Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Hi too to Puddle . What are your thoughts after reading through the first thread?

Aww I had great fun!
Been prancing about a cemetery in a cape this afternoon which caused one guy to stall his car. Twice
Think I have a chest infection, coughing like nothing else and wiped out
Don't want to eat so have got some soup and juices

sleepwhenidie I am quite new to Overeaters Anonymous, just two meetings and spent the first one telling myself (silently) that I was not like the other people in the meeting. I was not addicted to food etc.

Went home and determined to do it myself, show them I could! Went well for 5 days and by about the day before the meeting I suddenly went into eat over drive.

The website can probably tell you heaps more than I can.

OA tell more.

Is OA for you?

I've been to just two meetings and not sure yet if it is for me! So really not trying to persuade anyone to do it!

But you asked so to kick off it seems to be all about realising you cannot do it alone, and finding a higher power to help you plus support from the group (who meet weekly usually I think). For those with a faith they would call this higher power God but people sometimes have no faith so they look to to the universe, perhaps OA itself as a structure outside themselves, basically it is not all down to you, because 'you' as in 'me' has failed many times before. The bit of me that wants to go it alone, do it myself, finds this actually one of the hardest bits to get my head around. And even as a Christian the idea of letting 'God' be in charge of this bit of my life is very hard! Once you realise you can't do it alone you ahve a chance to get help (that is the theory maybe! So 'you' (in this case 'me') go to meetings, talk to others, follow a step by step plan which they provide and find your own eating plan that works for you (which they do not provide).

What is interesting is that when you go in the meeting there are no scales, no pictures of food or recipe ideas and people are not encouraged to talk about specific foods or go into details of food as it can be triggering for others. As someone who impulse eats it is triggering for me to think and hear about foods! I would watch programmes like 'A year to save my life' and see some poor bloke who was 25 plus stone eat a fried breakfast and think 'Poor soul' then think 'You know I really fancy some bacon'!!

You also are encouraged to get a sponsor at OA, who is someone who is also doing OA and is further along than you.

Meetings are free but a donation is taken for room hire etc. You do not need to become a member by signing up to anything or believing anything or having anything - other than having a desire to stop overeating compulsively. I went with a totally non-religious friend and she really liked it.

Anyway sleepwhenidie that is probably enough to (pun coming) whet your appetite!

I was told by nurse today my blood sugar is too high and I may have diabetes. They are going to check again in a week. This is a real kick up the backside for me to get my eating disorder sorted!

Thanks for listening.

No problem I'm really interested Italian and I am very wary of coming across as trying to persuade anyone out of a 'solution' that feels right for them, different things work for different people in all areas of life! I guess my issue with OA is the 'addicted to food' aspect. I think it is possible to be addicted to certain foods, such as sugar, caffeine, sugar and fat combinations (and some people, scientists even would dispute even this) but I struggle with the idea of being addicted to food in general, it is after all, something that is essential to life!

On the spiritual aspect, I agree to an extent, but with clients I come at it from a sense of being able to let go of trying to control everything and trusting the universe/fate a bit more. Of believing that generally things happen for a reason and that most of the time, everything will be ok, although we all have ebbs and flows of good and bad times in our lives. Certainly when situations cannot be in our control this outlook can result in less anxiety and less of an urge to binge which is so often a result of a need for control . When it comes to 'true addiction', AA and NA, for example, the spiritual aspect seems, from what I understand, to be essential.

I kind of feel at the moment like I need more control with my eating. I think I' am binging less, and being structured about meal times. BUt I'm still 5 stone overweight... so I must be eating the wrong thing/too much?

I think I've had such a disordered relationship with food I dont even know where to start with making it better. Its not like we live on takeaways or processed food, but I'm so very big.

I kind of what a "plan" to follow, with what to eat. But the overcoming book doesnt want you to "diet" at all..... and it feels a vicious circle.

I so so so want to be "normal" again.

You think you need to control it recovering but a huge step forward is letting go of that control because for the majority of binge eaters (however they define a binge), it is this that causes a big problem.

You need to let go of the idea of weight loss for a period, with your objective being to look at everything else first. Almost as if someone said 'right, you are going to be the weight you are now for the rest of your life'. To be fair, if you have been trying to lose weight and 'manage' your eating the same way (diet, restrict, succeed/fail, lose/regain/binge) for years and years, this probably wouldn't be far off the truth , because if it hasn't worked so far, why on earth would it suddenly start now? So trust the process, put aside the idea that you should weigh 'x stone' and

Sorry...and look at other aspects of your life and try to look at food as a friend...it can provide your body with great things and it can comfort you when appropriate....

