotional issues since, all that has unravelled. I am currently nursing a very sore and stiff knee after an op last weekend to deal with a running injury (excessive training). Not really sure when I will be back running/exercising at the moment. This week I have been able to control eating better as I was off work with my knee and it has been work that has triggered binges recently - I find it incredibly stressful and it makes me anxious. However I have been restricting at home this week as I cannot get out of this pattern at the moment. Am terrified of how I will eat next week as we are going to visit DH's family in France which means massive meals twice a day and food being pushed at you. Find myself not wanting to be in contact with friends or telling myself I will see them again when I have lost weight and feel 'better' - pathetic.
I have started seeing a therapist but this week was my first session so not much to show for it yet. Am finding it easier this week to choose not to eat than to try and make wise food choices but am generally sticking to fruit and veg with some greek yogurt (full-fat). One thing the therapist said which struck me was that she assumed I was looking for acceptance through weight-loss and I instantly knew that wasn't it at all. It's purely an internal thing.
Better go to bed as don't want to be tired tomorrow as binge when tired!

Fighting how wonderful to see your DC exhibiting 'normal' food behaviours. I know that is something I really worry about myself, so can understand why you were so pleased/relieved.

Welcome running, glad you found us. Therapy sounds like a good first step. A lot of what you are saying resonates. ED aren't about food but about how "we" use food to deal with the difficult stuff.

I was 'taught' on this thread by fighting & sleep that self-acceptance - as you are now - is the first step. As it very difficult to recover from an ED whilst you are full of self-hatred. That does mean forgetting about weight loss for now (which I appreciate can be a difficult idea) but you need to focus on the other stuff first.

I am lucky in that I am part of a NHS CBT ED group and they say the same thing - feelings of negativity about ourselves generally results in a cycle of: self-hatred, binging, feeling bad, binging, feeling fat, binging etc.

A few of us are following the Fairburn book www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Binge-Eating-Proven-Program/dp/1572305614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428220273&sr=8-1&keywords=fairburn+book

which I personally find very helpful. The CBT group is also based on this.

Things are okish here. My weight was up at the group last week and I thought I was ok about it. It was 'post a week of holiday food & drink' up, so it must have been water, as I'd had a fairly mild week with no binges. But I have realised I am struggling with it.

I have suffered with excessive water retention before, so there is party of me that feels sorry for my old self struggling at WW etc thinking I'd done something wrong.

I think my biggest issue is not being seen as 'good' and losing weight. I know from old, I was hoping that this [approach] is the answer & I would start losing weight but rationally I know that isn't the point of the group - as I say above! - but that "dieting high" is difficult to forget. It is depressing that the lure of the scales is outweighing the positive of having not binged. :(

I have also had a couple of more boozy than usual nights out. I wonder if the BED is trying to find a way to 'come out' and once my inhibitions are lowered I tend to eat more/get a takeaway.

On a positive note I really like the Rise Up app that maggie mentioned it is really simple to use and I like it on my phone.

Anyway hope you are all ok. Do post an update, even if you can only pop in and out. I often think of the occasional posters & hope you are ok.

Hi running It's lovely to see you back with us.

Please don't think the things you do are pathetic, you have made such good progress before and can get there again. This time after the op could be seen as a period of rest for you, rather than a negative. (Although I hope your meds are making you comfortable).

It is so hard to feel out of our comfort zones when visiting others and not being the 'chief cook'. Could you go for a balance rather than letting panic about dieting escalate? This wknd I am visiting and we had pizza for tea but had salad on the side. It was lovely and got plenty of veg into the day. Balance in general has to be better for us all mentally instead of constantly facing an uphill battle of 'if im slimmer / thinner' what if. Doing things yo look after you anytime has such a wonderful effect.

