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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

I approached a friend about being a donor but now we’ve decided to try a relationship first

225 replies

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:00

Good evening,

Some background on me, I am 36 years old and a couple of months ago, actually almost three months ago, I approached an online friend of mine who lives in another country (we’ve never met but have been online friends for nearly two decades now) asking if he would be a sperm donor. We spent about eight hours talking that evening and we decided to try and meet for the first time and try to see if we can get into relationship first before going down the donor route. We’ve agreed that no matter what happens we will be parents together but have any of you experienced this i.e. a potential or actual becoming a romantic partner instead? Since that day; at least once a week, sometimes twice, we will spend up to 15 hours speaking with each other in one sitting.

We have video chatted and spoke on the phone and he’s spoken to my mother and he’s told his mother about me.

TL;DR I approached an online friend about being a donor but now we’ve decided to try a relationship first before we have children together.

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ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:24

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:23

Thank you for your words. It’s funny; in my real life almost everyone has been extremely supportive

So if in real life everyone is supportive why are u here asking strangers?

I don't believe you.

RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 19:24

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:23

Thank you for your words. It’s funny; in my real life almost everyone has been extremely supportive

Your parents have been supportive?

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:25

My older sibling has two children.

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Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:25

My mother is supportive but obviously has concerns and I haven’t told my father.

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Somuchgoo · 28/11/2022 19:26

Are you trying to write a romcom or something?

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:26

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:25

My mother is supportive but obviously has concerns and I haven’t told my father.

Telling.

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:26

And therein lays the reason I rarely post on message boards

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drpet49 · 28/11/2022 19:26

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:14

Yes I know it sounds crazy but we’ve been online friend since I was 20 and I’m now 36

Why has it taken 16 years for you to have met. This is so bizarre

ranyBoskie · 28/11/2022 19:26

Somuchgoo · 28/11/2022 19:26

Are you trying to write a romcom or something?

😂

heldinadream · 28/11/2022 19:27

Why haven't you told your father, us it because you expect him to hit the roof?

Mehmeh22 · 28/11/2022 19:27

I was in a LDR with someone online for two years and we decided to go to NZ together to make a proper go of it. Up until that point, we met each other in our prospective countries. We would spend HOURS talking online every day.

Within the first week I reallised I made a huge mistake but couldn't back out because I was too invested and also embarrassed. It was very different being online to living with each other. We had built up an image in our heads of each other and it was bitterly disappointing.

From someone who has done this. Don't.

gamerchick · 28/11/2022 19:27

Your job must really suffer if you're pulling 15 hour chats. Supporting a kid isn't cheap.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 28/11/2022 19:27

Other side of the planet?

I hate to be crude, but will his willy even reach that far?

IWasFunBeforeMum · 28/11/2022 19:29

What country is he in??

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:29

Ideally I wanted to be married first and this way the child/children could have a father but if we get together first it could work well between us

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Mehmeh22 · 28/11/2022 19:29

Your family are being supportive but believe me they are worried.

amylou8 · 28/11/2022 19:29

Where's he from? Is this a route to getting a visa for him?

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:29

We were friends and always dating other people

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holierthanthou73 · 28/11/2022 19:30

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:24

Almost everyone in real life has been extremely supportive

Then why do you need the opinion and approval from complete strangers?

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:30

No there are other factors involving the situation between my father and I.

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MsInconspicuous · 28/11/2022 19:31

If either of you haven't thought about a relationship for the 16 years you have been friends then chances are it really isn't going to work to be fair

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:32

Sorry to read this.

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bingobanjo · 28/11/2022 19:32

I have very close online friends of 10+ years so I get it, I don’t think it’s fair for people to be saying he’s a “virtual stranger”. I have to say though, real life can be very different - I’ve met friends where it’s instantly like we’ve known each other forever and I’ve met friends where it was awkward the entire time and never settled into the vibe we had online.

Watch some 90 Day Fiancé, it does not always go according to plan. I think meet up, but don’t even think about moving in together or having a baby until you’ve spent a good bit of time together in person.

Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:32

An English speaking country but on the other side of the world nevertheless

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Homemaker86 · 28/11/2022 19:34

I wanted to see if anyone else had found themselves in a similar situation

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