Called off the wedding - should I still attend his family wedding this weekend?

[TheEventMum]

Hi all,
I’m looking for some perspective and practical advice.

Yesterday I told my partner that I’m calling off our wedding and that I don’t feel able to legally commit to someone who doesn’t want to put ongoing effort into our partnership. We’ve been together for 5 years and have two very young children. This isn’t a sudden decision – it’s after a long time of asking for basic emotional effort, affection and engagement, which hasn’t changed.

The conversation was calm and amicable, but it’s obviously very raw and new.

The complication is that we’re due to attend his family wedding this Saturday. I’m now unsure whether it’s appropriate (or sensible) for me to go, given what’s just been said, especially as extended family don’t know what’s happening yet.

I don’t want to cause upset or draw attention away from the couple getting married, but I also don’t want to do the wrong thing emotionally or practically by turning up and pretending everything is fine.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

did you attend or decline?
what did you say if you didn’t go?
hindsight, what was the least awkward / least painful option?

I’d really appreciate experiences rather than judgement – everything feels very fresh and I’m trying to navigate this calmly, especially with young children involved.

Thank you.

Have you ended your relationship with him or just called off the wedding? How long until the planned wedding - were invitations sent out and have you/him told those you were invited that the wedding is cancelled?

Yes, it came to the point where I was thinking of postponing but came to the realisation that it was pointless to do that when I’ve been asking for help and support for a few years so no point dragging it out when I can’t change him… the save the dates were sent but that’s it. The wedding was due in June 2026. No we haven’t told anyone, like I said it raw

So did you end the relationship?

I would say so yes,

I’m reading that as you’ve ended the relationship. I think it’s best for you that you don’t attend. Alcohol, family and recent seperation sounds like a potential disaster.

I definitely wouldn't attend then. I don't think that would affect his family wedding unless he is likely to get wasted and make a scene. Even if he did, that would be on him and not you

If you’ve ended the relationship you shouldn’t attend his side’s family wedding.

Have you actually split up or just not ready/happy to marry him. If the latter, then you can still go, but will depend on whether your partner wants you all to go.

You sound pretty unsure about whether or not you've ended the relationship @TheEventMum . Are you hoping that cancelling the wedding will be some kind of wake up call to him?

I wouldn’t attend. If you don’t want to tell people about your separation yet let him go on his own and tell people you’re ill or something

If youve spilt up then no you shouldnt attend the wedding it would be wrong, its his family and his event to enjoy without his ex being there.

Send him with his dc and you can be "ill".

Honestly, I would send a message to his parents and the couple and state that you don’t feel up to coming to a family wedding so soon after your breakup, but you wish the bride and groom every happiness. Just act as though you assume he’s told everyone.

I think you should have married him, cynical though that is. You will have no claim on him and he will walk away with everything and you with nothing. Unless of course it's you that have the money in the relationship.

Don't go to the wedding, a bit of convenient illness, are the children meant to be going, that would make it more tricky.

the groom is a family friend, his mother and husband are best friends with my partners parents, all of my partners family are going - I’m just gutted as I’ve been wanted to go all year as it’s at a beautiful wedding and I get on with everyone going … my partner is just in denial and told me to arrange a taxi etc but he is an avoidant

You don’t sound very sure about the current status of your relationship, @TheEventMum …

I mean, presumably one of you will be moving out? And you’ll have to arrange how the children will be brought up, etc?

I’d say going to a wedding barely registers. Perhaps you’re still processing the reality of the situation?

Nope don’t attend the wedding.

If the relationship is definitely over then don’t attend. If you aren’t getting married but are working on staying together then I’d still go.

am I missing something ? Why do people say women should marry to get more out of it? The mortgage is 50/50, yes he earns more at the moment but the only reason I’m not earning more is because my babies have been young and I’ve had to go part time. We have no savings together and that’s it? So my parents would spend £30k on a wedding and then we would marry… then I’d ask for a divorce and have to pay for it to end up with the same as what I have now plus me paying my parents back?? So what am I missing???) someone help me answer this please ? Thanks

Just go, if you want to go. Your children will be related to your ex-partner’s family for ever, so it would be silly to disrupt that ongoing relationship if there’s no need.

(Assuming - thinking of the next twenty years - you do want your children to go on seeing their paternal grandparents and other relations?)

Only one poster has said you should get married. Why are you getting distracted by that? It’s not up to anyone on MN whether you marry this man or not. Your thread is asking whether you should attend a wedding.

Definitely don't go. Feign flu or norovirus. Let him and the kids go and use the day to put plans in place.

Definitely 100% this

Marry him but don’t do a £30k wedding. Do a £8k one or less (we did). He earns more than you and will have a bigger pension.

i would think about it a bit longer. In the meantime if your partner is happy for you to go to the wedding I would. If they said no then obviously it’s no

No I have a better pension than him! If I go full time I also will earn more than him! so basically what women are telling me is to marry a man to steal all his money? Is that right ?

One of you doesn't go. I'd say that as it's his family then he should be the one who goes. What he tells his family about your absence is up to him.