I don't know if you have followed the two threads since you were with us or not. We as Margo said have really focused on the emotions behind the ED. As scary as the letting go of the diets and restrictions seemed, I did it and it worked. I hardly binge and have dealt with some major triggers over the year. It is just about small steps and retraining ourselves to do that, as opposed to our all or nothing approach. The big picture is indeed daunting but day by day is much less so. The only goal we need to have really is to be happy. If we aim for that, we will have such a better life.

Restrictions are hard to let go and its panic inducing but the reality of eating what ever we want isn't actually what our head sees as becoming morbidly obese. In fact it by removing the 'forbidden' and 'right food' elements the novelty wears off and food doesn't stay in the mind all day. It actually means we end up eating what we need and often not much else, our bodies regulate eventually and do what they do naturally without ED. I am smaller than when I started my recovery doing just that. I don't aim or try to lose weight but its a side effect of being happier and taking the 'fuel' away from binges. Does any of this sound where you would like to go moving forward?x

HELP!! The kids' Easter eggs are making me ridiculously anxious and I am having total binge fear!! I cannot deal with having them in the house. I just want to eat all the stuff, or bin it. But if I think it's bad for me, what does it say about me that I'll feed it to DC?! I deliberately just got them a few small bits they could have for snacks over the next few days and which I knew I wouldn't crave myself, but my Mum has bought them a really big egg each and I just want to rip open those packets. Aaaargh hate Easter!

Firstly this was a great move to post your worries. I don't think you letting the kids have them is a bad thing. We have eating disorders, so there are so many emotions attached to food for us. For DC it is just something nice to eat, so I wouldn't have worry about that point of view. Also think of how yhey may feel if it is binned, would that be upsetting for them?

Can you write down all that you're feeling? What is it that scares you if you did eat them, how would you feel not eating them etc. Just go woth it and write anything, it may end up scribbles but get it out. Or alternatively could you watch something emotional, I do this if I can't get what I'm feeling. A good cry can release some of the tension.

Given that you are feeling so much anxiety, it does sound like you would benefit from trying the GP again. Did you get chance to look into b-eat too?x

Thank you so much for replying fighting. I have not yet opened Easter eggs but have had some yogurt, 4 small bars of kids' snack chocolate, and a mini pack of their snack biscuits. I never keep stuff in the house for me as I would just eat it all, but it means that I fall back on DC's stuff which makes me feel really guilty. However binges are smaller that way.
I have spoken to GP again, who agreed that I was experiencing anxiety, but as BMI is normal just recommended beta-blockers to calm me down. Am really loath to take anything that affects my heart-rate (have low blood pressure anyway), so refused them. Am wondering if should request anti-depressants, but I think my symptoms are more like stress/anxiety than depression, really.
I have looked at B-EAT before - it was on there that I first realised it was possible to be bulimic if you weren't vomiting, but instead using laxatives and excessive exercise. I had a few sessions last year with a therapist whose details I found on there, but - and this may sound weird - the therapy was all too focused on food. She would weigh me each time, and made me keep a food diary, but I felt she just didn't get it. I generally ate healthily, didn't skip meals etc, she was sort of at a loss as to where disorder lay. So I ended up thinking it was much more of an emotional thing than an eating thing, even if on a day-to-day basis it is food that I obsess over. Is that strange?!
When it comes to the Easter eggs: if I ate them all, I'd be scared of huge weight gain tomorrow morning (can gain up to 7+lbs in a binge) and of negative feelings throughout the day due to that, also undoing 'good' work of recent restricting, also of compulsion to use laxatives.
If I don't eat them, am scared that they would hang around for days and days and the temptation would just linger on and wear me down!! And that I would be begging the kids for spare mouthfuls all the time!!

Running sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

And sorry to hear the support you looked for didn't help.

Diary keeping can be about working out the emotional triggers. As fighting suggests, what is behind the desire to reach for the Easter Eggs?

I have started using the Rise Up app, it is free. You can record your feelings discretely.

If you do nothing else differently try to look at the why.

