Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

jassS how are you feeling at the moment?

Margo your post sounds like you aee doing really well. Although you aren't feeling relaxed, you're processing everything so well and not letting it take over everything.

Anxiety around work sounds difficult. Would going onto the books for someone be something to consider rather than self employed? There are pros and cons to each side, I guess it depnds on what works best for you.x

Thanks for asking. I am relatively OK. I even feel a bit guilty that I am not somehow properly mourning my lost baby. Instead I think positively that I managed, after so many blighted ovums or even chemical pgs , to create a real baby with real heartbeat. I hope it was genetically deficient, as it had 70% of probability to be (my doctors here in Luxembourg refused to test the baby, and I did not have time to fly to Estonia where my infertility doc is, or rather could not face going there only to have the baby tested). If that was its fate, I have at least overcome my immune issues which killed them off before achieveing the heartbeat, and I may be lucky next time.

Hi jassS, you do sound positive and given the circumstances I don't think it's bad to look at it the way you are at all. Are you getting plenty of support from DH & DC?

I came across this article today & thought you may all like a read. I have been working on letting go of so many of these things, its a list to go back to I think. Hope you are all ok.

Do You Like How You Look?

Jass sounds like you are coming to terms with it and seeing the positives. Will there be any follow up investigations? (If you want to say, obviously you don't have to).

Thanks for the link fighting. I love the article esp: The life you live is yours, therefore how you choose to live it is solely at your discretion

Re my work anxiety. I kinda feel that it is me that is the issue, not the situation. And like with BED I need to find a way to cope. Even when I was employed I was a perfectionist workaholic that worried constantly about doing a good enough job. So I am going to give it this year to see how I fair and if I can find a happy balance with freelancing. If not, I will try to find a job.

This recovery process has really proven to me how much of this stuff is within my control and is about how I do things/think. I think previously I saw BED as a big uncontrollable monster that simply wouldn't be tamed and therefore there was nothing I can do. But actually some of the way I behave feeds it I think.

As an eg this week I have been more organised and I have felt calmer as a result. I also chose to go for a run during a period of anxiety which helped.

A nutritionist came to the support group today. She mainly answered questions and busted some myths. She suggests the NHS eating well plate. www.nhs.uk/livewell/goodfood/pages/eatwell-plate.aspx

Her main message though was to eat regularly.

They are keen on mindfulness thinking which scares me I have to say. I find doing nothing and clearing my mind is very difficult!!

How does everyone feel about Easter and the chocolate overload? I saw a recipe for a Creme Egg cake the other day - good lord!!

Thinking of you all.

Hi all - sorry it's been a while since I posted.

Jass, really sorry to hear your news, but it sounds like you're dealing with it so well - hope you have lots of family and friends around who can give real-life hugs and kisses x

Hello again Fighting, sounds like you're in a really good place at the moment.

Big wave to Grateful and any other newcomers - you are definitely not alone.

I've been struggling recently, to the point where I've had to take a week off from filling in my Fairburn food diaries. Things just weren't getting any better, and I seemed to only keep records on non-binge days, which seemed slightly pointless. I've put on quite a lot of weight now as a result of long stretches of bingeing, and I'm very tempted to attempt dieting again, just as a temporary fix to get back into my clothes. I know it's futile, but I have no better answers at the moment. All the advice and tactics go out of the window in the heat of the moment, it's incredibly frustrating.

Sleep, I've been thinking about cairns, and my first impression is that mine is severely fractured - there are elements in every single rock that aren't ideal. That could be linked to my perfectionist tendency of wanting everything to be 100% but I'm not quite sure. Have ordered the book, will start it tonight. Thank you for the recommendation.

oh Maggie I wish I could give you a hug . You are making progress you know, just the fact you are giving this your proper attention and thought . With the cairn, is there something small that you could see a way to heal? Baby steps - don't go leaving your job/selling your house/getting divorced straight off

Those were all random guesses about extreme changes btw, not personal!!

