Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

Of course will update the thread also if I find any affair proof but pretty hard when he’s phone / laptop are currently with him 🙄

So sorry, OP. It’s always men who have the luxury of clearing their head, isn’t it? If that’s even what he’s doing.

There is a lot of good advice on Mumsnet for getting your ducks in a row at this stage. You are not alone and I’m glad you’ve moved to the angry stage. Keep your dignity, don’t beg for him to come back, reach out to your trusted support network and start getting things in order.

You will get through this.

As soon as he leaves properly ask for child maintenance and if he says we will sort it say you either pay or im calling CSA tomorrow and do it, dont have him coming and going, i assume SHE doesnt have children!

I will keep the thread updated but as many of you have suggested, I’m kinda over him now anyway especially acting selfishly / cowardly like this and the things he has said about me and our child. So he has a shock coming to him when & if he comes crawling back.

Good for you!
You're quite right. Hold on to that anger. It'll sustain you.

Leave him. Everything is fine now, you, he, a healthy child. And he can't cope NOW? Leave him. What if things change in the future - and he needs to look after you or your child and be a tower of strength for you both? He won't be able to do it, he is a traitor and a selfish piece of shit. Get rid of him, split the assets and never look back. Lucky you found out now what he is, and not when you are old/ill/whatever and need major looking after.

I will keep the thread updated but as many of you have suggested, I’m kinda over him now anyway especially acting selfishly / cowardly like this and the things he has said about me and our child. So he has a shock coming to him when & if he comes crawling back.

Wow @ThatGirlx You sound amazingly sorted. More strength to you . He’ll realise what he’s losing - too late.

Be aware OP that you are married, all assets are classed as 'joint assets' and that includes your home, pensions, investments and savings. Unless anything has been legally ring-fenced, then there is no 'yours' and 'his'. Unless you can buy your husband out on his share of the mortgage, then you may have to sell the property, split any equity and move. However, if you have no family currently where you are living, could you move closer to family, so you have a support network around you?

This

Another day, another man absolving himself of all responsibilities and going off for a shag - sigh.

Hope you are ok OP you deserve better. You sound like you are emotionally detaching yourself from him which is probably a good thing, I wouldn't waste too much of your energy looking into the details of his affair. One of the things that my solicitor told me is that it is really common for men to hide it and lie and lie for a long as possible even when it is really blatantly obvious. You can spend a lot of energy getting nowhere. What difference does it make at the end of the day whether he started it this month or last month or he did it in this place or that place. It makes no difference to any divorce proceedings. The energy it takes you to got through his phone or pestering him for information could be spent on moving on and looking after yourself. He will lie to you, he will try to blame you for his behaviour, you don't need any of that. Why listen to his bullshit when you could be doing anything else?

Pack his belongings and deliver them to the rental. Instruct a solicitor and tell him you don’t want him back.

My heart goes out to you OP. Sending you a virtual hug.
You don't need or deserve this torture.
I don't say it lightly when I say that this is over for you.
There are better times ahead, I promise you.
Do you have close family or friends that you can share your nightmare with?
As others have said, you need legal advice for a separation pending divorce.
Please take care of yourself OP

I'm so sorry and sending you hugs

As others have said you need legal advice and to get the feathered friends in a row

Take care and good luck

You may not find affair proof but it is definitely happening.
I was living with my DP for a decade when he did similar. He was having an affair with an actress from The Worst Witch, who was 10 yrs older than me.
It didn't last though and I found out after about a year after he'd fully gone.

Sounds like the classic mid life crisis which seems to be striking earlier these days, he's singing from the same hymn sheet many of these men do and sadly, he probably is having an affair.

Get your ducks in a row and think hard in case he comes crawling back once he realises the grass isn't greener, many of them do.

You've got this!

Sorry OP, please focus on yourself.
This reminds me of someone who worked at the same place as me many years ago. They told their wife they were going on a two week residential course and disappeared on holiday with the OW. His wife needed to get hold of him for some emergency and when she rang his works, was told he was on annual leave. She managed to find out where he’d gone and turned up at the airport with friends/family to ‘welcome’ him home. We all heard about it when it blew up.

I agree it probably is an affair. But even if its not its very shitty selfish behaviour. Just do what you can only to what you can to provide financial stability for yourself and your child.

I could have written your post about 15 years ago.
I just want to give you hope that everything will in the end be ok.

You deserve a true partner. One who loves you supports you and who is your rock. This guy is not that person.

I would highly recommend stepping back. Don’t chase him. And start organizing yourself. Let him know that he is no longer welcome and you are going to move forward without him.

Don't let him keep his options open in this way.

The road ahead won’t be easy but we are here to support you.

15 years on my kids are grown up and we are incredibly close. They hardly see their father. He has been useless and distant.

I am remarried to the kindest sweetest man. He treats me like a Queen and could not be better for me. I feel very lucky and am so grateful my previous marriage ended.

Also be aware that if op starts claiming cms he might stop paying his share of mortgage if their is one.

what they actually need to do is calmly and civilly actually have a conversation

He'll have to pay though even if he is prepared to walk away from his DC too

He does come across as a selfish coward. You focus on yourself and your child.

Take back control. Show him the door. No coming back.

I'm so sorry to hear this 🫂
He is a massive TWAT, who I bet is having an affair 💯
He wants to appear 'nice' and say he's leaving and you don't understand him, he needs to clear his head, blah blah blah. Trust me he is shagging someone else, and they may have gave him an ultimatum (perhaps could be pregnant?) You just never know. 😠

Back to what we do know:

1. He walked out = you get the key back or change the locks.
2. He needs space = don't contact him and give him all his gear back.
3. He needs to decide what he wants = you see a solicitor and decide what you want going forward.
4. Being a father is too much for him = get your ducks in a row and get organised, as you may end up being a single mum, while he swans off into the night.
5. He's a self focused person = do not jump through hoops to make his selfish life any easier.

Sending support 💐

I wish people wouldn't say this

She absolutely cannot do this. They are married. The house if owned, is owned by them both

You cannot change the locks! Just stop giving out wrong advice!!