And try to be kind to yourself. Easter weekend isn't the healthiest for most, so for those of us with an ED it brings additonal challenges.

Hi Running, I'm so glad you came back. You sound like you are in a state . I've been meaning to post in response to everyone else in the last day or two and I'm not ignoring them , but this is for you.

First-letting the dc's have the Easter eggs is normal. I'd suggest giving them free rein and observing how much they actually eat (don't panic, it's just one weekend and it's not arsenic, it's chocolate ). Most kids will eat some and then walk away. This, ultimately, is how we all should be . No good or bad labels on food-awareness of nutrition notwithstanding!

I've suggested you try it before and have no idea if you did it, but give yourself permission to eat chocolate this weekend too. But the condition is that you must sit and really enjoy it and eat as slowly as you can. Just once. You've had plenty of binges before and trying to restrict or just stop isn't working so if it all goes badly wrong, it isn't the end of the world. Try doing it differently. Taste. Savour. Take pleasure in the food. See what happens.

Please believe me, you are moving forward, even if it feels like you aren't. You recognise that work can be a big trigger for you, that is good. Can you think of any ways you can make it less so, however small? Write them down.

I don't know if you saw the Whole Health Cairn I posted a whole back? Thinking about this and what small steps can be taken to heal each area is a great start. Healing BED is like climbing a mountain but people climbing mountains know that you only occasionally look at the peak to ensure you are heading in the right direction, the real focus is on putting one foot in front of the other - any acts of self care and nourishment, and consideration of what is causing your BED are incredibly valuable. What is not causing BED is an insatiable appetite and lack of willpower . Try and work with it to see where it is pointing you, not against it as if it is a separate entity. Does that make any sense?

Oh and your therapist focusing on the food is not the right therapist. You are right, it's not about the food and it is about emotion. Food can be a very useful place holder for all sorts of other things that are going on on our lives . It's figuring out what, and tackling them and learning new coping mechanisms that is the challenge. You can get there xxx

Thank you sleep. I appreciate your support a lot but I am not in a place at the moment where I can give myself permission to eat chocolate. I would feel like I was giving in to my bad side. Weighed myself this morning and yesterday evening's big Easter meal at Mum's followed by mini binge at home has led to 3lb weight gain. That means I can't do anything but restrict today. I have not eaten and have made 3 veg juices for the day. I am dreading the day and feel I have nothing to look forward to (I know I use food as something to look forward to), but I cannot get out of this mentality that 'normal' eating will just make me gain weight and restricting is the only way to lose.
Since I moved house last summer I have not been back to my previous therapist and the new one that I saw for first time last week was talking about emotional hungers e.g. For contact, recognition, excitement etc which I can really relate to and I know I have been using food for that since my affair ended. It is a poor substitute really!! I cannot forgive myself though as it destroyed DH and he is still living with the consequences. Work is definitely a trigger but I can't see a way out of that other than looking for a new job, which will be hard as I've been in that one less than 6 months! Somehow when applying because we were moving house and I was desperate to find a job I showed a total lack of self-knowledge and got one where I am around people all day and continually interrupted. I am a complete introvert and perfectionist and I have honestly felt that work is driving me mad!! Also colleagues don't ever eat!! And one told me i had gained weight. True, but it has haunted me! This has encouraged this idea that they can't see me eat, but the boredom and stress of the job drives me to want to binge in secret.
I have no friends since moving house and cannot talk to family due to sister's anorexia. Feel totally isolated. Often think of joining WW or Slimming world just to meet people but know the group thing would send me bonkers after a while!

running, you're still talking and that is a good move forward, well done.

Reading your message it sounds like you feel in a state of panic, so many things coming at you and you want it all to stop. Is that how it feels?

I can relate to the wanting to be alone at work. I am an introvert too and in times like you're feeling my head just cannot cope with the constant stimulation of people, noise, responsibility and worry. Besides running, what other thing can you use to 'press pause'? I listen to music, it holds lots of power to calm me.

