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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

I approached a friend about being a donor but now we’ve decided to try a relationship first

225 replies

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:00

Good evening,

Some background on me, I am 36 years old and a couple of months ago, actually almost three months ago, I approached an online friend of mine who lives in another country (we’ve never met but have been online friends for nearly two decades now) asking if he would be a sperm donor. We spent about eight hours talking that evening and we decided to try and meet for the first time and try to see if we can get into relationship first before going down the donor route. We’ve agreed that no matter what happens we will be parents together but have any of you experienced this i.e. a potential or actual becoming a romantic partner instead? Since that day; at least once a week, sometimes twice, we will spend up to 15 hours speaking with each other in one sitting.

We have video chatted and spoke on the phone and he’s spoken to my mother and he’s told his mother about me.

TL;DR I approached an online friend about being a donor but now we’ve decided to try a relationship first before we have children together.

OP posts:
Mehmeh22 · 28/11/2022 19:35

Apart from the doner part, I've given you the outcome of a similar situation

SD1978 · 28/11/2022 19:35

Having a baby on the other side of the world means when it goes tits up you can't leave. You're stuck in a foreign country, alone. And raiding a baby. I absolutely would not do what you're suggesting. For 29 years you've never considered a relationship, why the hell would you now and involve a child?!

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:35

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:29

Ideally I wanted to be married first and this way the child/children could have a father but if we get together first it could work well between us

Oh sweet Jesus. You are serious aren't you?
Update the thread when it all goes tits up. I want to be the first to say I told u so. But seriously, seriously hope it all goes wrong before a baby is bought into this.

You haven't told your dad because he won't play along with this insane game and deep down if you really thought it was wise you would have no problem telling him.

Why hasn't your friend been snapped up already? He would be if he was worth having. Ir perhaps he is, you wouldn't know as you really don't know who you are talking to when your relationship is online.
Sheesh

bellac11 · 28/11/2022 19:35

15 hours?

Oh come on

I dont even talk for 15 hours to my OH and I live with him

This is teen drama llama stuff

(if real)

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:36

That’s what I want to do. Meet up to get to know each other first before making such a big commitment

OP posts:
RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 19:37

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:36

That’s what I want to do. Meet up to get to know each other first before making such a big commitment

How would that work? Say he comes to the UK and you hit if off.

How soon will you start TTC? Which one of you will be moving halfway around the world?

getoutof · 28/11/2022 19:39

What the hell have i just read? Poor kid

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:39

I was dating people over the years and he was with someone for almost 10 years of our online friendship. And your attitude to whether someone have been snapped up or not is quite dangerous considering the number of women in their 30s that haven’t met the one yet, on this very site.

And I haven’t told my father yet because the relationship between he and I is very, very strained.

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 28/11/2022 19:39

I think you need to meet him first and see if there's any chemistry between you. Go on a few dates, see if you actually like the real person as opposed to the online person. I've done online dating and I've often built up a picture in my head about the person that simply doesn't match the reality - body odour and fag breath for one.

You're going straight from online chatting to having a baby. Please don't. By all means, have a lovely trip to his home country and see how things go, but don't go with the plan to get pregnant by him. An anonymous donor in the UK is much safer.

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:39

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:34

I wanted to see if anyone else had found themselves in a similar situation

Even if someone here had done it , and it was successful you understand that doesn't mean it would be for you!?! You don't get that do u?

🙄😳😫

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:39

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:39

I was dating people over the years and he was with someone for almost 10 years of our online friendship. And your attitude to whether someone have been snapped up or not is quite dangerous considering the number of women in their 30s that haven’t met the one yet, on this very site.

And I haven’t told my father yet because the relationship between he and I is very, very strained.

Dangerous? Pa!

IWasFunBeforeMum · 28/11/2022 19:40

Why not just say which country? Because it's obviously one where people would kill for a visa and he's got his eye on one via you and this baby. What a joke. Poor future baby. Legally this is going to a mess when it breaks down which it will.

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:40

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:39

I was dating people over the years and he was with someone for almost 10 years of our online friendship. And your attitude to whether someone have been snapped up or not is quite dangerous considering the number of women in their 30s that haven’t met the one yet, on this very site.

And I haven’t told my father yet because the relationship between he and I is very, very strained.

I bet, poor dad

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:40

I’d have no problems moving to his country if it worked. But you have definitely honed the idea for me that we need to meet first as a get to know each other before doing anything exceptionally serious

OP posts:
RoyKeanesBeard · 28/11/2022 19:41

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:23

Thank you for your words. It’s funny; in my real life almost everyone has been extremely supportive

To your face.

They're probably quite concerned for you but trying to be supportive.

RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 19:42

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:40

I’d have no problems moving to his country if it worked. But you have definitely honed the idea for me that we need to meet first as a get to know each other before doing anything exceptionally serious

Well i don't see how you could have the baby and not meet first lol

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:42

I’m trying to keep some anonymity but he’s from a 1st world country with a passport that people would kill for. No one is trying steal citizenship and for the record I would move to where he is if it worked

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/11/2022 19:42

If it is Australia look into what would happen if your child ever goes there. You would need his permission to leave the country. If he changed his mind then your child would be stuck in Australia until they turn 18.

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:43

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:36

That’s what I want to do. Meet up to get to know each other first before making such a big commitment

Even if you " meet up" lol do you understand that this is neither here nor there?! Let's imagine the first meet up is a success there's instant Chemistry and you get on better in real life than online (which is a big if btw). Do u understand that this is still noway to base having a marriage a child on? Do you?! No u clearly don't.

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:43

Well he’s coming here to meet me first

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 28/11/2022 19:46

This is bonkers.
just imagine you did get pregnant. Presumably he needs a visa to live here as would you to live there. Have you thought about that?

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:47

I would move to his location but you have all given me a lot of food for thought

OP posts:
Blocked · 28/11/2022 19:47

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:43

Well he’s coming here to meet me first

Don't let him get you pregnant and then stay indefinitely while he's here...you don't know if he's a cocklodger or violent or anything.

SD1978 · 28/11/2022 19:54

I'm guessing Australia or NZ....both are Hague countries. Leaving because you want to go back home after you have a baby if it all goes tits up wont happen. They will make you stay there as it's in the best interest of the child. Worse case scenario you're stuck in a country with no support and can't leave. And regarding your job- would you need to basically work nights to be able to communicate with people back home? There's a 9 (or 11) hour time difference

MumUndone · 28/11/2022 19:55

I don't get why this is such a big deal, OP was planning to have a baby by sperm donor anyway, and people get pregnant by people they hardly know every day, what's different? She didn't say she's moving overseas so why's that relevant?