Well my "I think I have a chest infection" was right
Two nebulisers, steroids and antibiotics later I'm feeling slightly better
Note to self, don't ignore feeling crap

Sleep - I'm happy to change habits long term rather than for say, a few months (I've got so much weight to lose it would need to be long term anyway ;) ) I'm just not sure what the way to change is.

Nothing seems to be really working so far - several times a month I;l think, "right thats it, I really really want not to be this large/unhealthy," but I don't quite seem to sustain anything and not really sure what are the changes I should be making.

I'd be gutted to be this weight for the rest of my life. I had initially hoped to lose it before x started reception, then over summer, then by yr1... I want the kids to grow up with a healthy mum doing outdoor activities... Not me :(

Sorry Good about the chest infection. I had one last year I ignored for too long (asthmatic and it crept up on me without me realising). I hope you feel better soon, hopefully with after the course of steroids all will be well. x

Oh goodas . Take care of yourself and get better. Do not make the mistake of throwing yourself back into exercise before you are properly better, it will just leave you at half strength, frustrated and likely to come down with something else . Remember that exercise tears down muscle (ie does infinitesimal damage to your body) and you get stronger during recovery, your body can't fight a chest infection if you keep damaging it and placing extra demand on it that way . Your trip sounds like a load of fun!

Recovering, to repeat what Fighting said, don't underestimate the great progress you have made by eating regularly and bingeing less. Then remind yourself this will be a slow process so try and be kind and patient with yourself. Tell us about yourself, what's your family situation, do you work? What would you consider a binge? How do you view food? Are you a fast, medium or slow eater? What do you enjoy doing for fun/pleasure?

MrsM how was your week with the DC's? and yours Fighting?

I'm lay down "resting" (not very good at this)
Feeling sick but I think that's all the medication
Doctor was a very brave man who bollocked me whilst I had a neb so I couldn't answer back and said I should have come in days ago and not gallivanting about the country
I have to ride the horse on Monday but will take it easy, back to work Monday night

Hi Sleepwhenidie you said ".... but with clients I come at it from a sense of being able to let go of trying to control everything and trusting the universe/fate a bit more."

Can I ask what type of clients? Are you a dietician/fitness trainer/something else?

I am glad you are interested in hearing about OA but I am really not keen to try and 'push' OA on anyone I am a total newbie to it so please do not see my comments as an advert or anything.

Yes, I too was not really sure about the idea of being 'addicted to food'. I guess for me there are two slighhtly different meanings to addicted. Physically addicted, which would apply to drugs and alcohol etc and I think would also apply to some foods because they are, as you say, high in sugar, caffeine, and/or fat. Yes, food is essential to life and good for us but too much food is not essential and is also not good for us. The definition of addiction is ...

"The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity..."

So for me although food is indeed something that is essential to life! the habit of sticking a lot of food in one's mouth without being able to stop, is a kind of addition. I spent most of my first OA meeting feeling like I did not belong there, was not really addicted to food and did not have a problem. I went home and thought I can do this alone and for about 5 or 6 days I could. Then I caved in and started shoving stuff in my mouth! I don't exactly binge like people really mean binge. I just graze a lot. I trace my problems back to OCD I had in my teens and early twenties. I think I swapped the hand-washing and door checking for eating.

You said "When it comes to 'true addiction', AA and NA, for example, the spiritual aspect seems, from what I understand, to be essential."

There is an AA for agnostics and atheists, it is called aaagnostica. I just found it the other day when I was looking for the origins of the 12 steps.

aaagnostica.org/

In terms of addiction I am not sure if am addicted to eating and think I can stop but can't or I am not addicted, could stop but choose to continue! either way it's not good so I am looking for anything that can help me at the moment.

Recovering sorry to hear that. I am 4 or 5 stone overweight and quite short look very round. I saw myself on video today and I look massive. In my head I am tiny!

PS I am not a member of AA and don't have a problem with alcohol, and in fact I am not keen on it any more! I am also not an atheist or agnostic! i am actually a Christian but found AA for agnostics and atheists when I was looking for something else!

Even as a Christian I found the idea of sort of let go and let God, quite hard to get my head around!

Italian I am an Eating Psychology Coach and try and help here, like you with the OA I'm not pushing 'my way', but most of it crosses over with other ways of tackling disordered eating and posters seem to like having me to bounce off and sometimes suggest a different way of looking at or approaching an issue.

My training centres around the fact that whilst what you eat is important, food/weight/eating issues aren't about food, they are there to call your attention to other areas in life that need attention, be it something that has happened in your past, or a situation (work, relationships, lack of fulfilment in other areas - perhaps creative, spiritual, sexual, intellectual or physical aspects for example).