Margo it sounds like you are doing brilliantly. You and Fighting definitely seem to be feeling your feelings a lot more. Fighting I think for you it's an inevitably overwhelming period, sort of a floodgates situation, all that stuff that's been stuffed aside for so long, it's going to be hard but it will pass and you will be so much stronger afterwards. . It's amazing progress that you aren't getting the urge to binge.

Margo mindfulness will help you absorb the fact that emotions come and go, like anything. I understand that the prospect of stillness is scary but I think if you can commit to trying it will be incredibly valuable for you, in day to day life but especially when you get the urge to binge and want to just observe your feelings and not let them overwhelm you.

Hello all once again, thank you all for the welcome :-)

I am trying to avoid bringing crisps into the house. I am also avoiding things like crackers which go far too well with butter and marmite!

I am also trying to drink more water as I find I have more energy if I do.

I plan to write in a journal but am not very good at remembering stuff like that so food diary stuff sends me into despair as I often forget to write it all down.

I am also trying to be kind to myself and remember that I have a lot to deal with. Food is my drug of choice and it's what I go to when I am stressed. I am trying to find a few food recipes that are nice and simple but look special so I can spoil myself in a different way with food.

I have the Fairburn book (the older edition) and am going to dig it out.

Hi Margo, glad you liked this article.

I think you have a really great insight into how you are with work situations. The plan you have is a good one.

I agree with the analogy of BED previously feeling like an uncontrollable monster. It took us a while but I think we are roughly the same place as sleep said, feeling our emotions. I can identify them now and act accordingly.

Easter has the potential to make life tough for working through BED. I can understand anyone finding it hard. Things like the cake you saw can be so enticing. Does anyone find the tendency for this to be a family time contribute too?

This year have a get out card as there is only one chocolate egg I can eat in the whole of supermarkets stock. It's a good step for me as I naturally eat dairy free now. I want to look after myself and also teach DC it is important to treat their bodies with respect. That thought process has stopped any waivering or self sabotage straight away. Prior to this I have always eaten it despite knowing it would have horrible effects. Seeing them struggling has been hard and I need to help them stay well.

Maggie, Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I agree with sleep you are still making progress. This journey has more hills than a pennines treck but it is so worthwhile. Just remember you have us all here when you need us & like you have done it's when you feel able.

Maggie I meant to say, like we know a storm can be fierce, we know it will eventually pass, binge periods eventually peter down. Keep that thought when the diet pressure comes. I have another video I found today, its a bit hard hitting on the emotions but in a good way I think. It may help us all.x

Grateful I can relate to the difficulty with food diaries etc. I think it takes quite a while for hood habits to become ingrained within our natural behaviours. Keep going and small changes will happen, you have already made contact with us when you're struggling, that is progress.

sleep/Maggie I suppose binge and food wise I am in a good place, as I don't instinctively reach for them at every difficult incident.

Other than that I am trying really hard to focus on the current day. My friends question of 'who are they' has helped re- ignite my passion for not giving a fuck about shitty opinions. (explaining them like that helps me). I am slowly putting myself together in a new way, minus all the crap, like you said sleep working through it all. Reading quotes from the Dalai Lama has helped a lot too. (he's a smart guy).

Dove's One Thought Video

I'm struggling tonight. Had a very full on day and can't open up about it too much as there are things going on. Finding myself looking at the Just Eat ads and thinking 'hmm if I eat that massive curry and sides I'd feel better'. I know its only short term and thankfully we missed shopping today so nothing to binge on, literally bare fridge. This is a tough one to ride out, when you need to put your feelings in a box after learning to let them out. Probably get to bed soon as pretty tired too.

How is everyone else doing this weekend?x

fighting . Bath, and bed sounds like a plan. Pm if you want to chat xx

Maggie sorry to hear of your struggles. Could you 'just' write about your feelings? It sounds like the focus on the food is difficult for you. .? I would echo's fightings advice this is a marathon, not a sprint. One of the key messages from the support group is that fluctuations are normal, be it weight or ability to overcome the ED. I think it also helps me to remember that even those without ED experience ups and downs.

