#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2908645--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-8
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2886793--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-7
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6
Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

London, I was on utrogestan 3 times a day until I was nearly 14 weeks. The trick is to lie down or at least sit down for as long as you can. Utrogestan come with really long applicators so at least I was sure the pessary was pushed as far as possible!
The stuff does eventually come out (and sometimes after a nice build up of a few days eeeek). Your body will get what it needs in the first 30min or so, after that it's just the waxy stuff that holds it together that comes out.
Nice stuff

Wonky, I've been so impressed at how well everyone at work has reacted. I work in one of the top retail banks and have LOTS of colleagues, some are friends, others not. People who know me said things like: oh I didn't know you had a boyfriend? I don't explain to others unless they mention 'my partner' at which point I explain there is no partner. I tend to say I used a fertility clinic and they say 'oh it's amazing, well done you'. Oh I joke about it, saying I chose an amazing donor to aim for a designer baby 😁. I haven't sensed any negativity, more awe and respect. A lot mention how brave I am and how I've done the right thing. Many also say they know someone who's done it or is thinking about it.
And then there is some sort of an IVF community as I found out how many of my workmates and acquaintances have done IVF (including some with donor egg/sperm) and in general they're very happy to talk about their experience with other IVFers. None of my friends were surprised, they know me well and know I wouldn't have done it without thinking about it. My friends with kids are just too excited about getting to meet another baby so the rest is irrelevant. They get the 'I want to be a mother more than anything'.

Sorry, long post but for all of you who sometimes might worry about this, rest assured that it's actually very easy and you know what, once you're pregnant you won't care about what people think!!!

pez how lovely to have had that support and reaction!

ever so had feedback from Katie on my form, and she thinks because of the implantation failure with seemingly good eggs, she thinks I should have the Hysteroscopy at Eu1650 at that would need to be in Greece as the aquascan can't pick up everything. This is not what I wanted to hear! :(
My considered opinion after thinking on this is that I wanted to change the eggs out for a donors, to see if it was a seed or soil problem, especially before going through more expensive and invasive testing.

If donor embryos don't work, then I'd have the Hysteroscopy, and depending on what was found might even try with my own eggs again.

I just don't want to spend another couple of grand on another test if it is an egg thing....

Does this sound sensible to everyone or am I being a bit of a twit?

Oh Stork :-( Another fly in the ointment is not what you need.
I think you should be allowed to make the choice of what to do. From speaking to others who have had treatment at Serum, a hysteroscopy is often recommended but my impression is that it is mostly for those ladies who have had miscarriages, or who have a definite diagnosis of the soil ie womb environment being the issue, rather than an IVF failure per se. I have chatted to someone who had an aquascan only for that to come up as more info needed in a hystero before proceeding, so in that sense you d end up paying for both, but an initial punt (if affordable and esp as your doing EA) is a good shout I feel. I know in your own case, seed or soil issue is just not known.
I would hope that the aquascan would show enough to reassure them, but may not be the absolute full picture so it is a gamble, but then an extra 2k is also so when in all likelihood there is nothing wrong!!! Serum have also told me they would allow me to do OE treatment again, and I may consider it. My god this journey at times.
And guess what??? Today I am reading about a woman who had a DD transfer (x2) and the result was 1 splitting into 3 for identical triplets and another single pregnancy. Yikes!!! God only knows what I ll do in the end, ahhhhh

Wonky have only ever had a negative reaction to having fertility treatment as a single girl on maybe a couple of occasions. I did only tell a select and trusted few friends to begin with, and these guys were well aware as it was a long term plan - that suddenly became a panicked one at age 37 (when I was found to have both low egg reserve and endometriosis). When I was more pregnant, then more knew and were supportive. Following my loss, a lot of these folks foxtrotted off but that is another tale!! Now I couldn't care less what anyone thinks, I know am a good mother, and will prove it again, and have a quality over quantity support network. You will be fine xx

Pessary leakages are a ballache!! I felt like a roman candle on 2 daily cyclogest. All normal

Kwik have to go up the thread to remember what you asked, as cant scroll up... just a sec

Stork, that sounds sensible. The most likely is that you got unlucky with your own embryos in the past and have no problem with implantation whatsoever (most of my 9 fertilised embryos which were rated grade 1 on day 3 made it to day 5 and yet only 3 were good enough to be transferred/frozen so that tells me that it's very hard to tell quality before blastocyst stage and even then a lot don't implant).

I spoke to a lady at yoga yesterday and she had ivf in Greece (because she's Greek and her and her husband didn't like the protocol they were offered on the NHS so they went private). She said the first transfer didn't work and for the second (frozen) they transferred 2 good quality blastocysts and only one took. So that shows that she didn't have a problem with implantation, it was more likely a problem linked to quality of embryos. She was 39 at the time of stimulation.

I would do the same in your situation.