That's interesting what you say about AA for agnostics, I hadn't heard of that. I suspect the effectiveness of OA boils down to, as you say, whether you believe you are addicted to food.

Sleepwhenidie thanks.

I think a lot of this boils down to what the individual 'sufferer' 'dieter' 'overeater' thinks/feels.

I think the linguistic or semantic aspect of AA is perhaps that those who do not believe in God at all find it harder to think of a 'higher power' yet by being part of a supportive group they have kind of acknowledged they cannot do it alone.

What would your professional opin be of me, Sleepwhenidie? If you have time. Thanks.

opinion!

That's a loaded question! I would need quite a lot more information before I started giving any opinions . The purpose bingeing serves is different in all cases. If you read through the last thread, you'll see insights coming out from each poster as it goes along, whether it is things they are discovering for themselves through the process of trying to heal, or things that others here have suggested might apply. Control is almost always a feature and so is a cycle of dieting, beyond that it varies hugely. Fighting for example has identified close relatives as hugely (negatively) influential for her (and has distanced herself physically and emotionally in order to help her recovery) and also a change of job prompted quite a big shift forward. There are different things at work for other posters though...if you hang around and I get to know you better then if be happy to give you my thoughts.

One thing I would add, I've worked with someone with OCD, she didn't have disordered eating but there are parallels and the 'secret' definitely lies in trying to find out what is underlying the impulse. There are two books I can recommend to see what you think of them, The Gift of our Compulsions by Mary O'Malley and Eating In The Light of The Moon. See if anything in those resonate with you .

Hi all, can I join this thread? Reading through this thread and your last one has been really interesting, and resonating, and brought tears to my eyes! (But I have also scoffed all the biscuits I bought for friends coming round later to watch downton while I read it!!)

I have had cycles of binge eating since being a teenager. I have a 4 month old son, and am eating quite well in terms of my meals each day, but supplementing them with loads and loads of snacks- up to 16 Mars bars a day. It has made me realise I need to get this sorted, before my sons learns unhealthy eating habits, so I am fit enough to play with him in years to come and so I am still around when he is older. I am breastfeeding, and keep feeling racked with guilt about the impact of the junk on him, but a bit unable to stop eating. Untill now that is, hopefully...

Sleep and Fighting - thanks for the encouragement :) And the reminder to be kind and patient - I'm not good at either!

I'm currently a SAHM. Financial position not as good as it was. Lots in life not quite as I'd hoped it would be, difficult family, but wonderful husband and children.

I had a tricky situation I dont really understand about myself today. Since reading the book I am a lot more mindful of what is going on, and more aware of the disordered eating.

Today we went to a pub for dinner after a day out. We weren't doing starters or puddings or anything, it was simply a "need to eat on the way home" type meal. I had a burrito and had eaten most of it before taking child to the loo. When I was there I was aware I had eaten enough and was full, decided to leave what was left. However once sat down I had the little pots of guacamole /salsa/sour cream and just couldnt leave them and finished eating it all. There was nothing wrong with that per se - its just I couldnt follow through with a decision I'd made in the light of what my body was saying. I later felt such a failure. It was only a small bit left but it must be greed/must have it now/something.

I'm not great at delayed gratification in general but I wish I could master my own impulses with food.

Any thoughts?

I also tie myself up in knots about preparing/cooking meals. I never ate ready meals growing up so haven't ever bought jars/ready meals and it wouldn't really occur to me. Yet I struggle with the time/thinking space for real cooking, so perversely probably end up eating worse as we have a v simple tea and then I might snack later on brie and crackers.... or a packet of crisps (which is hardly made from scratch ;).

So I wonder if my "rules" in my head about not buying sauces etc are helping or I ought to give in more, and then worry that that's worse for my body so really ought to master batch cooking... but never remember recipes so have to google each time and suddenly it becomes an overwhelming thing!

Welcome Dragon (seems less confusing than 'Sleeping' with me here . Congratulations on your LO. It's a wonderful but tough time, sleep deprivation plays havoc with appetite and cravings though. How do you start each day wrt the mars bars, is there perhaps a process of 'I'm going to be good today', then 'just one, I deserve it' then 'screw it, I've had 2 so I may as well give up and start again tomorrow? How much do you enjoy Mars bars?(may seem like an odd question but it's surprising how often people binge on food they don't even like, a bit in the vein of self abuse discussed earlier, it has nothing to do with pleasure....) How would you describe your thoughts and feelings about it? And about life in general?