Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

It's the age old script, I would bet on there being someone else. Time to get your ducks in a row & take back control. While he is away do your detective work, get all your financial information, his payslips, bank statements, pension information etc, go through his pockets of any clothing he has left behind, the same for his drawers etc for anything that could give you a clue what he is up to, make an appointment with a solicitor & take all your financial stuff with you. Get a bank account in your sole name if you haven't already got one & get everything like your wages, child benefit etc moved to it, check your joint account to make sure he hasn't cleared it out, get cashback every time you go shopping & put it in your own account. I would file for divorce yourself & then present him with the papers, take his legs out from under him, the faster the better, stop him thinking he can come & go whenever he wants.

They always deny it. But of course he is.

Why do you want to be with him if he doesnt love you any more? He's a crap dad and a crap partner. Move on. Marriage counselling and forced fun cant make someone fall in love again.

Affair.

Divorce but make sure you get your hands on all relevant documents first.

Any wise woman would take on that responsibility and make sure she's protecting herself. Would you trust a man to take the same care? He doesn't bear the consequences; she does.

This post nails it.

So take control, get your financial ducks in a row, close your door to him, divorce him. In a year's time, when the other woman gets tired of him and his man-baby antics, he'll come crawling back saying how sorry he is and what a big mistake he made. This man is a liar. Once you get out of this dark tunnel, your life will be so much brighter and happier without him.

The others are right- he’s cheating.

Not loving you and not wanting to be a dad is part of The Script. He’s trying to develop a false narrative that you drove him to an affair and he’s not a bad guy.

There’s only one way out of this and that’s taking control. He’s being cruel right now because he knows you know but The Script says that they must deny until spouse has proof. The other women will emerge after the split and he will insist that they met afterwards as he wants to look like The Good Guy.

He’s made it clear that he won’t parent post split. Be prepared to do it all alone. He won’t mind you moving away as that’s another way that he can make himself look Good and you Bad.

Im so sorry but full affair. so gutless of him. Hugs

Take the bull by the horns and say well you have two weeks to figure out if you want to get divorced or not. If you do, let me know else let us get some marriage counselling and find a way forward.

Men love being indecisive and playing games. Don’t let him do that. Try not to get overly emotional or tearful or they use it against you. Just be neutral. It could be depression, and a lot of men do go through that. They tend to behave unreasonably with their partners as it is a safe space. Is he in his late 30’s or early 40’s? It is very, very common at that age group. Also called a mid-life crisis. He could be having an affair but then you would know best. Just tell him if it is an affair then he has broken his vows so the marriage is over and you will be getting a divorce. Be matter of fact rather than emotional. Like you are stating the obvious. When you get emotional with the conversation he will use that to deflect. So clear head and in control. Hope you have a job and some family support to ride this wave. Hugs!

Maybe the “wise woman” is happy to take on the responsibility of her children? Even if the man pisses off.

My “wise man” elected for a vasectomy once we’d completed our family, taking on 100% responsibility for “our” contraception. Why would I stop that decision and say no, it’s 100% my responsibility?

So sorry you’re going through this!
I can completely empathise because I’ve been in pretty much the exact position. Turned out he was having an affair. I’m 4 years down the line now, and it honestly it does still sting that he did that (and is still with her, and she is AWFUL to our child and the wider family - including his own mother who I still adore!)…. He’s lost all his friends and isn’t happy. But I’ve remarried a man that’s a million times nicer/better/more caring/loving than he ever was - and it took me meeting my second husband to realise this. We have a baby together now and I’m so happy.
This might feel like the WORST THING EVER right now, and bloody right it’s going to hurt your heart so badly before you find your own ways to heal it, but I promise it will be healed and this could be the best thing to ever happen (even if you don’t see that for a while).
Like some others have said - gain control now. See a solicitor. Put the divorce papers in. Don’t let him dictate anything - he’s shown you how cruel, selfish and silent he can be about all this so far. You deserve so much better than this - he won’t change. He’s shown how little he respects your marriage by not discussing it. And the fact going off for two weeks deffo sounds like another woman… he’s testing the water before taking the full leap with her. He thinks the grass is greener.
Shoulders back, tits out and hold your head high. Show him what a strong and fearless woman you are as you face this. I did the same (and lost loads of weight due to the stress), and I’m not going to lie - it felt good watching him cry at several child drop offs when he realised how amazingly I was doing without him!!!!
All the best. You got this!!!