Fighting sorry to hear if your struggles too. How are you feeling now?

On the app hence disjointed replies

Grateful can you write the diaries at the time? To help capture the feelings? I think that is more important than what food you eat? Sorry if I am teaching grandma to suck eggs etc. I know it is difficult to do and it makes me feel v uncomfortable....

With the diaries, would a small build up help? I found them hard at first and we are the experts at hiding our feelings afterall, so don't be too hard on yourself that it's stop and start. Just keep trying . what about one word sum for each meal for a bit or a face depicting how you feel? Build it up from the bottom.x

I am feeling a bit better after a nap. I went to bed last night without eating more in the end. Still on a day at a time and trying to be kind to myself. Thank you for all the support it helps remind me how much I have already gotten through.xx

Hey, how is everyone? Coping with Easter holidays ok?

I thought it would be much harder, I simply forgot about the lack of school runs. Still in pjs now with no intention of getting dressed today.
I am a little nervous about trip at the weekend, just because anxiety has kept me from going further than the local area for some time. The visit is to where I grew up, so I will feel safe enough there as it's all very familiar and of course with DH who helps just by being with me. Its just the distance from home that is the issue as DF home is a safe place for me too

The closer it gets the more I feel the need to use food to calm myself. Will have a chat with DH tonight about my worries and nightmares that kept me up again. Rather than stress I will go with it and aknowledge how I feel.

How is everyone else coping?x

Fighting - it sounds like it could be a fun trip? It's so great that you're able to tune in to your feelings and deal with them proactively - that's a skill in itself, which I need to work on. And it's lovely that you have an understanding and supportive DH too, it must make such a difference.

I actually had a good day yesterday - ate normally, did some exercise, had dinner with friends, like a normal person! Sadly I'm at work throughout the Easter break, but this week the DCs are at home with their daddy, making a royal mess and having a fab time! Being at work actually suits me quite well as the structure to my day (and having people around) means I'm less likely to eat excessively.

In an effort to get into better diary-keeping habits, I've started using an iPhone app called 'Rise Up and Recover' - it allows you to record what you've eaten and how you felt about it. I find it much easier than keeping any other form of diary, as it's discreet and quick to update.

It also allows you to 'check in' and write general notes about how you're feeling, and has techniques and coping skills built in for when you feel a binge coming on - I've only had good days since I started using it so I can't vouch for how well it will work. But until my therapy appointment happens (if ever), I'm going to keep trying different ways of cracking this.

Hope everyone's getting out and enjoying the bright mornings!

Ours are still in school until Thurs! We live near the school, so the whole road/area feels different without the school run - really peaceful.

Sorry to hear of the anxiety fighting. Is there anything you can do to fear it less? Easier asked than done I know..

Anything planned with the DC? Or will you be 'chillaxin'?

Great to hear you have found an app that works for you Maggie. That is what it is all about. It is nice to have a 'normal' day isn't it!

I agree about routine and people - less access to food helps!

I feel anxious/annoyed this am. We have started reading with DS in the am as we struggle to fit it in after work. It makes for a manic morning (which I added to by going to the supermarket at 7.15am) but I am pleased that we are doing it. I felt we were failing DS by not organising ourselves.

Seeing the phyiso today. My back has flared up thanks to an overly ambitious bootcamp followed by a long walk on Sat. Was nearly in tears with pain. Had feeling that I am not capable.

Feeling a bit better about work. Am focusing on prioritising and logging off email and feel calmer.

Thinking of you all. xxx

Hi Maggie, so glad you are having days where you feel better. Being able to partake in activities with friends and feel you haven't panicked is great. I hope you have more of those experiences.

Your app is such a great idea, so wonderful that it is working better for you. This is what it's about I think tailoring everything to your own needs and you are doing that brilliantly.x

I am looking forward to the trip as I can be with people I love and relax. Just stretches the comfort zone a bit. No big deal though, If it's too much I don't have to go anywhere again until I am ready.x