London sorry realised you d asked about pessaries and I couldn't remember exactly. Necessary evil those things

Kwik In theory can do transfer in 1 day in Spain (bit nearer than Greece) but ya Id recommend preserving the A/L days, incase you go back and forth for FETs and the like.

wonky again.... Single IVF transfer is usually quoted at around a 33pc chance of success, dependent on fertility issues and age. Double embryo transfer - I guess in theory the figure should be nearer 65% . My clinic try and encourage a double transfer so hence the figure is a 65% success rate of a live birth - this is with DD tho (with the egg donor usually in early 20s). They do deal with difficult fertility cases and a lot of DD cases, so its hard to make a direct comparison

Pez did you have 2 embryos transferred to get mini Pez on board?

Thanks ever and pez. Exactly, I'm thinking give aquascan a punt along with embryo donation and see what happens!

Fingers crossed the scan doesn't say I need a Hysteroscopy!

pez Jesus, triplets, plus a single? That's an unfortunate reduction surgery right there!

Just the one ever. She was a 4BB embryo and therefore had a very good chance of implanting so the clinic didn't even give me the option of 2!
I think transferring a good graded embryo gives a success rate much higher than 33%. Everything I read was closer to 60%, can't remember if it was for BB ratings specifically or just blastocysts. But then then the live birth rate generally is lower than that, around 45%.
Let's not forget that most don't implant because of a quality issue with the egg so as you're transferring double donor or adopted embryo which would be of great quality I would be personally inclined to transfer 1 only.

You seem pez that's it exactly! All my research like yours shows the issue tends to be egg, not lining related in terms of implantation. That's why I want to give my lining a chance with other eggs before I spend lots of money on further testing.

My clinic were quite anti transferring 2 if they get to the blastocyst stage but were happier if it was at day 2/3. They also said that if you transfer 2 then having 1 bad one could make them both fail. I was quoted >60% for transfer on day 5 and ~35% if day 2/3 transfer. Obviously don't have data about DD though as not thinking of that yet.

stork sorry you've had more confusion, there are so many tough decisions in this process - you think you have a plan and then along comes another curveball/choice to make, with all the financial/practical/emotional considerations to rebalance! But I also think you're approach sounds sensible. I think it's good to trust your instincts sometimes, ultimately it is your treatment and it's important you feel comfortable with the way forward.

wonky I have also only had good reactions! Mostly I have been blown away by how positive and supportive people are - from friends and family, to work colleagues (the ones I've told), and random folks like my hairdresser! I've never had a negative reaction, occasionally people are a bit surprised or don't say very much, or I have had a couple of people say 'that's a very big decision' (oh is it? I just woke up this morning and thought I'd do it on a whim!) but nothing negative. Even my mum emailed me to say she'd told one of her elderly relatives to see what her reaction would be - it was 'good for her!!'

Having said that though, obviously not being pregnant yet I have been able to pick and choose who I have told - there are a few people I feel a bit anxious about finding out once I'm pregnant and can't hide it, anxious is maybe too strong a word - but people like my next door neighbour who I really like and would love my kid to get to know as she seems like an awesome granny to her own grandkids. Other people like more random work colleagues I suspect might be an bit surprised but I don't really care what they think. I've also been amazed how many people know someone else who's either done it alone or is considering it, I think it must be increasingly common!

I'm not ashamed of my decision and don't mind who knows how I've done it - people have children in all sorts of circumstances and my baby will have been very carefully planned and fought for! In fact, I normally think if myself as quite a boring person but reckon this us the most interesting thing I've done - people generally are just really fascinated and want to talk about it! Sorry rambled on a bit there.

ever wait, you mean FOUR babies?! Oh yikes! Talk about being outnumbered!

london i am not looking forward to the pessaries! I seem to have been given about a million of them! But glad you brought it up as now have some good tips :) Hope you're feeling reassured.

So my update is that I have the definite go ahead from my clinic, and my AF started this evening so am all ready for my baseline scan/starting stimms on Monday! Eeeeep. Please tell me it's totally normal to have a minor freakout at this point? After so long waiting and being desperate to start, I just woke up from a nap thinking 'omg what am I doing?! My life may never be the same again!'. But I've had other wobbles along the way and got this far, it's not going to stop me as deep down I know that it's just fear of the unknown, and that NOT doing it is much more scary to me. Eeep though!

I agree about egg quality - well at least that is what they tell me is the probable cause of my two miscarriages- hence why now I am going down donor embryo route.

If I think about all the tests I have done and forked out for (1.8k for a check of my womble under GA) I get

I will definitely only ever allow one embryo back in - my cousin has twins and I see how hard it is and she has a husband and her two parents on tap for assistance.

ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO snork!!!!!!!!

Yay snork good luck!

Wonky I've not been told of any particular delay re egg donation, not sure if that will become a factor but have my first appt for scan and AMH next Fri. However I thought it was as simple as calling up, going in for a scan then taking the meds and starting on the next AF, but have now realised that have to have many more bloods, have the mandatory counselling for using donor sperm, have time/appt(?) to actually pick the sperm, waiting for all these test results etc, so it is taking longer than I thought! Have delayed things myself by switching clinics. And they just take ages to get back to you all the time!

What are people's experience of the counselling we are supposed to do? Was it just one session?

