Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Just about to start the cake making now. I won't be decorating until later in the week though.

I am hoping with the new job it will be more structured. The breaks are and there will be less time to get food I shouldn't eat! It should be busier too so no boredom snacking

I did have a bit of a binge last night though. Don't know why but I do feel a bit run down which won't have helped. Luckily I don't really eat cake so I won't be tempted to eat any that I make today.

I could do with talking about my secret eating disorder. It's back to taking over again and I can't see a way out at the moment

I'm 41, take ADs after a breakdown last year, however my food issues have been going on since I was 12.

Yesterday I ate scrambled egg on toast for lunch, vegetable cous cous for dinner and then a huge piece of DDs chocolate and fresh cream birthday cake, a bag of Haribo, hula hoops, french fries, 2 bags of walkers ready salted and Nutella out of the jar.

I find myself planning a 3 day fast when I go back to work on Monday. ( It has been half term this week where I live ).

I can't do more than 3 days but the fast makes me feel better. If I know it won't be possible then I'll take laxatives.

Crying now

happy welcome to the thread. I amsorry yyou feel so bad but please don't do the fast. It perpetuates the binge/restrict behaviour.

For those new to the thread here is a quick summary.

We all have issues with binge/restrict behaviour. We have all successfully lost weight in the past but have never kept it off because we don't address the reasons behind the disordered eating. Restricting will only make the binges worse. I think we have all probably messed up our metabolisms because our bodies areso cconfused about what we eat/dont eat. We can fix that but it won't be a quick fix.

Stop dieting. Look back at all the other 'successful' diets you have been on. If they were really successful we wouldn't be here now. We all have issues with control and low sekf esteem. For the last 6 months we have been trying to not diet, not calorie count and not binge So much. It hasn't been easy. Eat full fat protein rich food. Dont portion control or calorie count. Try to just eat when hungry and chew slowly. Try to enjoy food again. You may not lose weight but try to not make that the goal. The goal for me is healthy normal eating with no forbidden food. If you don't ban foods you won't crave then so much. I love crisps. If I want some I will have them. Because I 'allow' myself to have them I am less likely to binge. If course I do still binge - it won't stop overnight. I had a bit of a binge last night but the difference now, 6 months on is I don't beat myself up about it. I think about how much less I binge now and how much healthier I am - even though I still need to lose weight.

Sorry for the typos!

How you feeling today House?

Hi Happy welcome to the group. Purple did a pretty good summary there. I am just shy of 11 months into this journey. Pretty much at the same stage at Purple. Binges don't happen often now but my biggest breakthrough has been accepting myself mich more.

Have you had any help in the past? You called it a secret, does anyone in RL know anything or have you not felt able to talk before?

This issue is far more common than I ever thought. It's sad to think do many of us have struggled alone for years. It feels good to be a part of something helping to change that, (even in the tiniest ways).

I do hope you feel this is the place for youHappy & House. We're always here to help.x

I am not a secret man named Mich I meant to type *much.

Hello everyone and welcome Happy and House

Our visitor went back yesterday and I feel more relaxed now. I hadn't realised how stressed I've been this week. Now I can relax again.

My eating hadn't improved yet (out yesterday afternoon on way to airport, so grabbed kfc on way, for breakfast had rye bread and butter and cheese, for lunch cold roast pork and apple sauce rye bread sandwich), but I'll try to get more veg next week. Today we went got up late and went out this afternoon, so I had poached eggs on rye toast with butter for brunch, just grabbed an ice cream this afternoon. Tonight we're having chicken and leek pie with oven chips and garlic mushrooms and profiteroles for dessert

I have a fridge full of veg, so will make some soup tomorrow, also going to make apple sauce with the rest of the apples on the tree in the garden.

Hope you having a relaxed evening now you have you home back. Your plans for food sounds lovely. I've never made one but home made soup is a favourite of mine.x

Margo & Maggie how are you doing?x

Fighting I just melt some butter, then gently soften a chopped onion, chopped up celery, carrot, parsnip, whatever I have in the fridge, then add water and a chicken stock pot and simmer for 50 mins, then I use my stick blender to puree most of it, leaving a few chunks of veg, season with salt and pepper. Then I freeze it in portions.

