Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

Men in mumsnet world can't ever just fall out of love ( it is allowed and does happen)

He’s left so it would be the end for me. He may come back only to leave again and j wouldn’t be accepting of that risk.

Of course people can " fall out of love".

But it's the behaviour of the men on MN that say they have " fallen out of love" which is the problem.

The vast majority have " fallen out of love" because they have seen someone else more appealing to them than their DW, DP or GF.

And they follow the script. Just as OP's H is doing.

He's hedging his bets, what a twat. Who does he think he is?. As others have said take back the power. He's not your friend. Get legal advice ASAP, also any documentation you need. Tell his parents, why should you carry this on your own. Don't let him know what your doing or thinking. They hate when you take back control. Good luck moving forward.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hate to say that everyone is right, a lot of guys are quite cold when they fall for someone new - some guys fall in love fast and out of love fast and can just be brutal. I would, as others have suggested, start to get all your financials in order, gather any important paperwork and contact a lawyer. Make sure you don’t have large sums of money in a joint account that can be spent!

This.

Because I do not accept that it is a coincidence that so many men fall out of love with their wives at the same time they fall into the genitals of someone else.

He’s just a coward, he’s not staying with friends, he staying with whatever woman is enabling this shitty behaviour and once she gets to know the real him she’ll boot him out.

I’m one to believe in working on relationships, forgiveness, etc, but if he’s just declaring he’s not in love with you anymore then honestly I don’t see the point.

He’s a bad partner, a bad father and to top it off he doesn’t love you - you deserve a lot better than that.

Men absolutely can fall out of love, but then they need to use their big boy words and take appropriate action, rather than fanny about and wait for their ever-suffering spouse to be the bad guy and end the marriage. This man’s behaviour is not acceptable even if he has “simply” fallen out of love.

He’s being utterly horrible and I also think there’s probably a third party involved.

If I were you, OP, I wouldn’t tolerate any more of his ugly behaviour. Take action. Grab the life you and DC deserve and leave him to his misery.

I'd call his bluff and say "You might want to check out in the marriage but you don't get to check out on your child.

Let me know where you are as I assume that going forward it will be 50:50 care of said child. Child misses you so I can drop him/her off tomorrow for your week and I'll pick him/her up for my week after that. Child is sooooo excited about seeing you!

I'll pack enough of their clothes/toys for the next day or so to give you enough time to go clothes, toy, furniture shopping for them to stay at your rental.

Do you need me to write you a list of their favourite foods/meals or can you remember what they like?

That'll scupper his love nest plans 😁

Tell him he doesn’t need to think anymore as you’re decided it’s over.

He has met someone else.

I'd also do a huge food shop at the local supermarket from the joint account, including buying gift cards from various places you shop or eat out at. So, on the bank statement it will say "Sainsbury's/Tesco" etc but you will have a bank of money on gift cards for a rainy day.

Also buy Xmas toys and the next few clothes and shoe sizes up from said supermarket or buy more gift cards to cover that from the joint account/his credit card.

I'd actually pay a private detective to find out where he is and catch him in the act!

Plus dog out all the important paperwork such as bank statements, his wage slips, mortgage info etc.

Apply for a passport now for your child if he/she doesn't have one.

Get booked in with lots of the best solicitors in the surrounding area so that he won't be able to use them because you've already met with them.

Hit him where it hurts. I'm certain he's cheating.

Set up a bank account for your child now and transfer as much money as you are able to into it in case things go really sour and he refuses to pay maintenance.

At least then you can still pay to put a roof over your child's head, pay for school trips etc so your child doesn't miss out.

A million times what everyone else is saying; he's having an affair.
Of course he won't admit that to you because he wants to leave you without the stigma from friends and family of being the arsehole thats left you for the woman at work or whoever she is. This way, he might be able to maintain that he's just fallen out of love and he has the right to happiness too.
Expect all the blame as well OP, that you've ignored his needs etc over the years and that he only had children because you made him blah blah blah.
It'll all come out in the wash. He'll suddenly have found a new partner in a month or so time but conveniently nothing will have happened whilst you were still together.
He's an absolute cunt. Don't give him the satisfaction on of the option of coming home in 2 weeks time. Tell him there's no point if he doesn't love you. You deserve better and you've packed him a bag and he can come collect it on Monday. Suggest that he spends these next two weeks wisely sorting out a new place to live.
I'm so sorry OP, you must feel crushed but honestly, long term he's done you a favour

Yeah, pack his bags and take a piccie of them outside the house and say he'd better come and get them quick before it rains heavily.

And change the locks so he can't swan in and out of the house. He needs to show you the courtesy of knocking to be let in now that he's walked out on you.

Just make him think that you're over him already. Shit him right up. I know it'll hurt but at least you'll be giving him a metaphorical punch in the guts too when he realises the reality of what he's done and there's no going back.

The honeymoon he's in right now will soon be over, I'm sure when he starts snoring and making a mess in the new woman's home.

I'd even go as far to say "Tell her I wish her luck as I think she's going to need it". Take the wind out of his sails and take the power dynamic back. You're now in control, not him! Take his decision making power away from him!

You deserve better get ducks in a row make sure he’s paying for your child

Knowledge is power:

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• Family solicitor websites

Gather all financial documentation, including pensions, and see an experienced family solicitor. File first, so it is YOU who is in the driving seat.

And spend as little time thinking about the other woman as possible. Focus on your child and your future!

Very many of us on here will have had this lived experience. Blindsiding at the time, but perspective quickly establishes itself. You can tie yourself in knots with wondering why and if and who, but the bottom line is, for reasons as yet unknown, he’s told you ‘yeah, I’m outta here.’ And it’s shit. But the best thing you can do for yourself is take it absolutely at face value. And start to plan the next phase of your life. If you think about a bereavement, the person is gone, and no amount of plan a/plan b thinking is going to bring them back. So, with my greatest sympathy, I think you have to move on with a new phase of your life. There is no temporary opt-out clause; either he’s in or he’s out. Every strength to you 💐

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

I suspect his head has been turned as well, and even if nothing physical has happened, there’ll be an emotional affair almost definantly.

Take control of the narrative, and decide what you want, and take action to achieve this, whether it’s marriage counselling, or separation.

A very cliched affair, sorry OP.

Monstrously disrespectful and dishonest to say he hasn’t loved you for years. What he means is that he’s re-writing history to justify his affair. The affair that he will deny deny deny forever.

Anyway. I think you shouldn’t allow him back after the 2 weeks. Let him take the 2 weeks and then, regardless of what lies he comes out with, divorce him.

As pp have said ,classic script.
The rat will have it all planned out.
Scupper his two week plan
You're gone and stay gone.

Sounds like he’s been trying to tell you for a while and you haven’t listened. totally understand i think we block out what we don’t want to hear. however that is no excuse for not seeing and dealing with his kids. get legal advice good luck