Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

He’s got someone else and your marriage is over. I’m sorry x

Do you want to move nearer to your friends and family?

If so, capitalise on the guilt (and other woman still wanting him) phase. He'll be most agreeable to your terms during this period.

Quite right, I misread that they own their own home 50/50. My apologies. 😇

I dunno why I thought that they rented 🙈 in which case she could have changed the locks (with landlords permission) and had the landlord keep hold of the spare key etc.

Edited to add: note to self, I mustn't skim read, and actually RTFT in future 🙈

I’m kinda over him now anyway especially acting selfishly / cowardly like this and the things he has said about me and our child.

I mean if you feel like that then an affair is immaterial in a way.

Just be prepared or or him "moving on" pdq if/when you split.

@ThatGirlx does he realise splitting up doesn’t mean he isn’t a parent anymore? He’ll
have to step up then. Ugh. I honestly think you will
be much better off without him and your child will do better to, but I understand it’s horrible to go through.

They don’t go anywhere unless a replacement is lined up. She’s there somewhere, waiting in the wings. Make it easy, take control, tell him he’s not welcome back in your life ever, and let someone else wash his underpants. Good riddance.

Feeling sorry for your situation OP.
Absolute arsehole cunt!
Sending you a friendly hug 🫂 and pillows to punch 👊🏼 🥊

I don't know how to sail into this in a more softer way.....
I would start divorce proceedings as soon as you feel you can (sooner the better obvs). And child maintenance.
He's properly checked out and although he has of your relationship, he spread his sperm and has a child now and absolutely shouldn't be able to shirk his responsibility.
Power to you lady! 💪🏼

It's so shit, how fucking dare he say he hasn't loved you for years.... Absolute cocking prick 🤬
This is not on you doll.... This is AAAAALL him x

Track the fucker... get evidence... private detective.
Pretend that you think this is a good idea... space to work out what he wants. Then rinse him for every penny.

I read your update OP.

He's behaving dreadfully and I'm sorry you are going through this.

But you sound a really strong woman who knows her, and her child's, worth.

And I 'm glad you are clued up about your financial position.

All best wishes to you going forward.

My ex hid evidence in his car and gym bag. If you get an opportunity to snoop, then I would look in those places as they are popular hiding spots for cheaters.

This. Absolutely this.

It won't be that long until he tells you. At least it doesn't appear that you will any custody battle.

I’m so sorry OP, I went through exactly the same. Is his passport still at the house, I would guess they are lying in the sun somewhere. It absolutely sickens me to think that men like him decide that fatherhood is suddenly not for them, your poor child and poor you, please take care of yourself and take him for every penny you can, time goes very quickly. I didn’t and am struggling now even though he was earning 150k a year

Oh yes, I remember finding their love letters and cards in the tyre well!

Can you follow him in car,or put a tracker on his car,I think they just stick underneath no wiring

I am so sorry for you and your children. Many posters have said affair-obviously they could be the case, but it might be he has a neurological condition, or severe mental health issues, otherwise there's no excuse for abandoning a family like this. There have been cases of decent men (and women) suddenly becoming awful, where it's turned out to be something like this (yes, as lots of people have posted, sometimes they were just bad people having affairs, but very occasionally, good people act badly for medical reasons). Can you talk to his family? I know you've suggested counselling, but of course you can't drag him there. If this horrible behaviour has come out of the blue, and you think it might be down to a medical issue, maybe his parents could talk him into seeing a GP,

He has someone else . Start contacting a solicitors , take time to organise your affairs while he is away , get paperwork’s in order and by all means get mad and upset because you should

Your priority now is looking after yourself and your child. I would recommend an application to CMS and filing for divorce as soon as possible.

Can you change the locks?

It's not as simple as that even if they privately rented unfortunately, re changing the locks. Apparently, they still have ' home rights' no matter what type of property they live in, until divorce or a court orders one of them to leave.

@ThatGirlx Good to read you're at the really angry stage now, try to keep that focus.

A poster above said this is war now, and I'm afraid you do have to look on it that way. Absolutely no point in trying to be fair because I can virtually guarantee HE won't be.

He will try to hide assets (especially if there is an OW).
He will try to tell you what you're entitled to, in the hopes you will believe him when he says you don't have the rights you do have.
He will get his version of the "truth" out to everyone and dismiss anything you say to anyone else.
He will tell the court about how much he has done to support you and your child, and how much parenting he's done, when actually he did near enough nothing.
He will probably spout on to all mutual friends that you were really a nightmare to live with, and he didn't say anything before out of loyalty to "the mother of his child".
He will plead poverty. I hope he isn't self employed, because that way he can hide most of his income.
He will cry to everyone he knows about how much he is missing the child he can't be naffed to visit. He may well tell everyone that you're the one preventing him from seeing the child, to garner more sympathy.

If you're lucky that will be most of it. If he decides he now doesn't just not love you, but hates you, he could get awkward in the best way he knows to control you - through the child. Things like refusing permission for you to go away on holiday or the child to go on a school holiday, constantly complaining to the courts & social services about how you aren't looking after the child properly, if he does see them keeping all the decent clean clothes you sent the child with to visit him & send them home in dirty & knackered clothing.

Wishing you good luck going forwards 💐

God I hate these threads !

whipping op into a frenzy that dies actually benefit her or least of all their children !

hopefully op will ignore most of it

Id say he will probably have a second phone. :(

Not checking in with the kids and parenting is not ok. I do not in any way condone this. However, he is allowed to fall out of love with you, and he is allowed to leave you. This doesn’t in itself make him an arsehole. It’s been two weeks. You’re effectively breaking up, there will be some crossover of staying away from the house etc. I understand your frustration but the ‘all out war’ approach on this thread is ridiculous.

I hope you start communicating soon and if it goes on any longer, or if god forbid it is an affair I’ll be happy to take my words back.

Chlamp, it's an affair