Mrs and purple, hope you're both OK.

All ok. Away with limited wifi and time to MN Thanks for thinking of me.

Welcome Happy and House hope you find support on here.

In all the years I have been struggling with BED I feel I have 'advanced' more in the few months I have been on this thread than all the threapy/books/regimes I have tried before.

This weekend I feel different. I feel aware just how many different shapes and sizes people come in. Previously I would have been so fixated on promising myself I'd be thinner next time that I wouldn't notice others/ or I would just assume they are all beautiful/slim etc.

Also I have let myself eat unrestrictedly and have found it has reduced the appeal of eating other stuff I don't need.

I am feeling a bit tense about next week. Still busy with and DH has to go away. So I'll be in charge of the DC. They will be in childcare, but even so he does shoulder a lot at home.

Have brought my laptop with me, but haven't go it out. Trying to have a complete break.

Had a good session with my business coach last week and we talked about planning properly. I know when I am stressed that goes out of the window. So hoping that if I do that I will feel less stressed and be less likely to overeat. DH being away is a danger time as it means 'access'.

I think by the sounds of it Margo (although your worried) you may find next week a little easier than previously. You have come so far and done so well. You have done that and made the changes. Reading how your outlook is changing made me smile.

I understand the feelings regarding DC on your own. My DH does a lot, just a night away can make me nervous. I focus on the things I like, bed to myself and going at my own pace. Watching what ever crap I want on tv guilt free is good too. Don't forget we're here too. I hope you have a lovely weekend.x

carrie thanks, could you send me some it sounds lovely. I need to make a stew this week I think, cold weather is always a good time for that. Must remember to do potatoes separate, last attempt I suceeded in making meaty baby food.

You sound more positive margo. I hope next week goes ok.

Not been feeling very well today. Just feel sick and sluggish and a bit sorry for myself. Dh is nights so I have put fresh bedding on, just had a shower and getting into clean night clothes and will go to bed and read. I need the extra hour in bed. And I really love getting into a nice clean bed and having it all too myself. Funnily enough the bedding always needs changing when dh is nights.

Can I join in?

I had a typical day. Porridge for breakfast, tomatoes on toast for lunch. Then I was home alone and ate two cheese sandwiches.. I made myself ill and then had grilled mackerel with salady bit's for dinner.

I'm fine until I'm on my own and then I just can't stop myself. I always try to remember that I CAN stop but I never do. And that there's no point being sick because it doesn't help.

I used to be obsessive about calorie counting but have knocked that on the head. I'm fine so long as I can stick to my breakfast and lunch 'guidelines'. Dinner isn't so much of an issue.

My partner has a real sweet tooth which doesn't help.

Phew! I haven't read the threads... just saw your title and ta da...!

Can I join? recent namechange but longtime mner. Really struggling at the moment and hating that I'm 5 stone overweight.

It would be lovely to have you both join us. We're very much an open group. Welcome .

I will chat properly tomorrow, currently trying to get DC to go back to sleep. So glad we have an extra hour, hope it works out well for everyone. purple that's my idea of heaven. I hope you feel better tomorrow. night ladies.x

Welcome Happy, Agrestic and Recovering - seems like a lot more people are joining since the thread's shift of topics!

Recovering you haven't told us much about your situation, but Happy and Agrestic, you both sound as if you are trapped in the cycle of restrict/binge which is a result of the 'diet mentality' that Purple describes so well above. That's not to say it's the only reason for bingeing, but it typically plays a huge part. Letting go of the idea that we must lose weight, and that the only way to do this is to control and restrict what we eat, is a tricky process, the 'eat less move more' idea is so ingrained in us from such a young age, but it is this that needs to be addressed as the first step to healing. Try and think of putting aside the idea of losing weight as a temporary experiment if it seems to big a thing to just change. Trust me, everyone who has been on this thread for a while and made progress struggled hugely with the idea at first - and most of us don't let go of the goal of weight loss completely. That is ok, but there is a scale of acceptance of your body as it is now, with utter hatred at one end (from which point it is very difficult to take care of yourself properly), through to complete comfort and love at the other - a nice goal to aim for, but feeling that way, especially all the time, every day, is probably a little unrealistic for even the most 'perfect' women . The closer we can get to it the better though!