I've only told people I'm close to so far and they were all really positive, even my Grandma who said 'I think it will be the making of you' (and I expected her to disapprove most, coming from an older generation). I have just told my (male) manager at work and he was also supportive, saying it was very exciting and offering his ear if I wanted to chat about anything. Like others have said, wider colleagues and acquaintances can think what they like. Bit concerned about acceptance at the school gates further along the line, but given reactions so far I'm optimistic.

Best of luck Snork!

Turtle, just to say that the counselling isn't mandatory unlike what some clinics want to make you believe. I haven't had it and I know several on this thread who haven't had it either. It's a personal decision whether you want it or not, I had done so much research before hand on all the implications of being a single mother and using donor sperm that I'm not sure what else they could have discussed with me.
This said, I know it has helped others so I'm not saying it's a waste of time.

turtle my counselling session was fine - felt more like a formality than anything, like pez I'd done tons of research before hand, the counsellor asked me a few questions like had I thought about how I would tell people etc and I rambled on and on about all the research I'd done while she struggled to keep up with me and took notes! It was just one session yes.

What I did find good about it was that it meant I had met the counsellor already - my old clinic offered 3 (optional) sessions with each cycle, I ended up using one of these when I was really struggling with setbacks and making decisions about my treatment. It was so so useful to be able to talk it all through with someone who had a good insight into the process (and helped me decide to switch clinics!!), and it helped that I'd already met the counsellor so I could just launch right in.

Oh also in my counselling session she showed me the picture book that the Donor Conception Network have produced to help you talk to young children about their origins, that was really good/interesting to see.

Forgot to say thanks everyone for the luck

turtle had 1 implications counselling session before embarking on IVF and one after my recent ish failed IVF cycle - the same counsellor as snork and I d already done my research too, prior to first session. Seems like light years away now. Now am doing DE treatment, this has not been offered or suggested with my clinic abroad, but having now read up on epigenetics, am not batting an eyelid, just know I can provide all the love for all genetic parties, as I am 1/3 of it anyway...the nurturing oven in which an embryo interprets its little world.

pez so strange the variants in success rates clinic vs clinic. I think I d have a greater chance than 30 pc with 1, but their rates reflect live birth of 65% for 2, most clinics do seem to be pregnancy rate in their glossy magazines. I ve no idea on these classification of embryo either because I think some clinics use 1 as top grade whereas others like yours use 4. Some just go on what they see and don't use a grading system. Will probably just go for 1, that was my gut reaction from the off.

snork was very matter of fact with the treatment protocol once I got started, and wasn't been thrown all the curve balls about starting. That is until the crunch bit of EC!! Oh and the first couple of injections, but you ll be dashing them off quickly in no time!! Exciting times!!

Snork, are you starting the injections tonight?? I started on CD2
How exciting you're finally starting!! I actually quite enjoyed the injection part as it felt I played an active part as opposed to my IUIs where all I was doing was peeing on OPKs! And then it helps reach the EC phase quicker and after that it's only a few days until transfer 😊

Ever, yes I think the grading for day 3 embryos varies from clinic to clinic (is that so surprising....) but I believe the rating of blastocysts is more consistent (I.e. One number for stage of blastocyst followed by 2 letters, the first one to grade the baby part, the other the placenta). My mini Pez will always be my little 4BB 😊

Thanks for all the info on reactions everyone. I have to say everyone I have told so far have been really supportive including my uncle who is very old fashioned - although he did wince a bit when I was talking about sperm donors!

Turtle Herts and Essex were very pro counselling and didn't want me to proceed with confirming a donor until I had had implication counselling. They gave me 2 names and one of them does over the phone counselling so I chose her. It was generally just a chat about my decision, the legal responsibilities, when I would tell the child etc but nothing I hadn't thought about. The blood tests do not take that long to get done. The results for everything will take less than a week so if you want to start earlier then you should put pressure on them.

My clinic made it mandatory to have it but like others have said it seems to vary between clinics. I found it helpful, i didn't learn anything new but nice to discuss things with a professional. What was also good was that we had one free session per try with the counsellor-I saw her 2 extra sessions which found so so helpful and got to talk about stuff that hadn't discussed with anyone else which really helped get my head in a better place for 2nd iui

Snork i still have moments of what the fxxk am I doing, how will I cope, is it fair, will I have enough money. But I know it's the right decision and prob the only way I'll ever have a bubs. Plus we have each other for support too :) it's such a massive life changing decision

pez start with the injections on Monday - the clinic are counting today as day 1 of my cycle as AF started yesterday evening, so will be day 3. Going for my scan first thung and to be taught how to do the jabs. I'm quite looking forward to the injections in a weird way - I know what you mean about feeling actively involved, I like to feel proactive.

pickle ha ha yes all those are worries that have popped into my head! But I figure any new parent to be probably has those worries as it's a leap into the unknown, but we'll be fine. Had to speak to the (new) clinic counsellor on Wednesday and she said she thought the stress had shaken my confidence. She also said I sound like an overthinker - yep!!! I'm so glad we all have each other, even my friend/birth partner was saying how glad she is I have you all!

Well Auntie Flo arrived today so I can phone the hospital to book my hysterosalpingogram when the appointments line opens on Monday. One little step closer hopefully!

Brand new shining thread everyone!!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/3004975--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-10

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