Wow. Women are not responsible for men’s poor behaviour. I chose mine very carefully. He did have signs of selfishness because he’s a man and that’s part of the package.

All was good until he decided life with 3 small children was no fun and he deserved better. Multiple affairs later and a divorce and a couple of decades and he’s now alone and lonely and regretful.

If women are any more careful about who they settle for the birth rate will drop even more drastically.

There is nothing women do wrong that causes men to have affairs. It is not their fault. Even if they were to become totally surrendered and subservient wives it’s not enough for some men so yes you can fuck off with your victim blaming.

I bloody love this! Great post! 👏 👏

Hang on, he told you all this stuff a while ago, has been staying with friends over the weekends since, and now he's clearing off for two weeks?

I don't see the value in speculating about affairs with no evidence, but you should pack a bag. When he walks back through the door you walk straight out of it and tell him you're off for two weeks to clear your head.

Your marriage sounds like it's over regardless, don't let him take the piss.

You’ve married a loser baby throwback of a man. He is not worth your deliberations. Divorce him.

Yes if a woman doesn't want to get pregnant then of course guarding against it by using contraception herself is in her interest.

But the pp was saying that it is 100% the woman's responsibility as to who she choses to have a child with. She said it was OP's fault her H became a father. In other words that he had no choice in the matter of her becoming pregnant. Which is nonsense because of course he could have chosen to use condoms and have a good chance of avoiding pregnancy. Or not had sex with her at all for that matter. He had a choice to use contraception himself and make a choice not to become a father.

What a horrid thing to do.

Most men get extremely selfish when they check out of a relationship. It's all about them and their needs. Their child doesn't factor into it at all.

You lose the wonderful man you fell in love with and wonder where he went.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending you hugs.

You don't need him to confirm you. Trust your gut and instincts. I'm sorry this is happening to you but as another post said see a solicitor and get ahead of him because he can't be trusted. Secure yourself and your child. If you trust him in anyway he will gaslight and manipulate you. If you trust your gut and start thinking about yourself you'll come out better. Good luck X

To my mind it's not even that relevant whether he's having an affair or not (obviously it would be extra hurtful) because either way, I would want a divorce.

He treats you with a complete lack of respect or empathy or compassion.

While he's away, I would take the time to speak to a divorce lawyer and get some good advice from them about what you should do to protect yourself and child as much as possible. And get proof of as as much financial stuff as you can, like how much he gets paid, bank statements etc.

It doesn’t make any difference whether he is having an affair or not. He has left it very clear that he is no longer in love and has not been for many years.

There is no relationship to repair or discuss here, If I were you, I would be finding ways to protect myself and my child legally while he is away rather than wasting sensitive time in getting him to accept an affair, which by the way doesn’t matter at ALL, when it comes to split assets or decide on arrangements for children.

He wants out? Lock him out.

ps. If you don’t have time to photocopy lots of documents try just to find his national insurance number, having it speeds things a lot when it comes to child maintenance.

Amazing how men get to leave all their responsibilities behind and swan off (paying for accommodation) to “clear my head” while the dutiful and loving woman stays and facilitates this. Regardless of whether he’s with an OW (and I imagine he is) the CFery and entitlement in this action is off the scale. Like OP just rocked up with a legal contract and a baby one day and he had no say in any of it.

@ThatGirlx i echo pp in saying find your anger and all the financial information, and start divorce proceedings. He doesn’t like you, and he’ll never do right by you or be the husband you deserve. Start by putting a claim into CMA because as far as you know, he’s abandoned you and your dc.

It's my body that gets pregnant, not his. Your individual anecdote and the fact that you were lucky enough to find a good 'un doesn't change that fact.

Affair. 100%. He will be repeating to you the same lies he's told his new girlfriend.
Take him to the cleaners OP.

Affair. 100%. He will be repeating to you the same lies he's told his new girlfriend.
Take him to the cleaners OP.

I don't think that after 2 weeks if he comes back you should say Well I'm off for 2 weeks. How do you know he will look after your child or just plonk it on someone. No tit for tat will never make him see sense. Just let him fuck off you will be doing yourself a massive favour, even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment. You should never ever have to fight for a man and never ever forgive or forget what he is putting you through. I wish you the best of luck.