Happy - you don't mention breakfast in your post - scrambled egg on toast (how many eggs?) is a decent meal, veg cous cous is ok, but added together as your meals for the day, they provide very little fat and protein. Same thing with your porridge and tomatoes on toast Agrestic - neither of you (based on this little bit of info at least) are giving your bodies what they need, major hunger signals are pretty inevitable. So are you up for changing the approach? Instead of fighting your appetite to try and shrink your body, think of nourishing yourself, taking care of your body from the inside, no more calorie counting, weighing or avoiding particular 'bad' foods? Work with your body rather than against it?

Purple I had the bed to myself last night too, too lazy to change the sheets though . Do you think you are on a bit of a comedown afetr all the stress of the job application? Was it feeling a bit under par that brought on the binge do you think? Or possibly your thoughts turning back to your weight now the work stuff is more sorted? Are you getting out for walks much?

Mrs you sound like you are doing so well - following on from my link the other day there is another beautiful 'plus size' (18) model in today's Sunday Times Style mag, her agent talks about how when he is out with 'normal' models people stare at them because they look so odd in RL, like aliens because so tall and skinny (true IMO), but this girl literally brings traffic and rooms to a standstill because she's so damn hot!

With regard to next week Mrs, focus on being enough, not supermum (remember she doesn't exist ). Plan as much as you can (meals, activities, school stuff needed each day on a list), breathe through it, you will be fine . What do you think about having a 'planned' binge, give yourself permission, one night perhaps, but have the choice open each evening as to whether you want it? If you decide you do need it then make it an occasion, a date for yourself if you like - light a candle, put some music on, sit down and use your favourite plate and cutlery, take a small portion at a time from the cupboard/fridge and repeat as you want...completely switch the fear of 'access' into a relaxed idea of 'freedom' - of making your own choices, no judgement from anyone - least of all yourself . Once you stop fighting the urge so hard, it may go away, if it doesn't then use the binge as a learning process, try and examine what you are feeling before during and afterwards, what does it give you?

carrie it sounds like you really enjoy cooking, me too - it sounds like you need to work on slowing down and enjoying eating the lovely food you prepare , perhaps make that and sneaking in some more veg your priority this week .

I think it probably is a bit of a come down, and yes I have started thinking about weight again more. I have been walking a bit but not as much as I'd like. I do park my car about a mile away from work so each working day I do get 2 miles walking in which is better than nothing. If the weather is ok I walk around the park in my meal break too.

fighting, you talk of liking yourself more (also Purple and Mrs) - would you agree with my description of the 'scale' of body acceptance? Where would you have put yourself on it at the beginning of all this and now and have there been any moments that you recognised as 'clicks' moving you along it? I wonder if they might help those just starting their journeys here....

Hi sleep, I hope you have had a good weekend so far. Even after all this time, I still love to read these posts. It's like a little revision.

How is everyone else doing? It is wonderful to see so many people finding us and feeling read to take the first steps to recovery. I think the sucess of this thread and indeed the Eating Disorders topic as whole has been lovely to see. There are so many of us battling all kind of disordered eating. We now have somewhere we 'belong' and can chat without fear of the 'just eat less and don't be lazy' brigade appearing.

I wonder if those that told me it wasn't needed or 'right' to have Eating Disorders as its own topic when I asked / harassed MN would think differently now? I haven't mentioned it before as my fear of my achievements has held me back but I do have a feeling of happiness for those posting, getting help and pride that I pushed for something that is helping so many people under the umbrella Eating Disorders covers.