Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

He’s obviously having an affair. 2 week holiday with her, possibly.

If it was me I’d spend the two weeks while he clears his head clearing his wardrobe, drawers and half of any joint account. It’s ok for you to decide what you want too, he doesn’t get to choose. Sort out paperwork relating to his salary, savings and pension so you’ve a clear idea of all that.

Find your anger - when are you going to get 2 weeks to totally take a break? If this is an indication of how selfish he is, he’s not worth having back.

It sounds like the classic ‘script’ - rewriting history to say he’s been unhappy for aaaages, not in love etc etc, to justify an affair or wanting to start an affair. He may well have someone else. I’m sorry if it is this but be assured you WILL have a happier future even if it feels awful right now.

He's trying out living with her and if it doesn't work out he's got you waiting in the wings. Stop being understanding and prepare for throwing him out. You deserve better than second best.

I would drop your child of to his parents unannounced and go away for a few nights. Get them to ring your Husband.

My DH did the same thing when we had a 1 year old and 10 week old (bottle fed). He wouldn't answer his phone, so I dropped off my children at his parents and then turned my phone off and went and stayed with a friend for 4 nights. My DH was called within 3 minutes of me leaving and had to take the children for 4 nights by himself whilst not being able to get hold of me. I still look back at that time with pleasure.

Even if he isn't having an affair he doesn't love you anymore, doesn't care about his child & just fucks of when he wants.

What's the point in him coming back?

He's been staying with the OW weekends and she wanted a holiday so he's having 2 weeks away. Thing is Op, he may be lying to her too, she may not know you exist, after all he behaves like a single man. If there's any way you can find out where he is then use it, track his phone, call his work, look at the bank accounts, find him and go visit him. He's blown your life up, go and find out the truth if you can

I’m so sorry OP, you have been left high and dry by another useless twat who isn’t facing up to his responsibilities and you must be going through hell right now. You need to find your anger here as it will help sustain you through everything that is to come. I’d confidently gamble every single thing I own on him having an affair, literally not a single doubt in my mind. And no, he won’t admit to it, as others have said, he’ll conveniently “meet someone else” a few weeks/months down the line. A guy who is able to walk away from his child with barely a backward glance is absolutely not going to take responsibility for the fact that he’s having an affair.

What has happened to you is almost to my partner, his ex wife still swears to this day that she wasn’t having an affair with the guy who she employed at her workplace and she moved in with as a “roommate” in a flat with only one bed…They’re together now, coincidence apparently.

Don’t wait for proof, do what’s best for you and your child, this is not a guy who can be relied upon and you need to move forward without him asap. I hope you have plenty of support xxx

I think the first step is to accept that your marriage is over - he has left it, whatever he says. And he's probably going to try checking out on fatherhood too. Your first priority now is your DC. Practically that means looking at the financial and legal situation. Start thinking like a single parent, assuming you are the primary provider for your DC, and be ready to fight for your DC's interests financially with your ex. I'm sorry- I know it's awful to have to start thinking like this, but you have to do it.

Change the locks, make sure he can't empty any joint accounts, and play Beautiful South's A Little Time and listen to the lyrics

I will add to the chorus of he’s got another woman on the go. Oh the trauma he must be going through! What a load of baloney. These men are so cringe. I’m very sorry he’s a dickhead but you’ve got to accept nothing is going to be the same again and if you’re not careful he’s going to walk all over you. Start documenting things (particularly with regards to him seeing your child). Take half of the money out of any savings accounts. SEE A LAWYER ASAP. Tell people he’s left before he starts trying to control the narrative. And read about ‘the script’.

Have you got any suspicious of who another woman could be? Someone at work is the usual.

Its a lot and I’m sorry this is happening.

Can you track him? Snapchat? Life360? Any devices? It would be interesting to see if he's in Tenerife (with the ow).

Get your ducks in a row and see a solicitor now before Christmas as after will be busy!!

This

Of course he is having an affair.
He has left you.
I hope you work.
Tell family and friends he has left snd its over.
He is making a fool of you, tell people and take control of the situation.
Get advice.
Get paperwork together.
Lodge a CM claim.

This was exactly the first thought I had.
Telling you it's for 2 weeks is very precise.

Ignore the ‘affair’ posters. I was told the same, and it wasn’t true. But also, it’s really irrelevant, he’s told you he doesn’t love you and it’s therefore over. He sounds like a twat. See a solicitor. Divorce. Be much happier!

All of this
It's irrelevant if he's having an affair, he's a selfish arsehole

Yep…
he’s lodging his cock elsewhere. Change your locks & never let the bastard back into your home.

It’s not just his decision. You can decide whether you want the useless lump back.
He sounds pathetic. You’ll be happier without him and it will be easier without him.

hrs already sleeping with someone else. You know that right? Cherchez la femme.

There's always someone else when men do this. I'm sorry, OP - he's a prize twat.

As everyone has said, affair. They don't leave like that unless they have another one lined up. He's said a couple of weeks as he's hedging his bets to see how it goes with her when they are together all the time, if it doesn't work out exactly to his liking he'll be back. Don't take him back.

Change the locks. Immediately go to the sociliter and File for divorce. Tell him he’s not permitted to return to the house until it’s all legally settled.

You can't legally "change the locks" if it is his home, or prevent him from coming in.

She can’t change the locks, it’s his home assuming he is on mortgage or rental agreement.