Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like he actually checked out a long time ago and I agree - most likely he's not by himself right now.

They do this - the book The Script is often recommended in these circumstances

You're in shock at the moment.

You need support, guidance and advice .

Reach out to close family and friends and let them know what's happened.

Get legal advice - see if a local solicitor does a free half hour session so you can get things straight re your rights.

And get the finances together and clear. Is he using family money to fund his behaviour?

Do you have job, income, savings, pension?

Separate bank account in your own name? (Start one).

I too think he’s having an affair.

please try and find the strength to take control and go to a solicitor.

good luck

I’m sorry to parrot what others have said but my immediate thought was that he’s having an affair.
It’s the classic script. I’m so sorry OP.
I hope he ends up miserable

This happened to me and it was an affair (one of many). Sadly he totally abandoned the DC. Even when OW dumped him, he was totally absent to the DC.

To be honest, I think you’re at stage 0.2 of processing the break up whereas he is at the final stage. Ie you haven’t come to terms with the idea of breaking up, whereas he not only has, he’s already beyond the point of return.

So basically what I’m saying is stop trying to be considerate of him or think that there’s any coming back from this. Your life now is basically being lumbered with the kids whilst he starts his new life. You are going to have to fight to get the arrangements you need to co parent separately and split assets and ultimately lead your own, separate life.

Right so he has been telling her for a while that he doesnt love her but the OP has what? Forgotten?!

Fuck off, he is cheating and rewriting history to justify it.

I am glad that you dont get this, and I hope that you never do.

Tell him not to go too far away for his 2 week break as he’ll need to be close by to parent your child 50% of the time.

Yup, he’s read you The Script and fucked off to play hide the sausage in (probably) the office junior. I’d go nuclear on this - stop trying to communicate with him. Get your ducks in a row, speak to a good solicitor and file for divorce. Take back your power and take the wind out of his sails.

You’ve always known he’s been self-focused but thought it was a good idea to saddle a new human being with him as a father? Why????

take him at his word that he’s disinterested in you and his offspring, and move on. But this isn’t entirely on him.

Way to put the boot in. Well done. 🙄

It’s not a trivial error.

Unfortunately the posters are probably right, he has been and is unfaithful and his cowardly behaviour is playing mind games and mental stress with you. Please focus on your mental health and also plan for your financial health being a solo parent. Please seek professional legal advice but also just as importantly seek counselling. Often the cheating father will gaslight you, tell you that he doesn't love you because its all your fault, get support so you are strong enough not to let these comments impact your self esteem and confidence.
While it's very scary at the start being a solo parent, you can do this and believe it or not you will come out stronger and happier. Don't waste money on a private investigator for something you already know unless you can afford it. If you both own your home do change the locks, often these men bring their OW to your home when you are not there.
Although many are recommending forcing child care on him, from experience it often backfires, the child/children know when they are not wanted by dad and find it upsetting being in a strange place away from mum with Dad acting strange and his girlfriend. Reach out to all your friends and organisations for support, set up your own daily weekly schedule and focus on your future. It's highly unlikely this man will ever be a good Dad to your child so you will have to be super strong and step up as both parents. Do not trust your husband at all, he will get nasty once lawyers are involved. Stay strong and ride this horrible rollercoaster you will come out okay in the end and your child will too.
I would rely on his parents for any support, often they stay on their sons side unless they are exceptional.

Sorry I meant i would not rely on his parents, your inlaws for support, they most likely will support their own son and believe his lies about you and his own behaviour

He’s always known he is self focused, he knew he couldn’t step up to parenting as he’s always been only bothered about himself.

yet he got into a relationship and then had a child knowing that!

This is totally on him.

Oh please.

As women we are 100 percent in control of who does/does not get the opportunity to be a father.

it behooves us to choose well.

Victim blaming at its finest! I hope you’re proud of yourself?

Victim? Seriously?

Yes seriously

You are actually saying contraception is totally the responsibility of the woman.

Incredible.

Exactly! Blame women for a man’s failings.

Men don't leave unless they have someone to go to.

You never once questioned what he was doing staying at friends places, when this was happening? He has been carrying on a full blown affair and staying with her on this weekends. No matter what he is saying.

It just so happens that this scenario fulfils the script 100% and it seems he has fallen out of love with his children too. Are you the OW?

Get legal advice and serve him separation and divorce papers demanding everything.

There is no remedy OP.
It’s well and truly over.
He wants you to get angry towards him so he can be the victim. He wants you to give him a reason for leaving him, in order to deflect his own inadequacies and betrayal. He wants you to be the baddie not him. Such a coward he is.

He is continuing to treat you appallingly and with utter contempt.
You must tell yourself you haven’t deserved any of it. He is filth on your shoe and never ever going to change and become decent as a husband or father.
Your child deserves a better life than with a lying, dilly dally father who can’t ever put him/her first.

Get yourself organised to divorce him. The sooner the better. He has repeatedly said he no longer loves you. Nothing could be more hurtful but you have given him too much grace with that and you now have some fast catching up to do.
Please don’t wait for the two weeks to be up. Use that bit of anger to act decisively and independently of him now. You owe him nothing.
It’s a very tough situation to be in. But believe me, you can do it !

Give yourself and your child a chance at a much better life. x

Same thing happened to me OP. He tried coming back when the affair ended but unfortunately for him I'd had enough of his shitty behaviour by then.
He's now living in a shit bedsit up north, the house and everything in it was owned by me outright.
It must be fun for him owning nothing in his late 50s and trying to get by on a basic income wage. Still....not my problem any more.