Did you ever try the Fairburn book? In it he addresses our reliance on the scales and how we misread them. It was a huge relief for me to know that our bodies naturally fluctuate with hydration rather than actual weight gain or loss. In order to see a true change we would need to look after a long period like a month. All of us have done the weighing after a big binge or weekend and been horrified at gains. It isn't real and we don't have to restrict as each day is different. It took me 2 months of monitoring to see he was so right.

If you don't have the book, I'd highly recommend looking, or finding one you feel comfortable with. It absolutely helps to halt the train of panic we all feel stuck on at the beginning. It shows us a positive way to bring structure in which we also crave and panic at the idea of losing with restrictions.x

Gah! Typed a long message to Grateful and lost it. Will start again!

Lou it sounds like you are in a huge state of fear. A fear of food. But food in itself isn't scary-so can you write down what is really scaring you? I know that your first response is 'I will gain weight' but what then? And what after that? Can you get to the bottom of the list of fears?

Grateful I can't remember if I said welcome . You sound as if you already have some good insights into what is going on for you. We often exert control over food and body when we feel out of control in other areas of life. The problem is, by restricting we not only create an immediate desire for what is banned, we also have an inbuilt survival response called appetite . Unless you are deep into anorexic territory where it seems the 'hungry' messages from body to brain can break down, then your appetite will eventually overcome your willpower. Trouble is, when you've been starving, your body wants fast energy-sugar and high GI carbs. And we 'give in', we eat them too fast because we are so hungry and overeat because we miss the point of when we have had enough (or through continually trying to artificially manage appetite, have lost the ability to recognise it). In addition, we still haven't fed our bodies the nutrients it needs, so it still says hungry, even after hundreds or thousands of empty calories. So we think we have an appetite or willpower problem when in fact our bodies are doing their amazing thing to try and keep is healthy and functioning! In this way we can see where a physiological urge to binge can come from. Only by stopping restrictions can we then identify the binges that are 'psychological' and try to unpick those...the real hard work .

I'm so sorry to hear of the abuse you suffered. It's a very common issue amongst people with ED's. Possibly a control thing, as above. Also there may be a subconscious desire to protect ourselves by 'disappearing' or seeming 'non sexual', either by becoming very thin and having a childlike body or by gaining weight to have a body that is considered by society as undesirable. Have you had counselling specifically in relation to the abuse?

Lou - you must try and forgive yourself for your affair. It can't be all your 'fault', there must have been other factors at work. DH has forgiven you so you should do him the honour of doing the same-by not doing so you aren't moving on and everyone around you will continue to suffer with you. If DH can forgive, why should your standard of judgement of yourself be so much higher? Do you respect his judgement? If so then try and accept it and stop thinking you aren't good enough. (Assuming he knows how you feel, but even if he doesn't), can you see how frustrating, if not insulting it must be for him to forgive yet have you continuing to beat yourself up about it? Can you put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would feel?

Fighting I'm so pleased to hear how much happier and relaxed you sound

Jass I am and at how much progress you have made, so quickly and even through your m/c. You are amazing. I love that you are really starting to love your body (which sounds fantastic btw) and truly letting go of restrictions. A great example of a 'Queen'! I know you don't like journalling about feelings but it might be worth writing down all the positives going on for you right now, keep it somewhere more accessible than this thread so if you waver you have some of your very own inspiring words to turn to?

mrsmargo - ups and downs . It sounds like the scales has had quite an impact on you. As you know, I'm personally unconvinced by the regular weigh ins as part of work on recovery. Although I can see how for some people it helps reassure them that letting go of dieting won't lead to rapid weight gain (as shown by fighting, for others it can so easily upset a fragile and hard own sense of equilibrium that may have been achieved, however rationally we understand it shouldn't. Is the weigh in at your group obligatory or could you opt out, at least for a while?

Hard won!

How has everyone else's weekemd been?x